Here's what you missed.
- [ Gunshot ] - A gun went 0273:' school.
Everyone was terrified. Sue said it was hers...
and had to leave McKinley.
I'm ready to take my punishment.
Secretly she's just protecting Becky.
Emma, stop. Stop.
Finn kissed Emma and then apologized to Will.
- I' m s 0 s 0 rry. - But' Vl//7/ ne I/er really forga ve hi/77,
so Finn went off to college to fulfill his dream of becoming a teacher.
BroadwayWorld .com is saying Funny Girl is finally happening this season.
Ra chel is go! an audition 10 play Fanny Brice in a Broadway production of Funny Girl...
to fulfill her dream of pla ylng Fanny Brice in a Broadway production of Funny Girl.
And z'ha2"s what you missed on Glee.
[ Finn Narrating] The truth is, I decided to go to the army after high school...
because I was kind of afraid of college.
Smart people go to college, like doctors.
The whole ('hing jusz' seemed scarier than ge ('ling shot'.
But now that I'm here at the University of Lima, I wish I would have come sooner.
I'm studying to be a teacher, something I love.
And that makes the work not feel like work.
[ Woman] ♪ Con los terroristas ♪
♪♪ [ Electronic Dance ]
[ Man ] And do the Harlem Shake.
♪♪ [ Continues ] [ Finn ] And everywhere you go,
even inside classrooms and study halls,
people find a way to have fun.
VVhoa!Whoo!
College is like this perfect little bubble...
between being a kid and being an adult.
[ Woman] ♪ Con los terroristas ♪
♪♪ [ Electronic Dance ]
[ Man ] And do the Harlem Shake.
[All Shouting ]
[Young Woman ] Whoo!Whoo!Whoo!
[Young Man ] Yeah!
And We got the rest of m y life to be a grown-up.
- _/~_/~ [ Resumes ] - [ All Shouting ]
And for now, it's okay to be young.
♪♪ [ Electronic Dance ]
♪♪ [ Man Rapping, Indistinct]
Get up.
- Puck! - Ah!
- What are you doing here? - I live here now.
What? Aaah!
Which dorm? This one, like right here. Top bunk.
- What happened to Lee Hei? - Hei's no longer. He moved out a couple hours ago.
Told him if he hoped to get any studying done this year,
he should probably find another room.
I can't believe you're going here. What are you taking?
Taking? You mean, like, classes?
Dude, I'm just here for my bros, some brews and the bountiful Betties.
- I love college! - Yeah, college!
[ Both Shouting ]
[ Rachel Narrating ] Some dreams are bigger than others.
Me being on Broadway- z'haz"s a big dream.
Me being on Broadway in Funny Girl as Fanny Brice,
inheriting the mantle of my idol Miss Barbra Streisand-
that's the culmination of every dream I've ever had.
Since its premiere in 7 .964, Funny Girl has never been re I//I/ed on Broadwa y,
no doubt because producers haven't been able to find an actress...
capable of filling Barbra's formidable shoes.
Luckily, I've been grooming myself...
for this audition since I was five,
I/I//7/C/7 /is when I first saw Funny Girl in all /'Is Technicolor glory.
I heard my dads use the phrase “star quality” before,
but I never truly understood it until that moment.
Iknew I needed to be her.
From that point on, It's been all Barbra all the time.
I/I/itness my collection- A featherfivm Hello, Dolly!,
a yarm u/ke from Ye n tl, a boxing g/0 me from The Main Event,
signed Playbills, a picture of her first husband, Mr. Elliott Gould,
her second husband, Mr. James Brolin,
and her paramour of two years, Canadian prime minister Pierre Trudeau.
But I'm not just approaching this audition as a fan girl.
I'm approaching this as a professional...
who has sworn off men and rededicated herself to the an of being Barbra.
Yes, iz"s a long shot'. Fanny Brice is ('he /(ing L ear of musical rhea ('er roles,
and I'm just an unknown Jewish girl from Ohio...
who came of the age in a high school glee club.
But then I remind myself- Barbra, too, was once an unknown Jewish girl...
who sang in her high school choir; and Funny Girl made hera sfar.
So why can't my dreams come true too?
[ Imitating Barbra Streisand ] Hello, gorgeous.
Excuse my jet lag. I'm fresh off a plane from North Korea...
where I've been training their swim team with my assistant Dennis Rodman.
Do you like the new addition to my wardrobe?
That's right. I've taken over the Cheerios...
from that Phantom Menace Sue Sylvester.
Someone with talent had to.
Did I also mention that I'm in talks...
with Miss Oprah Winfrey...
to launch my very own Cheerio network?
Like George Jefferson, I'm moving on up!
How is your delicate group of weirdos?
Are they still rattled by that fake school shooting?
That was a terrifying experience for those kids.
And the adults. I'm still having nightmares.
Honey, please. I'm a child of the ghetto.
I can't sleep at night unless I hear at least two gunshots.
Hey. You get a chance to talk to Finn yet?
No. I'm not ready. Will, come on.
You need to patch a hole in this fence...
so the squirrels don't escape.
People grow apart, Shannon. That's life.
There's nothing wrong with that.
That's what I thought about me and my sister Denise.
We used to scrap like grizzlies in the Arctic.
And then when all that stuff went down with Cooter,
she helped me out, and we finally got to talking.
I'm more stubborn than anybody here,
but I swallowed hard and made amends with her.
It was one of the best things I've ever done in my life.
Make the effort, Will.
It's worth it.
[School Bell Rings]
[ Marley Narra ling ] /, Marley Rose, ha we made a decision.
I took that false bottom...
out of my desk drawer,
and I'm finally going to let...
my songs see the light of day.
I want to be like all those...
singer-songwriters I look up to-
Joni Mitchell, Norah Jones,
Chrissie Hynde.
I've been trying to bring it up with everyone,
but ever since the gun went off in school, everyone's been acting strange.
It's like they've all got P. T.S.D.
They want me to study string theory, but I'm not all that interested in arts and crafts.
Brittany's acting weird because MIT found out about her S.A. T. score,
and they're pressuring her for early commitment.
Isn't MIT in Europe? That would suck.
Hi, Tina. Are you trying out a new look?
It's called steampunk. It's the next big thing.
Oh, God. I love it.
[ Australian Accent ] Hey there. You must be Marley.
- Hi, Sam. - That's not Sam. That's Sam's smarter twin brother, Evan.
Evan Evans. What a pleasure to meet you.
Oh. Phone's ringing. Oh, it's my brother.
Oh. Hey, Sam. I was actually just looking for you. Oh!
So have you guys heard who's taking over the Cheerios?
Yeah. It's insane. And it made me realize...
I have no idea whether I'm on the Cheerios or not.
Like, literally can't remember.
Hey, guys. Have you seen Evan?
You just missed him. He went that way.
[ Groans ]
[ Marley Narrating ] I think Sam might have a little separation anxiety,
so he is pretending he has a twin.
And then there's Unique.
Unique, what are you doing? Are those- Birth control pills?
Shh! Don't blow a girl's cover.
Kitty hooked me up with a prescription for Loestrin,
and I heard that two dolls a day...
will turn my B's into D's in no time.
Guys, have you seen my twin?
Oh! Getting a call. Hold on.
Oh. Hey. Man, I was just looking for you.
Unique, you cannot take birth control.
Why not? Trans kids everywhere are doing it.
All right, Bro. I'll tell 'em you said hi. Yeah.
Have fun at the zoo.
I've just got to build up the courage...
to tell everyone that I want us to perform...
one of my songs at regionals.
It would be a dream come true.
[Will ] Big news, guys. I just got a direct tweet...
from the Greater Midwest Regional...
High School Show Choir Board of Directors.
[Cheering ] Whoo!
The theme for this year's regionals is-
- Sweaters. - Dreams.
[ Sighs ] Close.
As you know, some of the past judges we've had...
haven't been that bright or that sober,
so our best bet is to take the dream theme literally.
We'll start out with “Dream Weaver,” and then we'll segue into “Sweet Dreams,”
and we'll bring it home with “You Make My Dreams Come True.”
[Cheering ]
Marley, you're frowning.
No. I just don't know any of those songs.
Well, you'll know them soon enough, because we're learning them today.
[ Clears Throat ] Maybe could we try some original songs,
like you did two years ago?
My twin brother Sam told me you guys totally crushed regionals...
two years ago with those sweet tunes.
Well, S- uh, Evan,
that was a different time- and a different team.
Mr. Schue, could we at least talk about the set list? I mean, when Finn was here-
Do I have to remind you guys how lucky we are to even be at regionals?
We are there on a technicality,
which means there is absolutely no room for even the smallest of mistakes.
Trust me.
Anybody else have something they want to say?
Great. Brad, warm 'em up.
[School Bell Rings]
As honorary Rachel, I would like to convene this secret meeting of the Glee Club.
Sam's sorry he couldn't make it. He said to tell everybody-
Oh. Just got a text. He's here.
Oh. Hey, Sam. Hey,Evan!
- How long are we gonna let him do this? - Just let it go.
It's like waking a sleepwalker. It might kill him.
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. What did I miss?
What you missed was Mr. Schue's set list. It's gonna lose us regionals.
Oh, yeah. Evan was saying something about that.
“Dream Weaver.” Great song, but it's from 1975.
“Sweet Dreams Are Made of This.” Amazing. Released in 1982.
“You Make My Dreams Come True.” Originally performed in 1981,
and then performed again by the Glee Club...
in a mash-up that we did last year, which Mr. Schue didn't even remember.
He's completely lost touch. We're screwed.
Can I get a witness? We need to do current songs.
And if we do, I know we can win.
[ Clears Throat] Uh, guys, can I say something?
I wrote some songs. What if we performed those?
Please. No one wants to hear a song about a fat mom. Okay.
What about- Or a song about barfing.
- But what about- - Or a song about loving an octoroon.
All right, all right, all right. Let's get serious. We need to start brainstorming.
We'll pick a new set list, and then we'll break the news to Mr. Schue.
[School Bell Rings]
Go, 90, 90, 90. 90. go, go, 90,90.90,go,go,go,go,
go' go! 90, Q0, 9°»90.9o,go,go!
[Cheering ]
[Shouting ]
[ Sizzling ]
- Excuse me, ladies. Where are your tickets? - Wait. We need tickets?
Rules are rules.
Wait, wait, wait. You both seem like really nice girls,
and I don't want you to miss out on all the fun.
So I'm willing to make an exception just this once.
Oh, my God. You're such a sweetheart. [ Chuckles ]
I am.
The thing is, if I let you go for free and anybody hears about that,
the whole system could collapse.
So I'm gonna need you to pay me with your bikini tops.
[ Together] Okay.
Okay -
Whoo!
- Ah! Mr. Schue! Hey! - Whoa!
Welcome to Geneva Hall, a.k.a. chez Puckerman.
Noah, I didn't know you were enrolled here.
Well, I'm not technically enrolled, but, you know, I'm just auditing a few classes.
Do you even know what that means?
- Gotta go. - [Crowd ] Go, go, go, go!
[Cheering ]
Looks like you're really having the college experience.
I hope you're finding time to make it to class.
You know, Mr. Schue, I don't need you to come into my house and tell me how to live my life.
You're right. Look. I-I came here to apologize.
I was still stinging from what happened at the wedding,
andthen when you told me about... kissing Emma-
I totally mishandled the situation. And now I really see...
that we only have so many days, you know?
I want you to come back and help me coach the Glee Club.
They need you. I need you.
Finn! I just got us invited to the Delta Kappa Chi frat party tonight.
It's supposed to be the biggest party of the year.
[ Both ] Yeah!
I gotta shave my hello giggles. Good to see you, Mr. Schue.
- Yeah. Thanks, Puck. - [Crowd ] Go, go, go, go, go.
- Thanks, but no, thanks. - I'm not expecting things...
to just go back to normal right away.
I'm willing to work at this. Well, I'm not.
There's just some things you can't come back from.
It's a nice offer, but as you can see,
I'm pretty busy with college.
- [Cheering ] _ Go, go, go, go, go!
Yeah!
All right, guys. Let's get right into it.
And remember, the trick is the change in vocal quality...
from the smooth, sultry sounds of Gary Wright...
to the commanding tone of Annie Lennox, and then back to the poppy fun of Daryl Hall.
Uh, Mr. Schue, we kind of got together as a group...
after you gave us these songs yesterday,
and we came up with some... alternatives.
Why would you do that?
Mmm. You might need some woman parts to help you sell that.
I'll go get Evan. Sam, sit down.
Honestly, I don't even know what's going on in this room anymore.
What happened to you 9 Openly defying me? guys-
Unique, you need to tone it down with the whole boob thing.
Sam, we all know you don't have a twin brother, and, frankly, it's distracting.
And, Blaine, I am disappointed in you for allowing this to go on.
I'm sorry, but we're just trying to-
No, what you were trying to do is not rehearsing the song list that I gave you,
and that is unacceptable.
So here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna go to the teachers' lounge...
and get the coffee that I skipped to get here early,
and when I get back in five minutes, you will be ready to rehearse- my songs.
Okay, so let's start with the Funny Girl classics. I know them by heart.
But anyway, I just want to go over them.
I always seem to find you at the piano rehearsing.
Shelby.
- Oh, my God. What are you doing here? - Been trying to track you down.
I wanted to find you before your Funny Girl audition.
You found out about that?
We're Facebook friends, Rachel. You started posting as Barbra. lnoficed.
Look. I'm sorry, okay? I just felt a little weird.
You know, I know that you have the same affection with Funny Girl as I do, and I-
You didn't want to remind me that I never got to play the role, and now it's too late?
I love my life. I do.
It's not the life that I always imagined I'd be living,
but I have Beth, and I have this new Broadway Daycare business,
and we're both in the same city now, so I get to see you a lot more.
I have no regrets.
In fact,
as much as it was my dream to maybe study at a school like NYADA...
and, um, perform songs like that on a Broadway stage-
Shelby.
My bigger, better dream now...
is to see my incredibly beautiful daughter perform those songs.
Just"
not at your audition.
- Honey, you can't do Barbra. - What? No.
Fanny Brice is the most iconic role.
Okay, this is the only way to do it.
Yeah, Hamlet's an iconic role, and it's been done differently and successfully...
by Laurence Olivier, Kenneth Branagh, Richard Burton, Keanu Reeves-
Okay, Hamlet is different. This is Fanny.
Yes, and they cast Barbra as Fanny because she was one of a kind. She was an original.
If the producers are smart, they're not gonna be looking for some carbon copy.
They're gonna want a fresh interpretation, someone that can put their own stamp on the role.
Well, I've just been...
learning Barbra's entire repertoire, so-
It's okay. You have time. We'll find something. I'll help you.
This may not be 100% right,
but maybe it will inspire you.
And any excuse to sing next to you.
♪ You won't find him drinking under tables ♪
♪ Rolling dice or staying out till 3:00 ♪
♪ You won't ever find him being unfaithful ♪
♪ You will find him You'll find him next to me;
♪ You won't find him trying to chase the devil ♪
♪ For money, fame, for power, out of greed ♪
♪ You won't ever find him where the rest go ♪
♪ You will find him You'll find him next to me;
-;Nextto me; -;Nextto me;
[Together] ♪ Oh, Oh ♪
♪ Next to me; ♪ Next to me;
♪ Oh, oh;
♪ Next to me; ♪ Next to me;
♪ Oh, oh, ooh;
♪ I will find him I'll find him next to me;
♪ When the end has come and buildings falling down fast;
♪ When we've spoiled the land and dried up all the sea ♪
♪ When everyone has lost their heads around us ♪
♪ You will find him You'll find him next to me;
♪ Next to me; ♪ Next to me;
♪ Oh, oh;
♪ Oh, oh Next to me ♪
♪ 00“, ooh ♪
♪ Next to me, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, whoa-oh, whoa ♪
♪ You will find him You'll find him ♪
- ♪ Next to me ♪ - ♪ Next to me, yeah ♪
♪ Next to me Next to me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
-;Nextto me; -;Nextto me;
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, next to me;
- 3 Next to me 3 - 3 Yeah, yeah 3
♪ You will find him You'll find him next to me;
♪ Yeah ' ♪
Kick it! ♪♪ [ Rock]
[Crowd Cheering ]
♪ You wake up late for school, man, you don't want to go ♪
♪ You ask your mom, “Please,” but she still says- ♪
♪ “NOT! ♪
♪ You missed two classes and no homework;
- [ Cheers ] - ♪ But your teacher preaches class ♪
♪ Like you're some kind of jerk;
♪ You gotta fight ♪
♪ For your right ♪
♪ To part)' ♪
Look out!
♪ Your pops caught you smoking, man, he said, “No way” ♪
♪ That hypocrite smokes two packs a day;
♪ Man, living at home is such a drag ♪
♪ Now your mom threw away your best porno mag ♪
- [Cheering ] - Busted.
♪ You gotta fight ♪
♪ For your right ♪
♪ To part)' ♪
[Cheering ]
♪ You gotta fight ♪
♪ For your right ♪
♪ To part)' ♪
[Cheering ]
Yeah!
♪ Party! ♪
♪ Party'. 3:
Fight for your right!
Oh! [ Laughing ]
- Dude, that was awesome! - Dudes.
Dudes, I'm Matt Cromley, house president.
- This is Chip. He's in charge of pledging. - What's up, brother?
You guys want us to pledge or something?
Under normal circumstances, we'd ask you to pledge.
Then you'd have to go through a six-week hazing program.
But, dudes, this is our biggest party of the year,
and when the stereo broke, we all thought it was ruined.
You saved our house and its honor...
and its position as top party house on campus.
Well, Puck and I- We do have musical training.
Glee club? That's awesome.
So, listen, even though you guys are apparently gay,
we'd like to invite you to become brothers here.
No hazing or anything. Just say yes, and you're in.
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
The sacred ritual of partying!
Whoo! Yeah!
' Oh! ' Oh!
Man.
- VVhoa,yeah! - Yeah!
[Cheering ]
[ School Bell Rings ] I'm also naturally enhancing my breasts.
Every night, I rub them with cocoa butter,
vitamin “E” and wild yams.
Hi, guys. Has anybody, uh, seen Sam?
Yeah, I think he's behind that curtain.
Sorry I'm late. What's up, Marley, Brad?
Um, I wrote a song.
I don't know if it's any good. I just- I want to hear it out loud.
And, no, it's not about my mom...
or bad Taylor Swift boyfriend drama.
It's about how much friends like you mean to me.
Lord, I am crying already. [Chuckles]
I just saw how upset you guys got after Mr. Schue yelled at us,
and you three seemed to take the worst part of it.
So I wrote this song to make you feel better,
as corny as that sounds. [ Chuckles ]
- Will you sing it with me? - No.
Just kidding. Of course we would.
- Hit it, dude. -3; [ Ballad ]
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ We feel ♪
♪ We hear ♪
♪ Your pain ♪
♪ Your fear;
♪ But we're here ♪
♪ To SBY ♪
.1' Who you are ♪
♪ Is OK3)' ♪
♪ And you don't have to go through this ♪
♪ On your own ♪
♪ You're not ♪
♪ Alone ♪
♪ You have ♪
♪ More friends than you know ♪
♪ Some who surround you ♪
♪ Some you are destined to meet ♪
♪ You'll have more love in your life ♪
♪ Don't let go Give it time ♪
♪ Take it slow ♪
♪ Those who love you the most ♪
♪ May need more time to grow;
♪ It's gonna be okay;
♪ Gonna be okay;
♪ You have more friends than you know ♪
♪ Be who you are ♪
♪ Learn to forgive ♪
♪ It's not about who you love ♪
♪ But how ♪ ♪ But how ♪
♪ HOW you live ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh;
♪ You have more ♪
- ♪ Friends than you know; - ♪ Than you know;
♪ Some who surround you ♪
♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Some you are destined to meet ♪
♪ To meet;
♪ You have more ♪ ♪ More ♪
♪ Love in your life ♪
♪ Don't let go Give it time ♪
♪ Give it time ♪
♪ Take it slow ♪ ♪ Take it slow ♪
♪ Those who love you the most;
♪ May need more time to grow;
♪ It's gonna be okay;
♪ You have more friends than you ♪
♪ Know 3
♪ It's gonna be okay ♪♪
Marley, that was incredible.
Child, it's the soundtrack to my life.
- Do you have any more songs like these? - Yeah, a couple.
- Maybe we can meet up again and sing them. - No. Forget that.
No, what we need to do is tell everyone. We have to tell Mr. Schue about this.
No. He made it pretty clear he's not interested.
[ Sam ] Well, it's a really great song.
[ Unique] I'm so proud of you. I am so proud. [ Marley Chuckles ]
♪♪ [ Stereo: Pop ] ♪♪ I Man Singing, indistinct 1
[Cell Phone Rings]
[ Exhales Deeply]
You're probably still pissed about Brody, so I'll start by saying that I'm sorry...
and that my hand still hurts.
His face has sharp edges. Okay, I'm-l'm not- I'm not mad. I-
Actually, I think I owe you a debt of gratitude.
Just, um,
you know, I wish that you would've stayed and...
hung around a little longer.
Next time. I promise.
So, how is college?
It's a dream come true. Parties with Puck-
Puck? Puck is there?
Yeah, he's here. Long story.
But it's amazing. Every night we go out. We're meeting new people-
Well, that sounds amazing. Um, that's really great.
I, uh- Actually, ljust-
I needed to, um- to ask you something.
Let me guess. Funny Girl auditions.
I knew you'd remember.
Finn, I can't believe that this moment is happening, and...
I know that this is a long shot, but...
I need to find the most perfect song to sing, and no Barbra.
You're one of the most unique talents in the world.
You always shine your brightest when you do something personal,
something intimately important that defines you.
So just do something that takes you back to the roots of your passion.
That's what people want to see, and that's what makes the best impression.
Make those producers fall in love with you in that moment on the stage.
And I know you have it in you.
Wow.
Thank you. That was, uh,
perfect advice.
You'll be great.
Can't wait to come to a show sometime.
Call me as soon as it's over, okay?
I will.
♪♪ [Woman Singing Aria ]
Thank you for that.
- We will let you know. - Thanks.
This is what you get for holding an open cattle call for Funny Girl.
Let me just put a little “yikes” next to her name.
Told you we should have made an offer to Miley Cyrus.
Let's just plow ahead, shall we?
Rachel Berry, hit the stage. You're up.
[ Heart Beating ]
Um, hi.
I'm Rachel Berry, and I'll be singing a classic.
.L'.I' [ Pop-Rock]
:Oh.r
♪ Just a small-town girl ♪
♪ Livin' in a lonely world ♪
♪ She took the midnight train going anywhere ♪
♪ Just a city boy;
♪ Born and raised in South Detroit;
♪ He took the midnight train going anywhere ♪
♪♪ [vocalizing ]
♪ A singer in a smoky room ♪
♪ A smell of wine and cheap perfume ♪
♪ For a smile they can share the night ♪
♪ It goes on and on and on and on ♪
♪ Strangers waiting ♪
♪♪ [vocalizing Continues] ♪ Up and down the boulevard ♪
♪ Their shadows ♪
♪ Searching in the night;
♪ Oh, streetlights People ♪
♪ Livin' just to find emotion ♪
♪ Hiding ♪
♪ Somewhere in the night;
♪ Oh, whoa ♪
♪ Don't stop believin' ♪
♪ Hold on to that feeling ♪
♪ Streetlights People ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh;
♪ Don't stop believin' ♪
♪ Hold on ♪
♪ Streetlights People ♪
♪ Don't stop ♪♪
Well, thank you, Ms... Berry.
That was something... quite different.
Sorry. Rachel,
suddenly something happened to you in the middle of the song.
What was going on there?
I was thinking about my friends.
Um, how I wouldn't be the person I am today,
standing in front of you, doing what I'm doing right now...
if they hadn't shown me that I could.
If they hadn't believed in me.
Thank you.
[ Groans ] Dude!
“Dude” yourself. What the hell is this?
[ Grunts ]
Oh, it's from my sociology prof.
Guess I missed another test. No biggie.
Crap. What time is it? I'm late to play Frolf with that Cromley guy.
Dude, it is a biggie. It's a very biggie.
Isn't that class one of your requirements for your teaching major?
Don't worry. I'm gonna pass that class. The final's worth, like, 60% of the grade.
- I'll just cram and ace it. - Is that your dream?
To barely skate through school and become a mediocre teacher?
Wait. Since when do you care about school so much, man? You're not even in school.
Dude, this isn't high school anymore.
It's not just about potential. This is the real casaba.
So you're a crappy high school student. Who cares?
But if you're a crappy teacher, that means something.
[ Sighs ]
Look.
This has been awesome. I'm having the time of my life.
And doing it with my best bud is a dream come true.
But last night, I was in bed with three chicks, and I was thinking,
“What is this all about for you, Puckerman?”
So what'd you come up with?
I want to show all of 'em-
everyone who ever crossed the street when I came down the sidewalk...
or didn't call on me in class 'cause theyjust assumed I'd fart my answer...
or told me I'd be pumping gas someday-
that we are worth something.
That we are more than they say we are.
[ Exhales Deeply]
I'm not saying we need to stop having a good time, but...
partying this hard, skipping out on tests-
that's their vision of who we are.
- Doesn't have to be ours. - So what are you gonna do? Like, enroll here now?
I still think school's for suckers, but...
I'm gonna stay here and write my screenplay and be on your ass 24-7...
to make sure that you become the best teacher that you can be.
We've always known we were special.
This is our chance to prove it.
Yeah.
' Ew! ' [ Ululating ]
Get to work.
I'll grab the iron and make us some grilled cheeses.
[ Groans ]
[School Bell Rings]
[ Groans ]
- You wanted to see us, Coach? - Yes. Come on in and have a seat.
It is my understanding that I have inherited you...
as cocaptains of the Cheerios.
And by looking at the two of you right now,
that makes me extremely suspicious.
Suspicious? Why?
Oh, I understand why Coach Sylvester's daughter Robin is here.
Sue Sylvester is as old as the hills,
so when she gave birth to her fully grown,
sixteen-year-old baby with Down syndrome,
it was a miracle,
and she wanted to bring her to school every day and show her off.
You're the one that makes me suspicious, Fruity Fonzie.
You ain't never done a cheerleading routine in your life,
but somehow you get Sue Sylvester to make you cocaptain of the Cheerios,
and then, three weeks later, out of nowhere,
Sue Sylvester gets fired.
That makes me real suspicious.
That makes me think that you used...
your handsome, fruity voodoo powers and put a hex on her...
that caused her to bring a gun to school for no reason and get real clumsy...
so she drops it twice, and it goes off both times.
Thatsoundsfike some dark-sided, fruity voodoo stuff to me.
But that didn't really happen! Blaine had nothing to do with it!
How do you know? Were you there?
No.
Exactly. So here's the deal.
If you want to stay on board as cocaptain of the Cheerios,
you're gonna have to take a blood oath and loyalty pledge.
What? A blood oath?
- Is that even safe? - Probably not.
So we'll just take the oath. Repeat after me.
I, Fruity Fonzie, and adult baby Robin-
I, Fruity Fonzie- I, Fruity Fonzie-
- and adult baby Robin- - and adult baby Robin-
do solemnly swear-
- do solemnly swear- - I do solemnly swear-
to never put a hex on Coach Roz Washington-
[ Together ] to never hex on Coach Roz Washington-
causing her to bring a gun to school...
so she gets real clumsy and drops it, and it goes off twice in a row.
Causing her to bring a gun to school so she gets real clumsy...
and drops it so it goes off twice in a row.
So help me, God. [ Both ] So help me, God.
You are free to go.
[School Bell Rings]
Hey, Becky, wait up.
Hurry up. I'm gonna be late for calculus.
Becky, um, you were acting...
particularly strange in there just now.
Do you know something I don't about what happened with Coach Sue?
Mind your own gay business, gay Blaine.
I don't know anything!
Oh!
[ Switch Clicks ]
- [ Exhales Deeply] - [ Crowd Cheering]
[Cheering ]
[ Finn ] Mr. Schue?
You were right.
About what?
Me. Needing to get my focus back.
So I talked to the dean of students aboutyourofien
and she said she's willing to give me college credit...
for all the time that I spend here helping out.
Is that your way of saying apology accepted?
That's my way of saying I'm willing to come back.
But if I do,
things have gotta be different.
No more fetching your coffee...
or picking up your dry cleaning.
I mean, I don't want to come back to be a gofer.
It's gotta be a partnership.
I want to be treated like an equal.
Like a-
Like a teacher.
And then you bring your best, and I bring my best, and we go get another trophy.
That all seems fair.
But I also have a condition.
Let's just move past this.
All right.
[School Bell Rings] [ Laughing ]
Looking good, Unique. [ Chuckles ]
You too, Tina. Very Jules Verne.
Hey, Blaine. Sam.
[ Australian Accent ] I'm Evan. Sam moved to Alaska.
Oh. Well, tell him he's welcome back anytime.
[ Exhales Deeply]
So, just about 20 years ago,
I was sitting right where you are now.
I was cocaptain of the soccer team,
with a forehead full of acne and a dream of being the next Vanilla Ice.
[ Chuckles ] And standing right here was Mrs. Adler.
She constantly mumbled to herself,
and she stuffed used Kleenex up her sleeves.
We all were convinced that she was crazy.
But you know what?
That's why we loved her- because we were crazy too.
This is the room that always felt like home.
Maybe because we knew Lillian Adler loved music...
almost as much as she loved us.
And that's how I feel about you.
Every one of you.
And-And I'm sorry if I made any of you feel like you don't have a voice in this room.
You do.
And I know someone else who does too.
_ [Artie ] My man! Yeah! - [ Cheering ]
Finn and I are gonna be working together as a team. Equal partners.
And we are not gonna eat, sleep or breathe...
until you've blasted through regionals...
and earned your rightful spot at nationals. Yes! Yes!
- Whoo!Whoo! - Yeah!
- Yeah! - All right. Down to business. Marley, you're up.
Okay. I haven't quite memorized “Dream Vveaver” yet, but I think I have “Sweet Dreams”-
Didn't I tell you? Those are out.
I want you to teach us one of your original songs.
If that's okay.
- Pdlovethat - So shall it be written, so shall it be done!
Yeah! [Cheering ]
Yeah!
[ Cheering, Chattering ]
So what is Broadway Daycare exactly?
All the show people who have kids-
while they're rehearsing or performing- they send them to Shelby's studio,
and she teaches them, like, dance routines and songs...
and plays theater games with them.
It's like Fame for toddlers.
Well, no news is good news, right?
Cookie?
At this point, if I haven't heard anything-
Life goes on.
You know, Fanny was just a dream. I read on BroadwayVVorld.com...
that they're doing a production of Sweeney Todd at the Pasadena Playhouse, and-
I don't know- I think Johanna could be a good role for me.
Do you regret not doing Barbra for the audition?
No way.
Honestly, something so special...
and something magical happened in that room,
and if those producers are too narrow-minded or star-obsessed-
[ Buzzing ]
Oh, my God.
[ Buzzing Continues]
Oh, my God. It's a number I don't recognize. What do I do?
Uh, answer it. Pick it up?
Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Hello?
Uh, yes. This is she.
Yeah, of- of cour- of course.
Yes. Yes.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
That was one of the producers.
And?
- And I got a callback for Fanny! - Oh!
I got a callback! [ Laughing ] You did it!
I got a callback! I'm so happy! You did it!
♪ Who's to say;
♪ Who's not okay? ♪
♪ The breakaways ♪
♪ Will outlast Will outlast ♪
♪ Sticks and stones ♪
♪ Won't break these bones ♪
♪ They're just some drones ♪
♪ To get past I'll get past;
- ♪ Feeling downcast ♪ - ♪ You're feeling ♪
♪ Like an outcast;
- ♪ Underdogs, it's-; - ♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Time to- It's time to bite back;
♪ We are, we are, we are ♪
♪ Stronger from every scar;
♪ Brighter than any star;
♪ We're the outcast Ou-Ou-Outcast ♪
♪ There's nothing you can say;
♪ To blow our dreams away;
♪ We rise above the fray ♪
♪ We're the outcast Ou-Ou-Outcast ♪
♪ I'd rather be outrageous than ♪
♪ Just another dull cliché again ♪
♪ I'd rather be a rainbow than ♪
♪ Just some shade of gray;
♪ We are, we are, we are ♪
♪ Stronger from every scar;
♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Brighter than any star; - ♪ Yeah ♪
3 The outcast 3 3 The outcast 3
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Stronger from every scar;
♪ The outcast Ou-Ou-Outcast ♪ ♪ Outcast ♪
♪ Outcast ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Oh, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh;
- ♪ Brighter than any star; -3 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh;
- ♪ The outcast The outcast ♪ - ♪ Ou-Ou-Outcast ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
♪ We are, we are, we are ♪
'.I'Yeah_;~ '-I' We are;
♪ The outcast Ou-Ou-Outcast ♪♪
♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]
♪♪ [ Harmonic Vocalizingj
♪ ./' [ Ends ]