Here's what you missed.
- Sanfana I/70L/g/72' Brod y was a drug dealer: - He's not a drug dealer.
It turns out he's a gigolo. Santana figured it out and told Finn.
- Pack your bags. - So Finn went to New York and beat the crap out of Brody...
and told him to- Stay away from my future wife!
And Rachel has no idea any of this is going on. Yikes.
Will's still mad at Finn for kissing Emma.
- I'm so sorry. - Sorry's not gonna cut it.
Finn lei?' Glee Club ('O go I0 college I0 be come a lea cher.
And Biaine's got a crush on Sam, which he's had ever since the Sadie Hawkins dance,
but Sam just thinks that he and Blaine are besties, which they totally are, but still-
And z'haz"s what you missed on Glee.
[ School Bell Rings ] Here. Don't tell anyone, and you don't have to thank me.
- Dude, what are you doing? - It's only 50 bucks. Just take the money.
I know what you've been up to, and it just has to stop.
[Whispers ] What are you talking about?
[ Blaine ] Last week, I found a shortcut between my locker and the parking lot.
Walking through the cafeteria cuts out 15 seconds from my daily routine.
And yesterday I saw something.
[ Bag Zips]
Listen, I know your dad's been struggling, and I just wanna help.
Help you feed your family.
Hunger's a big problem in this country.
Although so is obesity, which is confusing.
- Okay, can you promise to keep a secret? - Yeah, of course.
I have been stealing pasta.
But it's not for dinner. lt's-
- It's art. - [School Bell Rings]
So... what do you think?
- Are those macaroni portraits? - They're my guilty pleasure.
My art teacher thinks I'm some sort of genius, like the ugly guy in Shine,
except with macaroni.
Is this Emma Stone? Yeah.
And then you got LeAnn Rimes, Ralph Macchio.
Those are the guys from Duck Dynasty. I even did Kurt.
The macaroni really captures him.
Thank you for sharing this with me. This is really incredible.
Whoa, whoa, not so fast. Now it's your turn. So-
My turn for what? Your guilty pleasure.
L- I don't have a guilty pleasure.
You're lying. Everybody's got that one thing that they like...
that they're so ashamed of that they refuse to admit it to anybody.
I love...
Wham!
What? The band Wham!
- They're, like, my favorite band of all time. - Hi, guys.
Hey, Tina. Hey, Tina.
Did you hear the news? Mr. Schue is out with the flu this week.
Hey, uh, just curious. Are you gonna go over to his house...
and straddle him while he's passed out and rub some ointment on his chest?
That was a phase.
Anyway, don't bother coming to Glee Club this week. It's canceled.
Not necessarily.
- [ School Bell Rings ] - Why are we here? I thought Mr. Sohue was sick.
[ Tina ] Yeah, why are we here?
[ Unique ] I was wondering the same thing.
Oh, come on, guys. Regionals is only a few weeks away.
Even without an adviser, we can't afford to miss one week of preparation.
Which is why Blaine and I asked you all to come here.
We have come up with an assignment for this week.
Please be songs about sweaters.
Huh?
Guilty pleasures. Come on!
We all have some musical shame. You know what I'm talking about.
You know, that secret love we dare not speak,
but when it comes on the radio, we can't help but turn up the volume and sing along?
Yeah, and we're supposed to sing one of those songs for regionals?
No. Sam and I were speaking earlier-
just, like, shooting the crap like two bros do, you know-
and we felt really safe with each other,
so we decided to reveal our guilty pleasures.
And it felt amazing. I mean, I-
Letting go of this big secret- [ Whispers ] made me feel so good.
And we figured if we all share a musical shame with each other,
we could all become a more cohesive team for regionals.
- Unique knows no shame, baby. - So, besides Unique,
does anybody else have something they would like to share?
Guys, this is a great team-building exercise.
Okay. Well, then you guys go first.
We thought, instead of telling you, we could... show you!
♪ You put the boom-boom into my heart ♪ ♪ Doo-doo ♪
♪ You send my soul sky-high when your lovin' starts ♪
3 A jitterbug into my brain 3 3 Yeah, yeah! 3
♪ It goes a-bang-bang-bang till my feet do the same ♪
♪ But something'.-s buggin' me Somethin' ain't right; ♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh;
♪ My best friend told me what you did last night; ♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh;
♪ You left me sleepin' in my bed ♪ ♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh;
♪ I was dreamin', but I should have been with you instead ♪ ♪ Uh, uh;
♪ Wake me up before you go-go ♪
♪ Don't leave me hangin' on like a yo-yo ♪
♪ Wake me up before you go-go ♪
♪ I don't wanna miss it when you hit that high ♪
♪ Wake me up before you go-go ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm not plannin' on goin' solo ♪
♪ Wake me up before you go-go ♪
♪ Take me dancin' tonight;
-3 I wanna hit that high 3 - 3 Yeah, yeah 3
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪
♪ Baby! ♪ ♪♪ [ Instrumental Solo]
'-I' Whoo! ♪ '.l' Jitterbug ♪
♪ Cuddle up, baby Move in tight;
♪ We'll go dancin' tomorrow night ♪
♪ It's cold out there, but it's warm in bed ♪
♪ They can dance We'll stay at home instead ♪
- ♪ Wake me up before you go-go Don't leave me ♪ - ♪ Don't you dare ♪
-3 Hangin' on like a yo-yo ♪ C♪ To leave me hangin' on like a yo-yo ♪
♪ Wake me up before you go-go I don't wanna miss it;
♪ Take me dancin' I wanna go-go-go ♪
- : Om :3 "°“ 9°~go 3
♪ 'Cause I'm not plannin' on goin' solo ♪
- ♪ I wanna go-go-go ♪ - ♪ Wake me up before you go-go ♪
♪ Take me dancin' tonight;
♪ Wake me up before you go-go ♪
-4* 'Cause I'm not plannin' on goin' solo ♪ - ♪ Wake me up, yeah ♪
- ♪ Wake me up before you go-go ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ - ♪ Take me dancin' tonight;
♪ Oh, wake me up ♪♪
[School Bell Rings]
Guess what. Hi.
- Everyone hates you. - Excuse me?
Maybe that's why nobody wants to work with you.
I'm trying to change, but my pastor says even Jesus took baby steps.
Do you go to the Church of Satan? Because you're really mean.
You tell Marley that she's fat, even though your face looks like a soccer ball.
And we both know that blondes have magical powers,
like doing the splits or turning Swedish.
You need to use your magical powers for good and not evil.
And that is why I'm inviting you to take off your Joker mask...
and bare your soul for the world to see.
What on God's good earth are you talking about?
- ♪ Fondue for Two ♪ - ♪ H9)/J
- ♪ Fondue for Two ♪ - ♪ That's some hot dish ♪
♪ Fondue for Two ♪♪
Tonight's guest is McKinley High's biggest bitch,
the girl with the weird lizard ears, Kitty. Mmm.
Two things: That cat has about three weeks to live,
and this fondue smells like hot, acrid barf.
Thank you so much. So, Kitty,
everyone at school hates you,
because you're a two-faced lying slut who no one can trust.
True. And yet everyone keeps telling me their secrets,
so... I must be doing something right.
Touché. I think the problem is that people haven't gotten to know you yet.
So tonight, you, me and Lord Tubbington...
are gonna tell our deepest, darkest secrets.
You tell me your guilty pleasures, and I'll tell you mine. Go.
Guilty pleasure? Mmm.
I like to fart around old people and watch the look on their faces...
'cause they just assume they did it. That's awesome. Me too.
Okay, guilty pleasure. When I look at a white dog or cat,
I assume that they're racist.
Lord Tubbington's guilty pleasure is Scientology.
Guilty pleasure- Bring /2' On.
Guilty pleasure- Bring /2' On Again.
Guilty pleasure- Br/ng /2' On: All or No lhing. Bring /2' On: In /I I0 I/I/in /2'.
Bring It On: Fight to the Finish.
That one's horrible. There's no way you could like that.
Guilty pleasure! No, I can't say it.
No, you can't do that.
Come on. This is a safe space. We're on the Internet.
No.
It's too horrible.
Can you whisper it in my ear?
Oh, my God.
You see, everybody? By acting out our secret shames,
like Carly's traumatic sense memory of potty training,
we become more vulnerable as actors.
Kurt, you're up.
[ Kurt Narrating] You wanna see some real acting? You're looking at it,
because this is nothing compared to my real guilty secrets.
And as a gay man, there are so many to pick from.
Like my obsessive marathons of powerhouse women in TV history:
- Shh. - Golden Girls, Murder, She Wrote,
Moonlighting, Designing Women.
Or my very private Sweati n ' to the Oldies sessions on DVD,
with the uncompromising Richard Simmons.
But my most secret, my most guilty pleasure of late?
My boyfriend arm.
I ordered it online one night while on Ambien.
Yes, I know it's a little bit Jeffrey Dahmer, but what can I say?
I love being held in Bruce's warm, nonjudgmental embrace.
And yes, I named him Bruce.
That's my real guilty secret.
And if anyone ever found out, especially Adam,
or God forbid, Blaine, or even Rachel and Santana,
it would totally destroy me.
[School Bell Rings]
Dude, put some pants on. I need to talk to you.
[ Sam ] So lately I've- I've been battling...
a really deep-seated sense of shame about something in my life,
and it's a secret I have kept buried...
for as long as I can remember. Really?
Yeah. [Stammers] And I've been waiting...
to, like, let it out and release this inner sin that has tortured my insides.
Do-Do you have feelings for me?
Vvhat? Dude, no. Come on. Obvious-Obviously, I'm kidding. I'm just-
It's a million times worse than that.
Well, until you can speak it, you're gonna be stuck in this...
shame spiral forever, so-
Hey, you can- You can trust me. You can tell me anything.
[Whispers ] I like Barry Manilow. What?
[ Regular Voice ] I said I like Barry Manilow.
No.No.No. No, no. You can't-
You can't say that in a locker room. I know-l know, but see,
I just relate to the stories: the-the breakups, the lost love.
Oh, and “The Rain,” it- “Who shot who?”
- [Whispers ] It's like he's talking right to me. - Well, then I think you need...
to come out to everyone and say that.
- No. - Once you stop hiding, you'll feel so much better.
You really think I could just... stand up in front of everybody...
and say that I'm a “Fanilow”?
[School Bell Rings]
Stop! As loyal fans of Fondue for Two,
we demand to know what your guilty pleasure is. Tell us.
None of your business.
[Whispers ] Spice Girls.
[All Screaming, Laughing ] I love the Spice Girls!
Okay, keep it down now. People are staring.
When I was little, I had Spice World movie on a loop.
I used to make their clothes out of my grandmother's sheets. I dreamed I was one of them.
We must do the Spice Girls. It has to be done.
And this fierce black woman will be Scary Spice.
Nothing scarier than a girl with a penis.
Kidding.
Okay, this is ridiculous. If I'm gonna be paying a third of the rent,
I'm going to be needing a third of the shelf space.
[ Rachel ] Don't get too comfortable, okay? This is only temporary.
I don't think you need all of these beauty products, Rachel,
'cause they're not really having the desired effect.
Unless your goal is to look like a reject from the 8/73/73 of Sunset.
One, Rachel's beautiful. Two, you're a bitch. And those are my products, okay?
And maybe if you used them, you wouldn't have more oil than the Middle East on your face.
- [ Rachel ] Ooh! - [ Chuckles ] That's really funny.
♪♪ [ Rachel Vocalizing ] You wanna play with me?
'Cause I can play, all day every day.
What if I just told your B.F.F. about her B.F. and his man-whoring ways?
[Spits] We had a pact.
What if I broke that pact, huh? What would you do?
- Attack me with your exfoliating loofah? - ♪♪ [ Rachel Vocalizing ]
Okay, she can't find out until after her Funny Girl audition, all right?
That would wreck her. Maybe if you made me some space-
[Whispers ] I'd care a little bit more. ♪♪ [ Vocalizing Continues ]
I want that whole top row. ♪♪ [ Rachel Vocalizing Stops]
[ Sighs ] Ooh-la-la.
Rachel Berry in a towel. How could Brody give all that up?
You know what? Not now, okay? It's too soon.
Everything still reminds me of him.
You know we first met in the bathroom, bonding over our moisturizing ritual?
Wow. That sounds really not romantic and also very, very gay.
Is that why he left, huh? Did he finally...
admit to having a boyfriend on the side?
[ Sprays, Groans ]
You know, he actually didn't even say why.
I don't understand what's happening. Why won't you talk to me?
We'll always be friends.
Puke. That is the most clichéd breakup line ever.
You're not gonna be friends. And you don't need him. I mean, you've got friends right here.
What? Friends who mock my looks and undermine my confidence?
No, friends who cheer you up by playing pranks on your other friend.
- What are you talking about? - Maybe a mascara mustache for Lady Hummel,
which would probably be the only facial hair he's ever had.
Or we could do that “stick his hand in warm water, make him wet the bed” trick.
Ladies' choice.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
What the hell is that?
Oh, my God! The curtain means privacy!
Oh, my God, Kurt. That thing is really creepy. What is that?
I thought it was stupid the first time I saw it too, but I kept thinking about the ad.
You know, “Are you lonely? Do you need companionship?”
“Yes, yes, I need all those things.”
It just offers you a nice, protective arm around you while you sleep at night.
Hey, I mean, it's probably safer than trolling Grindr for a manwhore.
Did you name it?
His name is Bruce, and we're exclusive.
So you cannot borrow him. [ Rachel Chuckling Softly]
[School Bell Rings]
[Whispers ] Oh_, my gosh. [ Slghs ]
I love Barry Manilow.
Not just, you know, the Barry Manilow Love on Ice tour,
but- but I-l think he's an amazing songwriter and performer,
and I also believe he's underappreciated,
has amazing hair and has done a hell of a lot of good for this world...
through his light rock talent.
[ Sighs ] This is who I am, and I make no apologies.
♪♪ [ Pop Intro]
♪ Her name was Lola ♪
♪ She was a showgirl ♪
♪ With yellow feathers in her hair;
♪ And a dress cut down to there ♪
♪ She would merengue ♪
♪ And do the cha-cha ♪
♪ And while she tried to be a star;
♪ Tony always tended bar;
♪ Across the crowded floor;
♪ They worked from 8:00 till 4:00 ♪
♪ They were young and they had each other;
♪ Who could ask for more? ♪
- ♪ At the Copa ♪ - ♪ Copa ♪
' ♪ Copacabana ♪ ' ♪ Copacabana ♪
♪ The hottest spot north of Havana ♪ ♪ Here ♪
- ♪ At the Copa ♪ - ♪ Copa ♪
♪ Copacabana ♪
♪ Music and passion were always the fashion ♪
♪ N the Copa ♪
♪ They fell in love ♪ ♪ COP3 ♪
♪ Copacabana ♪
♪ His name was Rico He wore a diamond ♪
♪ He was escorted to his chair;
♪ He saw Lola dancing there ♪
♪ And when she finished, he called her over;
- [Whistles ] - ♪ But Rico went a bit too far;
♪ Tony sailed across the bar;
♪ And then the punches flew, and chairs were smashed in two ♪
♪ There was blood and a single gunshot ♪
♪ But just who shot who? ♪
- ♪ At the Copa ♪ - ♪ Copa ♪
' ♪ Copacabana ♪ ' ♪ Copacabana ♪
- ♪ The hottest spot north of Havana ♪ - ♪ Here ♪
- ♪ At the Copa ♪ - ♪ Copa ♪
♪ Copacabana ♪
♪ Music and passion were always the fashion ♪
♪ N the Copa ♪
- ♪ Don't fall in love ♪ - ♪ COP3 ♪
- ♪ Don't fall in love ♪ - ♪ Copacabana ♪
♪ Copacabana ♪
♪ Copacabana ♪♪
[ Cheering, Whooping ]
- [Students Shouting ] - That was so brave.
- I'm so proud of you, baby. - You've given me the courage...
to stand- well, 3/! In front of my peers and proudly state that...
I'm a Fanilow as well.
Guys. I like him too.
Music aside, the guy's got style. All right, if it was '79,
I'd be rocking the Manilow center part instead of the Bieber.
Are you guys kidding? You guys really like Barry, huh?
Dude, everyone loves Barry.
But thank you for making us finally say it out loud.
Go Sam. We love the Barry!
[Whooping Resumes]
[ School Bell Rings ] [ Artie ] Best number ever!
[ Girls Laughing, Whooping ]
[ British Accent ] Okay, everyone, it's time to decide...
- which Spice Girls we're all going to be. -[VVhoops]
[ Normal Voice ] Mercedes, I don't think you should be Scary Spice just because you're black.
- Excuse you? - I think that it's really racist...
that the Scary Spice is the only black one.
Marley should be Posh Spice because you're so skinny and you make everyone uncomfortable.
Kitty, I think that you should be Ginger Spice, and I will be Sporty Spice.
If I'm not Scary Spice, does that mean I'm Baby Spice?
- Sorry I'm late, guys. - Tina, you can be the Scary Spice.
The black one? That doesn't make any sense. That's what I said.
Oh, my God, guys, you will not believe what just happened.
It's so horrible, I'm not even sure I can repeat it.
Hey! Tell me it's not true.
Tell me you're not planning to sing a Chris Brown song.
[School Bell Rings]
Looks like our guilty pleasure lesson has really been taking over the school.
Yeah, that kid's always had a really weird obsession with culottes.
What's up?
Uh, here's the thing. Uh, so far this week, you know,
you've been talkin' the talk.
Now I need you- [ lmitating John Wayne ] to walk the walk, pilgrim.
I've been honest about my guilty pleasures,
and I even wore those tiny little Wham! sho- [VVoman ] Shh.
[ Lowered Voice ] I wore those tiny little Wham! shorts,
and we did that great number, but now it's your turn to be honest,
because you haven't really been yet so far.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Well, you're only as sick as your secrets, dude,
and that's what this week's assignment is really about.
This is your chance to really set an example for the Glee Club.
What's yours gonna be?
[ Marley ] Really? Seriously? [Sighs]
I don't understand what you're all so upset about.
That's why it's upsetting. Look! Look, I get that Chris Brown is a douche bag.
I don't think “douche” is a strong enough word...
- to describe Chris Brown. - He brutally beat up his girlfriend.
He beat up a window at Good Morning America.
He says horribly misogynistic things on Twitter.
Vvhatabout the Frank Ocean fight in the parking lot?
He beat up Rihanna, and then got a picture of a battered woman tattooed on his neck.
- The dude is a psychopath. -[Jake] I know! Listen!
I know, and that is why I chose his song, okay?
The assignment was guilty pleasures.
I like his music, and I feel guilty about it.
You like his music? [ Chuckles ] Some of it, yeah.
I don't think all of it's bad. It doesn't mean that I like him,
and it doesn't mean that I think that he's a role model.
We do Whitney Houston songs, okay? Britney Spears songs.
And none of them are any role models.
You shut your mouth! And what about Rihanna?
Do we really think that bad girl RiRi is some kind of a role model?
I mean, she's the one who got back together with him.
I know you did not go there. Are you kidding?
Seriously, we always do Rihanna songs,
and do we always agree with everything that she says and does?
Are we saying that it's okay to go back to somebody that abuses you?
No, we're not. Look, all I am saying is...
that I think that we should be able to separate the art from the artist.
I don't think you should. And personally, I can't listen to his music...
without thinking about the horrible person behind it.
I agree. And if there was a list of people's music that we should never do in this room,
Chris Brown would be at the top of that list.
Unfortunately, we live in a democracy, so we can't force you to do anything.
We just really think you should think about it.
Chris Brown's a total powder keg, dude.
[ Sighs ] [School Bell Rings]
[ Kurt] No peeking.
Ooh! [ Chuckles ] [ Kurt ] And-
- [ Rachel ] I'm peeking. - Peek, peek, peek, peek, peek.
Oh, my God. Kurt, you gave my boyfriend pillow a sex change. That's so sweet.
- A little perfume and voila. - If you ever tell anyone about this,
I have no ethical problems with Hummel-cide.
You don't seem as excited about yours.
This is weird, and I'm not lonely.
Okay? I don't need anything to cuddle with.
Just 'cause Brody moved out doesn't mean we're not gonna get back together.
Okay, no.
What? I'm sorry.
It-It is over, and it's gonna stay over.
I was wrong about Brody being a drug dealer,
but I was just wrong about what he was selling.
Your boyfriend wasn't a cater waiter. He was a gigolo.
Like /I//agic /I///ke with happy endings for money.
That's not true, right?
You didn't- You didn't know about that. It's not true, right?
I Sighs ] Right?
- [ Mutters, Sighs] - You're welcome.
- Why did you have to do that? - It was for her own good.
♪♪ [ Piano: Soft]
♪ How can I just let you walk away ♪
♪ Just let you leave without a trace ♪
♪ When I stand here taking every breath ♪
♪ With you? ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
♪ You're the only one ♪
♪ Who really knew me at all ♪
♪ How can you just walk away from me ♪
♪ When all I can do is watch you leave? ♪
♪ 'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain ♪
♪ And even shared the tears ♪
♪ You're the only one ♪
♪ Who really knew me at all ♪
♪ So take a look at me now;
♪ Well, there's just an empty space ♪
♪ And there's nothing left here ♪
♪ To remind me ♪
♪ Just the memory of your face ♪
♪ I wish I could just make you turn around ♪
♪ Turn around and see me cry;
♪ There's so much I need to say to you ♪
♪ So many reasons why ♪
♪ You're the only one ♪
♪ Who really knew me at all ♪
♪ Oh, so take a look at me now;
♪ Well, there's just an empty space ♪
♪ And there's nothing left here ♪
♪ To remind me ♪
♪ Just the memory of your face ♪
♪ Now take a look at me now;
♪ 'Cause I'll still be standing here ♪
♪ And you coming back to me is against all odds ♪
♪ It's the chance I've gotta take ♪
♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
♪ So take a look at me now;
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, ooh ♪
♪ So take a look at me ♪
♪ NOWJ ♪
[Applause ]
So, who was that about exactly, Blaine? Shut it.
Uh, it was about Kurt. Obviously.
That breakup's still a fresh wound.
But it's really about the musical genius of Phil Collins.
And like any musician of his time,
when you dominate that period with such success,
people tend to make fun of you and put them down.
But the truth is he's a musical legend, and I'm tired of people making fun of him.
And I'm gonna dedicate a good part of my future...
ensuring that his genius is understood and appreciated.
I am no longer in the closet about my love for Phil Collins.
All right, everybody, give it up for Blaine Anderson.
[ School Bell Rings ] All right. It has been a really great week so far, you guys,
but now we are ready to present a double feature of guilty pleasures.
Starting off with our very own spicy ladies. Girl power to the extreme!
[ Together] The Spice Girls!
♪ Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want;
♪ So tell me what you want, what you really, really want;
♪ I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want;
♪ So tell me what you want, what you really, really want;
♪ I wanna hah, I wanna hah, I wanna hah, I wanna hah ♪
♪ I wanna really, really, really, wanna zigazig, ah ♪
♪ If you want my future ♪
♪ Forget my past ♪
♪ If you want to get with me ♪
♪ Better make it fast ♪
♪ Now don't go wasting ♪
♪ My precious time ♪
♪ Get your act together;
♪ We could be just fine ♪
♪ I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want;
♪ So tell me what you want, what you really, really want;
♪ I wanna hah, I wanna hah, I wanna hah, I wanna hah ♪
♪ I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig, ah ♪
♪ If you wanna be my lover;
- ♪ You gotta get with my friends ♪ - ♪ Gotta get with my friends ♪
♪ Make it last forever Friendship never ends ♪
♪ If you wanna be my lover;
♪ You have got to give ♪
♪ Taking is too easy;
♪ But that's the way it is ♪
♪ So here's the story “A” “Z” ♪
♪ You want to get with me, you got to listen carefully;
♪ We got Em in the place who likes it in your face ♪
♪ We got “G” like “M.C.” who likes it on a Easy “V” ♪
♪ Who doesn't come for free, She's a real lady;
♪ And as for me, ha-ha, you'll see ♪
♪ Slam your body down and wind it all around ♪
♪ If you wanna be my lover;
- ♪ You gotta get with my friends ♪ - ♪ Gotta get with my ♪
♪ Make it last forever; ♪ Friends ♪
♪ Friendship never ends ♪
♪ If you wanna be my lover;
♪ You have got to give ♪
♪ You've got to give ♪ ♪ Taking is too easy;
♪ But that's the way it is ♪
♪ If you wanna be my lover you gotta, you gotta ♪
♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta ♪
♪ Slam, slam, slam, slam ♪ ♪ Make it last forever;
♪ Slam your body down and wind it all around ♪ ♪ Aaah! ♪
♪ Slam your body down and wind it all around ♪
♪ Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh;
♪ Slam your body down and wind it all around ♪
♪ Slam your body down and zigazig, ah ♪
-; Uh, uh-uh; -3 Oh, whoa-oh, oh! ♪
♪ Oh, oh; ♪ Uh, uh-uh, Uh, uh-uh ♪
♪ Uh-uh, uh ♪ ♪ If you wanna be my lover_r_l~
[ Boys Whooping, Exclaiming ] Wow. Brava. Brava.
[VVhoops] Best thing ever!
So, how did it feel to be so open about your Spice love?
[ British Accent] Liberating.
We only hope you can see us for who we really are.
I applaud your courage in such an openly Spice-phobic time.
Especially you, Kitty. Actually, I don't think I've ever seen you so, uh-
Uh- So what?
- Happy to be part of the team. - Ooh, that's 'cause my girl is spicy!
Well, great job, ladies. That was- That was just fantastic.
Everybody, please settle down, and welcome Mr. Jake Puckerman to the stage.
- Down with the Brown. - Team Breezy equals Team Avvful.
[Class Booing ] Look, look. Listen! Stop.
Stop. Listen. I hear you, okay? I'm still gonna perform a Brown song,
but it will not be Chris.
♪♪ [ Drums: Upbeat Intro] ♪ Yeah, get up ♪
♪ HGYJ
♪ Yeah, get UP ♪
♪ Oh-oh ♪
♪ Get busy Everybody's talkin' ♪
♪ All this stuff about me ♪
♪ Now, now Let me live ♪
♪ They say I'm CraZY.l'
♪ I really don't care ♪
♪ That's my prerogative ♪
♪ They say I'm naS'fY.l'
♪ But I don't give a damn ♪
♪ Gettin' girls is how I live ♪
♪ Some ask me questions ♪
.1' Why am I so real? ♪
♪ But they don't understand me ♪
♪ Or really don't know the deal ♪
♪ About a brotha ♪
♪ Tryin' hard to make it right;
♪ Not long ag0 ♪
-_l~ Before I win this fight; ' ♪ Sing ♪
♪ Everybody's talkin' ♪
♪ All this stuff about me ♪
♪ Why don't they just let me live? ♪
♪ Tell my why ♪
♪ I don't need permission ♪
♪ Make my own decisions ♪
' ♪ Oh ♪ - ♪ That's my prerogative ♪
- ♪ It's my prerogative ♪ - ♪ It's my prerogative ♪
-; I can do what I wanna do ♪ - ♪ It's my prerogative ♪
♪ Tell me, tell me why can't I ♪
♪ Live my life ♪
♪ Without all of the things ♪
♪ That people say? ♪
- 3 Ah, eee, yeah 3 - 3 Everybody's talkin' 3
- 3 All this stuff about me 3 - 3 Everybody's talkin' 3
- ♪ Why don't they just let me live? ♪ - ♪ Ooh ♪
♪ It's my prerogative ♪♪
[ All Whooping, Exclaiming ]
[School Bell Rings]
[ Gasps ]
Cheese and rice. You scared me, Tina.
[ Robotic Voice ] My name is Vicki. I am an android.
I'm fantastic. Do you get it?
Made of plastic. She's Vicki the robot girl fro m Small I/I/onde/:
- The TV cult classic. - Small Wonder has made me the woman I am today,
free to speak my mind and think outside the box.
Good afternoon, Jake. Hey, Vicki.
That's it. I've reached my “guilty pleasures...
obscure reference that nobody cares about” limit.
I've gotta go talk to some normal people.
I'm outta here. Wait. Wait, hold on. I need to apologize first, okay?
I didn't know about the Bobby Brown thing.
You do realize...
that Bobby Brown allegedly got Whitney Houston hooked on crack, right?
Let me get this straight.
You know about Vicki the robot girl,
but you didn't know about Bobby and Whitney?
- [School Bell Rings] - I'm outta here.
[ Tina, Robotic] I will follow you. No, go away.
[ Kitty Stop! ]
[ Sighs ] Hey. Okay?
So this week has made me kind of crazy.
And I get why we don't support Chris Brown. [Sighs]
But- I mean, does it really matter what a couple of high school kids think?
Maybe not.
But every ocean starts with one drop of water, right?
I sound like my grandma.
Hey. So are we okay?
You know, I have a guilty pleasure I haven't told you about.
Please don't say me 'cause that would be very cheesy. Oh, my God.
Actually it's anything starring Jessica Simpson.
[ Both Chuckle]
But.
Now that you mention it.
[sighing ]
[ Inhaling ]
[Siren Wailing In Distance] [Chattering ]
[ Brody] Hey.
He)'-
What's this?
I was hoping that I could have dinner with you tonight.
I'm sorry. Is it not enough?
I wasn't sure what the going rate was these days for male hookers.
Don't judge me. Oh, really? For selling your body?
Not everybody has doting daddies to pay their bills.
[Crying ] I'm such an idiot.
You told me that if we were honest with each other that anything was possible!
Why did you lie to me?
- Why did you lie to me? - When did I lie to you?
Who do you think did this to my face? Your ex-fiancé.
He jumped out of a bathroom, went all Frankenstein on me.
Finn came all the way here to do that?
Yeah. And who's the liar now?
I know you still love him.
And I know that you slept with him at that wedding.
Did Santana tell you that?
No one had to tell me.
Look, I'm sorry that I lied about all that stuff, okay?
But I meant everything that I ever said about how I feel about you.
[Sobbing ]
[ Sniffles ]
You're right. I haven't been, uh- [ Sniffles ]
Completely honest with you. [ Sniffles ]
I think that there was a part of me that was...
using this.
Partly to make Finn jealous, and, um,
the other part to just...
fill my own personal heartache.
[ Cries, Sniffles ]
So, what, this is-
It's just over?
[ Sniffles, Sighs ]
Yeah, but, uh- [ Clears Throat, Sniffles ]
It feels like it is.
Seeing you around is really gonna suck.
♪♪ [ Rock Ballad Intro ]
♪ When you were here before ♪
♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪
♪ You're just like an angel ♪
♪ Your skin makes me cry;
♪ Oh, you float like a feather;
♪ In a beautiful world ♪
♪ Oh, I wish I was special ♪
♪ You're so very special ♪
:Oh.r
[Together] ♪ But I'm a creep ♪
♪ I'm a creep:
♪ I'm a weirdo ♪
♪ What the hell am I doing here? ♪
[Together] ♪ I don't belong here ♪
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
'J' She's 'J' He's ♪♪
[ Together] ♪ Running out the door;
♪ She's ♪ ♪ I'le'$ ♪
♪ Running out;
-; He's run, run, run ♪ C♪ She's run, run, run ♪
I Together 1 ♪ Run ♪
.L'Run_;~
♪ Whatever makes you happy:
♪ Whatever you want ♪
[ Together] ♪ You're so very special ♪
♪ I wish I was special ♪
♪ But I'm a creep ♪
♪ I'm a weirdo ♪
♪ What the hell am I doing here? ♪
♪ I don't belong here ♪
.L'Mmm_,~
[Together] ♪ I don't belong here ♪♪
♪♪ [ Pop] [ Door Opens ]
What's that?
♪♪ [ St0l3S ] I wanted to do one more Phil Collins song...
before they made us put our guilty pleasures back in the closet.
Well, maybe we don't have to.
Everybody seems to be having so much fun with them out on the table.
Maybe life's just better this way. I don't know about that.
I think if we always indulged ourselves in that kind of thing,
I think we'd make a lot of people pretty uncomfortable.
You don't have to be uncomfortable.
Dude, it's okay. I-I get it. Your-
Um- Your guilty pleasure is me.
I mean, I-I've known all year, and frankly,
I'm an attractive guy, and you are into dudes,
and if you weren't into me, I'd probably be pretty offended.
Mm-hmm. Um- You're...
not freaked out?
Because... I don't want to jeopardize our friendship.
You've been there for me throughout this whole Kurt- Dude. Okay. Just stop.
Stop. Nothing is going to change. [Sighs ] Oh.
Okay? We're like- We're like brothers. I trust you.
And, you know, to tell you the truth,
the attention feels kind of- kind of good.
It-It's flattering. [Chuckles Softly]
Hug it out. Let's go.
Come on. Hug it out. [ Stammers ]
Oh.
Um- Dude, um-
Please tell me that that is, uh, a pack of Life Savers in your pocket.
Oh, yeah. No. They're breath mints. Oh.
Do you want one? Uh, yeah, sure.
All right. Mmm, thanks.
All right. Let's go do one more class.
I have a song that everyone's gonnalove,so-
[School Bell Rings] Wait up.
[ Laughter On TV] [Laughs] This is- This is crazy.
This show is like crack. I cannot believe this was on regular TV.
I thought you'd like this Facts of Life marathon.
Thank God I recorded six months of 'em on the DVR. Thank you, TV Land!
Okay, so please tell me that the chick on this motorcycle...
and that super bitch get together in the end.
They do not, but...
George Clooneyjoins the cast later... No way.
As the handyman with a heart of gold. Oh, I love those guys.
[ Kurt ] And a mullet. [ Chuckles ]
We have to turn this into a musical so I can play Jo.
- Can I be Blair, and we can do a duet? - Oh.
Well, that depends on what, uh, happened with you and the American Psycho.
Yeah, we had a- a pretty mature and honest conversation.
You know, we decided that we're obviously gonna be professional,
because we're gonna see each other all the time and be in each other's lives...
because we go to the same school.
But, um-
But yeah, it's- it's over.
For real.
And, you know, I really have you to thank.
Because you didn't give up, and you really were trying...
to make me see, and- I-| appreciate you...
getting Finn to come and defend my honor.
I know that was you, so-
I swear I will never doubt your Mexican psychic third eye ever again.
[ Sighs ]
[ Rachel Sighs Loudly]
Why the long face?
You've got a /70! boyfriend pillow in there named Colin. I named him Colin...
after the non-threatening boy in The Se crez' Garden, 'cause I know you loved it.
Don't be sad.
I'm not. I'm good. I-
I feel... ready.
You know? I-|-I'm ready for my Funny Girl audition.
- And to maybe start seeing older guys. - Mmm.
And I'm definitely ready for our new and permanent roommate.
But I'm gonna use the pity card just for a second.
Since I am the one that is heartbroken and going through a breakup...
and found out that my boyfriend was some weirdo manwhore,
I'm gonna get to pick the movie tonight, okay?
And I think we should pick...
the best guilty pleasure movie musical ever.
♪♪ [ Pop: Piano Intro ]
♪ I've been cheated by you ♪
♪ Since I don't know when ♪
♪ So I've made up my mind ♪
♪ It must come to an end ♪
♪ Mmm, look at me now;
♪ Will I ever learn? ♪
♪ I don't know how;
♪ But I suddenly lose control ♪
♪ There's a fire within my soul ♪
♪ Just one look, and I can hear a bell ring ♪
♪ One more look, and I forget everything ♪
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ - [ Together] ♪ Mamma mia ♪
♪ Here I go again ♪
♪ MY, mY, how can I resist ya? ♪
♪ Mamma mia;
♪ Does it show again ♪
♪ MY: mYs just how much I've missed ya? ♪
♪ I've been angry inside about things that you do ♪
♪ I can't count all the times ♪
♪ That I told you we're through ♪
♪ And when you go ♪
♪ When you slam the door, I think you know ♪
♪ That you won't be away too long ♪
♪ You know that I'm not that strong ♪
♪ Just one look ♪
- ♪ And I can hear a bell ring ♪ - [ Bell Jingles]
♪ One more look, and I forget everything ♪
♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Mamma mia;
♪ Here I go again ♪
♪ MY, mY, how can I resist ya? ♪
♪ Mamma mia, does it show again ♪
-.I' My, my» - ♪ Just how much I missed ya? ♪
♪ Yes, I've been brokenhearted ♪
♪ Blue since the day we parted ♪
- ♪ Why, why: - ♪ Did I ever let you go? ♪
- ♪ Mamma mia ♪ - ♪ Mamma mia ♪
- ♪ Now I really know; -4' My, mya“
- ♪ I could never let you go ♪ C♪ Oh, oh, oh! ♪
♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Mamma mia ♪♪
♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]
♪♪ [ Harmonic Vocalizingj
♪ ./' [ Ends ]