[Chattering ]
Thanks for coming to meet me.
I half-thought that Brody guy was gonna be with you.
Didn't think you'd wanna spend your first Valentine's Day apart.
That's actually a little bit of a point of contention between the two of us.
He was weirded out about going to a stranger's wedding, so I-
Cool. So, I don't really need to hear about your new boyfriend that you're living with.
Finn, what's going on right now? You look like you slept in those clothes.
And you won't even look at me.
I kissed Miss Pillsbury.
Did she kiss you back? No. She was totally freaked out by it.
I don't even know how it happened. We'd been spending all this time together and then-
She was there, andljust felt the need to-
And I kissed her, and I-
Does Mr. Schue know? I don't think so.
I don't think she'd tell him, but- Maybe I should.
No. Don't. Just... don't.
Okay? Remember how you felt about Puck when you found out about him and Quinn?
You kicked a garbage can. I'm the worst person in the world!
No, you're not. What you did, it wasn't great.
But I get it. You're confused and- and lonely.
I'm sure that just knowing about Brody and I living together, I-i-it... set you off.
Not everything has to do with you.
Yeah.
- I don't know what to do. - You always wanted to be an actor, right?
So here's your chance to play the role of the supportive best man.
[School Bell Rings]
Um-
Oh-
I'd feel a lot more comfortable if this door stayed open.
The whole wall is glass, and there's 50 kids walking by.
I don't have time for this. Seriously, this seating chart is like a giant sudoku.
Will wants his mother as far away from the bar as possible,
and all of you Glee kids have dated so incestuously...
that I can't even remember who can tolerate who anymore.
I'm worried about not being able to do this, being able to look Mr. Schue in the eyes.
Look, I'm really sorry that I don't have a pamphlet handy for you right now,
but I'm pretty sure if I did it would say something like, “Get over it.” Okay?
My therapist says that I use my O.C.D. to control the uncontrollable.
Ever since I was a little kid I would plan and plan and plan all my birthday parties,
but I never actually went through with any of them...
because they were never ready by the time my birthday actually rolled around.
I just wanted to help you.
When I get on that altar and I make my solemn vows...
for the second and, I hope, the very last time,
standing right behind my husband will be his best man.
That's you,
the guy who thought it was okay to kiss me a week before my wedding,
the guy who is forcing me to lie to my fiancé.
And if you really want to help me,
then just keep a wide berth...
and keep your mouth shut.
How's my nervous little bride doing?
Um, good. ljust- I really could use some help with the seating.
Right after Glee practice. I promise.
Thank you. Okay. Come on, Finn.
Okay -
[School Bell Rings] Glee Club!
[All Cheering, Laughing ]
- Mr. Schue, how was D.C.? - D.C. was great.
- But now I am back to stay. - Holla!
For my first order of business, I wanna give a big shout-out...
to the guy who made sure I had something to come back to.
Mr. Finn Hudson. [ Cheering, Applauding ]
Now...
for this week's assignment.
- I hope it's Britney again. - [ Shouting ]
Ha-ha-ha!
Miss Pillsbury and I are finally getting married,
which makes me the happiest, luckiest man alive.
Emma has been handling all the prep,
so to help out I thought I'd take charge of the entertainment for the reception.
And though this goes against tradition,
it would mean the world to me, and to Emma,
if, instead of giving your best man speech, Finn,
you sing for us.
- What do you think? _ Uh_
Uh... yeah. Of course.
Perfect. [Laughs]
For everyone else who isn't out with Asian bird flu,
it's a Valentine's Day wedding- lt wasn't me.
Which means we need some great romantic love songs at the reception.
Wait. You want us to be your wedding singers? That is so-
Awesome. We'd be honored.
Great. I have some great ideas.
[School Bell Rings] Oh!
So, her name is Betty. She's gonna be sitting next to you.
She's my niece, she's blonde, she's an amazing singer,
and she has, um, very large, uh-
- Feet? - Boobies.
Oh. Oh, my. [Chuckles]
[ Clears Throat] Miss Pillsbury, are you okay?
What, me? Yeah. I'm fine. The locker's not though.
It's flu season. I can practically see the virus growing in here.
I'm sorry. It's just a little bit of residual wedding stress.
Nothing that any bride wouldn't feel this close to her big day though.
Right?
So, I know it's not Valentine's Day yet,
but...
I wanted you to open this now.
- [ Exhales] - They're cuff links.
I made it myself from this old typewriter my mom and I found at a garage sale.
Just wanted you to have 'em early so you could wear them to Mr. Schue's wedding.
These are so cool. But I can't wait to give you your gift.
You're gonna love it.
I love it already. I don't care what it is. I'll meet you after Spanish class. Okay?
Dude, you did get her something. Right?
Not yet. But I've got some ideas.
I've been brainstorming with my brother.
You said she had some kind of eating disorder thing, right? Yeah.
Take her out to dinner. Save a bunch of cash.
Then use that extra money to buy a ton of different lingerie.
Have her put on a fashion show. Chicks love fashion.
I know you're related to that guy, but he's kinda creepy and currently dating a sophomore.
I'm not letting you do any of that.
Dude, I don't know about this stuff. Okay?
Those are the only ideas that I had.
You wanna do something romantic, something she's gonna remember for the rest of her life.
It's not like I can afford diamond earrings or a Bentley.
It's not how much money you put into it. It's about how much of you you put into it.
Well, you got some ideas? A bunch.
Which is why you're gonna forget about Valentine's Day and make it Valentine's Week.
Genius. Thank you.
Say hi to Mrs. Sanchez for me. Will do. Thank you.
[School Bell Rings]
Where have you been? I asked you to come, like, an hour ago.
- I was getting a spray tan. - Mr. Schue asked me to sing him a song as my best man toast.
So far I've narrowed it down to “Confessions” by Usher, “My Best Friend's Girl” and...
“Lyin' Eyes” by the Eagles.
I can't go through with this. You're gonna be fine.
I'll sing with you. We can do a duet.
Pfltakethelead, and you can just sway in the background.
Right. Well, I think the real issue here is...
whether or not you can handle singing with me-
I mean, we do have some pretty dangerous musical chemistry.
I think I can control myself.
Although I will admit you do look very cute right now.
I've been dieting.
I'll pick out the song. [ Clears Throat ] [ School Bell Rings ]
Eagles sit at the top of the food chain.
Their lifting power is about four pounds. It's like a small baby.
[ Clears Throat ] What is going on with you?
Did you get more 11-hour energy shots? There's a reason they're illegal in Canada.
Nothing's going on. What could be going on? It's history class.
[Whispering ] All right.
Jacob, you got the floor. Hello.
- This is kind of embarrassing, but- - Jake!
What are you doing? Are you really standing up in front of everyone...
and singing to prove your love for Marley?
Yes, Ryder. Yes, I am.
Wow, that's so crazy and emotionally vulnerable. I had no idea.
Oh, wait. Yes, I did.
Marley, I know this is one of your favorite songs,
so this is for you.
♪ You're all I need ♪
♪ To get by-y-y ♪
♪ You're all ♪
♪ Like sweet morning dew; ♪ I need ♪
♪ I took one look at you ♪ ♪ To get by;
♪ And it was plain to see ♪
♪ You were my destiny ♪
- 3 You're all 3 - 3 With arms open wide 3
- ♪ I need ♪ - ♪ I threw away my pride ♪
- ♪ To get by; - ♪ I'll sacrifice for you ♪
♪ Dedicate my life to you ♪
♪ I will go where you lead ♪
- ♪ Come on, baby; - ♪ Always there in time of need ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, and when I lose my will ♪
♪ You'll be there to push me up the hill ♪
♪ There's no, no looking back for us ♪
♪ We've got love ♪
♪ Sure enough, that's enough ♪
♪ You're all ♪
♪ You're all I need ♪
♪ To get by:
♪ I need ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ To get by:
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh ♪ Listen.
♪ You're all ♪ ♪ Like an eagle protects his nest;
-; I need ♪ C♪ For you, I'll do my best;
♪ To get by; ♪ Stand by you like a tree ♪
♪ And dare anybody to try and move me ♪
♪ You're all ♪ ♪ Darling, in you I found ♪
-; I need to get by; - ♪ Strength when I was torn down ♪
♪ Don't know what's in store ♪
♪ But together we can open any door;
♪ Oh, baby ♪ ♪ Just to do what's good for you ♪
♪ Come on, darling, oh, oh ♪ ♪ And inspire you a little higher;
♪ I know you can make a man ♪
♪ Out of a soul that didn't have a goal ♪
♪ 'Cause we, we got the right foundation ♪
♪ And with love and determination ♪
♪ You're all ♪
♪ All the joys under the sun wrapped up into one ♪
♪ You're all ♪
♪ You're all I need ♪
♪ Oh, to get by:
♪ All right:
-3 I need you, darling ♪ - ♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ You're all I need ♪
♪ To getbv $4'
That was amazing.
You like it? Oh, my God.
She liked it. [ Marley ] That was so romantic.
[Chattering ]
- It is a Carrot Top convention. - [ Bridesmaids Giggling ]
I am so over this, and it hasn't even started yet.
I'm clearly the hottest bitch in this lousyjoint,
but I'm all alone, stuck here sitting with you.
Do you want me to slap you again?
I hate weddings, and I hate Valentine's Day.
They were invented by breeders to sell cheap chocolate and false hope.
Do you know what / hate? Men.
Every single one of them is a pig, except maybe Mr. Schue and Al Roker.
And you know what? You were right.
I do let men define me, but not anymore.
Like Gloria Steinem said,
“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”
Al Roker is disgusting, by the way.
[ Scoffs ] Whatever.
♪♪ [ Guitar: Classical ]
Hi. Betty?
Yes? Oh, God.
What? Did I beat you to the last handicap spot? Sorry.
I'm Artie. Miss Pillsbury said I should look out for you?
Hell, no. Uh-
No. Uh-
No. Wheel away.
Wheel... the hell... away.
My aunt told me she was fixing me up with someone good-looking,
so that was a lie.
Oh. I mean, some people think I'm kind of nerdy-hot, so- No,no,no.
Andrew Garfield is nerdy-hot.
You are Stephen Hawking's younger brother.
Miss Pillsbury didn't tell you I was in a wheelchair, did she?
Um, obviously not, because I don't date losers in chairs.
But you'/"e in a wheelchair. Yeah.
I'm also blonde, captain of the cheerleaders at my high school,
and I've got this going on.
[Jake] You first.
Thank you, sir. Yep.
Oh, my gosh, Jake. Are these for me?
Yes.
How did you know I love peonies? They're the queen of flowers.
Because you mentioned it in the choir room once, and Jake remembered.
Right, dude? Right. Yeah.
I love them.
And you.
[Whispering ] Thank you.
[ Moaning ]
Had I known I was gonna get groped in the back of a Prius,
I would've brought a change of clothes.
I'm gonna go in there looking like Prom." The Morning After.
[ Moaning ] What am I doing?
I'm sort of dating somebody in New York.
Uh, you're not in New York. And it's not exclusive, right?
You in this fey boy-tie- Dude, it's my Kryptonite.
[ Moaning ] Wait, this doesn't mean that we're back together, right?
No, no, no. It's-It's cool. I know, I know. lt's-
This is just bros helping bros. I love it when you talk fratty.
Tell me that's not Tina again!
Hey, can you two wrap it up?
The wedding is about to start, and I need my arm-gays.
[Gasping ] Oh, my God.
You do realize how trashy blasphemous this is, right?
Mercedes, everyone hooks up at weddings. Mm-hmm.
Let's go. All right.
This outfit needs an audience.
[ Exhales] [ Church Bells Ringing ]
Okay. [ Door Opens ]
Mmm. Oh, my God. What are you wearing?
What? This old thing?
Why, it's an exact replica of your wedding dress.
Why would you do that?
To get back at Will Schuester...
for handing a teaching position to a flabby 19-year-old.
[ Emma Inhales, Exhales ]
Um, Sue, I feel really scared.
I feel really overwhelmed. I feel like I can't think straight.
I'm just really, really worried that this isn't gonna work.
Well, of course it isn't going to work.
You're a weird bird-lady with a hollow pelvis and O.C.D.,
and Will Schuester is a weepy man-child...
whose greatest joy in life is singing with children.
And his best friend? Nineteen.
The last time was such a disaster.
I turned into somebody that I didn't even recognize.
If I'm wrong again, I won't survive.
Well, don't say that to Will Schuester.
He'll have you singing a stripped-down acoustic version of "I Will Survive”...
in front of a choir room full of teenagers with meaningful looks on their faces.
God, I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
I don't feel like there's any air in here. [ Exhales ]
♪ Today ♪
♪ Is for Emma ♪
♪ Emma, I give you the rest of my life ♪
♪ To cherish and to keep you ♪
♪ To honor you forever;
♪ Today is for Emma ♪
♪ MY h3PP"Y soon-to-be wife ♪
Emma, we're really getting married.
♪ Pardon me Is everybody there? ♪
♪ Because if everybody's there I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding ♪
♪ I'd appreciate your going even more, you must have lots of better things to do ♪
♪ Not a word of this to Will Remember Will, the man I'm gonna marry;
♪ But I'm not 'cause I wouldn't ruin anyone as wonderful as he is ♪
♪ But I thank you all for the gifts and the flowers ♪
♪ Thank you all Now it's back to the showers ♪
♪ Don't tell Will, but I'm not getting married today ♪
♪ Bless this day;
♪ Tragedy of life ♪
♪ Husband yoked to wife ♪
♪♪ [vocalizing ] ♪ The heart ♪
♪ Sinks down ♪
♪ And feels dead ♪
♪ This dreadful ♪
♪ Day ♪
Emma, I can't find my good cuff links.
They're on the dresser.
Right next to my suicide note.
♪ Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for;
♪ A wedding? What's a wedding? It's a prehistoric ritual ♪
♪ Where everybody promises fidelity forever ♪
♪ Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard ♪
♪ And which is followed by a honeymoon where suddenly he'll realize ♪
♪ He's saddled with a nut and want to kill me, which he should ♪
♪ So thanks a bunch, but I'm not getting married ♪
♪ Go have lunch 'cause I'm not getting married ♪
♪ You've been grand, but I'm not getting married ♪
♪ Don't just stand there I'm not getting married ♪
♪ And don't tell Will, but I'm not getting married today ♪
♪ Emma, I give you ♪ ♪ Go. Can't you go? Look, you know I adore you all ♪
♪ The rest of my life ♪ ♪ But why watch me die like Eliza on the ice? ♪
♪ But perhaps I'll collapse in the apse right before you all ♪ ♪ To cherish and to keep you ♪
♪ To honor you forever; ♪ So take back the cake, burn the shoes and boil the rice ♪
♪ Look, I didn't wanna tell you, but I may be coming down with hepatitis ♪
♪ I think I'm gonna faint So if you wanna see me faint I'll do it happily;
♪ But wouldn't it be funnier to go and watch a funeral ♪
♪ My adorable wife ♪ ♪ So thank you for the 27 dinner plates ♪
♪ 37 butter knives, 47 paperweights, 57 candleholders ♪
- ♪ One more thing ♪ - ♪ I'm not getting married ♪
- ♪ Softly say ♪ C♪ But I'm not getting married ♪
- 3 With this ring 3 -3 I'm not getting married 3
♪ I thee wed ♪ ♪ See, I'm not getting married ♪
♪ Let us pray that we are/we're not getting married today ♪♪
[ Gasping, Whimpering ]
♪♪ [ Organ: “Bridal Chorus” ]
[ Door Opens ]
♪♪ [ Stops ]
[Guests Murmuring ]
[ Chuckling ]
Oh, yeah. Nice to see you all. [ Clicks Tongue ]
Hey, what do you think?
Nice, huh?
Thank you for coming.
Oh, look, it's all the Glee kids.
[ Mouthing Words ] You look so good.
Sue, what are you doing?
I am trying to stop this...
from becoming an utter fiasco.
Emma's left the building.
[ Church Bell Ringing ]
So, did she give you any idea why she might do this?
I mean, like, leading up to today, did she tell you anything or-
She didn't have to tell me anything.
I left her with all this stress and planning.
She was losing it, and I kept telling her that it was her usual obsessiveness.
Yeah, but she left you at the altar, man. That's pretty hard-core.
[ Sighs ]
You think there is something else?
Do you think there's- Do you think there's someone else?
[ Footsteps] [ Clears Throat]
I have been chosen, probably because I'm numb to other people's feelings,
to come here and ask what you would like to do, Mr. Sohue.
- About what? - A-About the reception.
Miss Pillsbury's parents say they paid for the whole thing,
so we might as well go ahead and have the party.
If you ask me, they seem pretty happy about what happened.
We can't have a reception now. Sure you can.
All of you came back. You should be together.
[ Chuckles ] Just because I ruined my Valentine's Day...
doesn't mean I have to ruin all of yours too.
I'm gonna go see if I can find Emma.
♪♪ [ Speakers: Pop ]
Let's go. [ Brittany, Indistinct ]
[ Chuckles ]
[Guests Chattering ]
[ Brittany ] Watch this. We all should've known...
that a Valentine's Day wedding was just asking for a disaster.
Love stinks.
Sorry, ladies. Can I see some l.D.?
I'm 25. Name's Rosario Cruz. I might be related to Penelope.
You? Emily Stark. Barely legal.
Well, that's good, 'cause I hear your professors are into that.
You know, we always were two ends of the same bitch-goddess spectrum.
Maybe that's why we love each other so much.
And slap each other. [Chuckles]
You know, I have to say, Rosario,
you are killing it in that dress.
Thanks.
Look at those romantic saps.
They may have love, but you know what we are that they are not?
Flawless. [ Chuckles ]
♪♪ [ Continues ]
Ooh, that looks good. I'm gonna go dance.
Dude, you are like some kind of love genius.
Do you spend all your time watching Lifetime?
Marley has a wicked case of Puckerman fever.
I just need one more act of romantic awesomeness to make the condition fatal.
Do you think maybe just one of these gifts should be your idea?
No, my ideas suck.
I tried to write her a poem, and the only words that I could come up with...
to rhyme with Marley was “barley” and “gnarly.”
Here.
It's a heart pendant from the jeweler at the mall.
It's pretty, but it's not too expensive,
so she won't think you stole it.
Okay, I'm going to ignore the subtly racist overtones of that comment...
because you are my hero.
I mean, this is perfect.
I am so getting laid tonight. What?
Well, I mean, Marley has wanted to take things slow,
and we have, which is fine, but-
I mean, all this romance is like nitrous.
I got us a room upstairs just in case, but- [ Sighs ] I think it's gonna happen.
She's not ready for that. She's just a sophomore.
She's still getting over her eating disorder.
[ Sighs ]
She is not like other girls. Okay?
I think I'm in love with her.
And I think she's finally letting her guard down enough to love me back.
I promised you I wouldn't hurt her. Right?
Well, I keep my promises.
Especially to friends who are putting whatever feelings they're having aside...
to make something special happen for me.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
I have something for you. What?
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
♪♪ [Ends 1 [Guests Cheering ]
♪♪ [Song Changes: Upbeat]
♪ When I'm with you, baby;
♪ I go out of my head ♪
♪ And I just can't get enough And I just can't get enough ♪
♪ All the things you do to me ♪
♪ And everything you said ♪
♪ I just can't get enough ♪
You know that what happened today isn't your fault, right?
How would you know?
Because I've seen every runaway bride movie that there is,
and I know that when the bride runs away,
it's never because of a random kiss.
It's because she knew, deep down inside, that it wasn't right.
Well, look, it's not every day that we're in the same city, so let's dance.
♪ And I just can't seem to get enough of ♪
♪ We walk together;
♪ We're walking down the street ♪
♪ And I just can't get enough And I just can't get enough ♪
♪ Every time I think of you ♪
♪ I know we have to meet;
♪ And I just can't get enough ♪
♪ I just can't get enough ♪
♪ It's getting hotter;
♪ It's a burning love ♪
♪ And I just can't seem to get enough ♪
Oh, my God. Did you not get it before?
Yeah, I did. More than you know.
You're mean, you're awful, because you're angry because you're in the chair.
- I understand. - Wow. Could you be any more reductive and handi-centric?
I'm fine with my chair.
What I'm not fine with is suffering fools.
If you think that makes me mean and awful- I do.
However, I find you oddly compelling, so...
will you dance with me?
I'm pretty legendary for my dance moves.
All right, fine. One dance. That's all I ask.
♪♪ [ Continues ] [ Giggles ]
♪ And when it rains ♪
♪ You're shining down for me ♪
♪ And I just can't get enough And I just can't get enough ♪
♪ Just like a rainbow;
♪ You know you set me free ♪
♪ And I just can't get enough ♪
♪ You're like an angel and you give me your love ♪
♪ And I just can't seem to get enough of ♪
♪ I just can't get enough I just can't get enough ♪ :Oh.r
♪ I just can't get enough I just can't get enough ♪
- ♪ I just can't get enough I just can't get enough ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪
♪ I just can't get enough I just can't get enough ♪
♪ It's getting hotter It's a burning love ♪
♪ And I just can't seem to get enough of ♪♪
[ Cheering, Applause ]
[ Mouths Words ] Thank you.
I'm gonna get some punch. Do you want anything? Uh, yeah, I'll take a cup.
But just remember, we're not- Dating.
We're just here as friends. I know.
Ooh, baby cupcakes.
I don't like the way you treat Blaine. There. I said it.
You're here, you're in New York, you're at Vogue.com, at NYADA- Who are you, Kurt?
Meanwhile, Blaine is here, lonely. And yes, he cheated.
We're all human, Kurt. We all deserve to be loved back, Kurt.
Okay, Tina, I say this with total love, but the moment we all saw coming is finally here.
You're a hag. You're hagged out. You're in love with Blaine, and it's creepy. Stop.
What do you know about love? You just come and go.
Who's been here to support him? Me. Who took him to Sadie Hawkins? Me.
Who put him in bed when he got sick...
and rubbed VapoRub on his little muscled chest while he slept-
Wh-What'? You- Huh'? What'?
No, I didn't mean- This isn't about me, Kurt! I have to go.
Did you vapo-rape my ex-boyfriend?
Don't walk away from me, Tina Cohen-Chang!
Today is the day we honor Saint Valentine,
a man publicly beheaded for defying his government...
by exchanging candies and chocolates...
to nonsensically render the objects of our affection...
more fat and less attractive.
And in other nonsensical traditions,
Emma left behind her bouquet as she fled the scene,
leaving it to somebody else to toss these soon-to-be-dead flowers...
under the mythical belief that whoever catches them...
will magically become the next person to get married...
or, more than likely, to sprint from the altar.
So gather round, single ladies,
and allow me to be the one to enable your false dreams and ridiculous expectations.
[ Giggling, Chattering ]
- [ Laughing ] _ - [ Cheering, Whooping ]
[Applause ]
That's weird.
See, traditionally only single girls line up to catch the bouquet.
She loves me.
I am single.
You live with a guy.
- She loves me not. - Have you been drinking?
You know, you were the one who told me...
to stop moping around and being such a sad sack.
She loves me.
It got me thinking about Will and Emma,
about how relationships are a lot like flowers.
If you find the right seed,
put it in good soil,
give it water and sunlight-
Barn. Perfect bud.
She loves me not.
And then comes winter...
and the flower dies.
But if you tend that garden,
spfingfl come along...
and that flower will bloom again.
She loves me.
Are you telling me that you want to be a gardener?
I'm asking you, how you can live with a guy but still be single?
She loves me not.
Come on. It's New York. Okay? Haven't you ever seen Sex and ('he City?
Brody and I had a very mature conversation.
We just decided that we're not gonna, you know,
put any labels on anything and worry about what we are.
She loves me.
So, do you really believe all that stuff you tell yourself...
about no labels and mature conversations, Sex and ('he City, really?
She loves me not.
You think I'm lying to you?
I think you're lying to yourself.
She loves me.
And I think that the reason you can't really commit to Brody...
is because you're still in love with someone else.
She loves me not.
You?
You and I both know how this thing ends.
I-I don't know how or when,
and I don't care where you're living...
or-or what dope you're shacked up with.
You're my girlfriend.
We are endgame.
I know that, and you know that.
We gotta go sing our duet, so-
Yeah.
♪♪ [ Piano]
♪♪ [ Continues ]
♪ I know it's late ♪
♪ I know you're weary;
♪ I know your plans ♪
♪ Don't include me ♪
♪ Still here we are ♪
♪ Both of us lonely;
♪ Longing for shelter ♪
♪ From all that we see ♪
.1' Why should we worry? ♪
♪ No one will care, girl ♪
[ Rachel ] ♪ Look at the stars now;
♪ So far away ♪
♪ We've got tonight ♪
♪ Who needs tomorrow? ♪
♪ We've got tonight, babe ♪
♪ Why don't you stay? ♪
♪ Deep in my soul ♪
♪ I've been so lonely;
♪♪ [ Continues ] I've never slow-danced with a girl before.
I like it.
♪ And I've longed for love ♪
♪ Like everyone else does ♪
♪ I know I'll keep searching ♪
♪ After today ♪
♪ So there it is, girl ♪
♪ We've got it all now ♪
♪ And here we are, babe ♪
♪ What do you say? ♪
[ Together] ♪ We've got tonight ♪
♪ Who needs tomorrow? ♪
♪ We've got tonight, babe ♪
♪ Why don't we stay? ♪
♪ I know it's late ♪
♪ And I know you're weary ♪
♪ I know your plans don't include me ♪
♪ Still here we are ♪
[Together] ♪ Both of us lonely;
[ Laughing, Chattering ]
♪ We've got tonight ♪
♪ Who needs tomorrow? ♪
♪ Let's make it last;
♪ Let's find a way ♪
♪ Turn out the light; ♪ Oh-ohh ♪
♪ Come take my hand now;
[Together] ♪ We've got tonight, babe ♪
♪ Why don't we stay? ♪
♪ We've got tonight, babe ♪
♪ Why don't we ♪
♪ Sta)/.F.F
Tell me now that we're not back together.
- I mean... it was fun, but- - Don't-
I'm not gonna let you minimize this, Kurt.
It's no accident that we were together...
on Christmas and again on Valentine's Day.
And we're going to be together for many, many more,
no matter how much you pretend that this doesn't mean anything.
I'll see you downstairs.
[ Door Opens ] Okay.
[ Door Closes ]
[ Sighs ]
So that's why college girls experiment.
And thank God they do.
It was fun, and I've always wondered what it would be like to be with a woman,
but, uh, I don't know- I think for me it was more of a one-time thing.
Look, you don't have to worry. I'm not gonna show up at your house with a U-Haul.
[ Chuckles ]
- So what happens next? - Well, you could walk out first.
Or we could make it a two-time thing?
Was it good for you?
I don't know. You?
No idea.
[ Both Laughing ]
[ Sighs ] I'm sorry. Ah, don't be.
But you spent so much money on this room. No, I didn't.
I just snagged a key card from the maid's cart and tried every door till one opened.
Are you serious? No.
[Laughs]
Come on. Can we at least make it back downstairs for another dance?
Let's go.
Hello?
Oh, my God. This is amazing.
Just a little something I threw together.
Only took me two whole days, but you're worth it.
Thank you.
I felt bad about us not being together on Valentine's Day,
but since, uh, Kurt and Santana are out until tomorrow,
I thought we could take advantage.
[Laughs]
Did you kiss somebody else when you were away? You're kissing differently.
Well, what if I did?
I thought we were in a modern and open relationship. Yeah, we are.
But, I mean, the key is that we are honest with each other with everything that we do.
So, did you see Finn?
Finn's fine. He lives in Ohio.
And I live here with you.
Cool?
Like a cucumber. [Laughs]
Thank you for being honest with me.
Well, speaking of being honest, what about you, huh?
Mm-hmm. Who did you see? Who did you do?
I'm sure there are a lot of lonely girls in New York City on Valentine's Day.
I stayed at home and watched weight lifting videos.
Well, thank you for being honest with me.
Care to join me in the bedroom?
[ Sighs ]
Is it okay if I pass tonight?
I have airplane belly.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.
I am kind of worn out from the night before you left.
Okay, so, couch time and- Yes!
I will get some popcorn.
I'm glad to have you back. I genuinely missed you.
[ School Bell Rings ] Before you say anything, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I attacked you at the reception.
It's just, I saw you up there, singing with Blaine,
and I saw the old, legendary chemistry.
I saw two soul mates rediscovering each other, and I was jealous.
Why couldn't that be me? Why can't I have that with someone?
You will. Just not with me.
I'm sorry that I've been throwing myself at you, making a fool of myself,
hoping for something I know can never be.
It's okay, Tina. Truth is, we've all experienced unrequited love before.
We've all done things we wish we didn't, and we all just want to get back to being friends.
And that's just what we are. I mean, we're just friends.
We're going to the double feature of All About Eve and Show/gir/s at the revival house,
if you want to come with us.
Mystery solved. Hagatha Christie.
- I'm gonna be a third wheel for the rest of my life. - That's not even remotely true.
Starting right now, I'm gonna help you get a boyfriend.
And when I called you a hag,
I was bringing attention to the fact...
that you are honoring the noble and proud tradition of hagdom.
Yeah. And I, for one, am psyched that my very first hag was someone as kick-ass...
[ Blaine, Kurt] as Ms. Tina Cohen-Chang.
[Tina Laughs]
[School Bell Rings] Hey.
Sorry I didn't get to see you after the party.
I wanted to say thank you. For what?
Come on. Jake is awesome and everything, but he's not capable of that. Any of it.
I know it was you whispering in his ear like Cyrano.
Like who? Anyway, it was sweet.
And romantic.
And whenever you do that for someone for real,
she's going to be the luckiest girl on the planet.
It was for real.
I'm sorry.
I should probably go. Yeah.
[School Bell Rings]
Uh, that was a fresh cup.
Clearly it's not working. You're sitting there looking half asleep.
- What has gotten into you, Finn? - Everything.
The whole situation- itsucks, and it's time to fix it.
No one ever felt better sitting around, moping, feeling sorry for themselves.
That's what Glee Club, and you, have taught me over the years.
Never shy away from a challenge. Never back down.
And-And no matter what, do not give up.
I am not giving up. I- I just need time to process.
Look, there's no time to process, Mr. Schue.
Somewhere out there right now there's a /I//iss Pillsbury running around...
who should already be a Mrs. Schuester.
Emma needs her husband,
and the New Directions need both of their coaches.
I'll be right by your side. I'm your best man.
We're going to go and win nationals again... together.
And together, we're gonna find your wife.
And we're gonna make things right.
Okay -
Thank you.
[School Bell Rings]
Surprised to see me? No.
I saw you two minutes ago. You took forever wheeling up here.
Before I went home, I wanted to apologize...
for being so bitchy at the wedding.
When I get nervous, I get kind of mean.
Kind of mean? You were like Idi Amin mean.
I know! I'm working on that.
Anyway, thanks for putting up with me.
And thanks for-
You're, like, the best I've ever had, and I've had a lot.
Oh, me too.
I mean, my sexual prowess is legendary throughout the Great Lakes states.
[ Both Laugh ]
Give me your digits, woman. Why?
'Cause this Saturday I'm taking you out. Like on a date?
Yes. Definitely a date.
We'll grab some dinner, maybe see a movie.
Or we could just skip the dinner and movie, and-
Charter a private jet, fly to Paris,
dance under the Arc de Triomphe on the Champs-Elysées.
Yo, when you're rolling with Artie Abrams, anything can happen.
♪ Stripped to the waist, we fall into the river ♪
♪ Cover your eyes so you don't know the secret ♪
♪ Yeah, since we found out ♪
♪ Since we found out;
♪ That anything could happen ♪
♪ Anything could happen, anything could ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
♪ After the war we said we'd fight together;
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ I guess we thought that's just what humans do ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ But now I've seen it through ♪
♪ And now I know the truth ♪
♪ That anything could happen, anything could happen ♪
♪ Anything could ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
♪ BaDY ♪
♪ I'll giv_e you eVeT3/thing you need ♪
♪ I'll give you everything you need, oh ♪
♪ But I don't think I need you ♪
♪ Stripped to the waist, we fall into the river ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Yeah, since we found out ♪
♪ Since we found out;
♪ That anything could happen ♪
♪ Anything could happen, anything could ♪
♪ I know it's gonna be ♪
♪ All right ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, oh, yeah, hey-hey; ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ But I don't think I need you ♪
♪♪ [ All Vocalizing ]
♪ Anything could happen ♪♪
[ Sirens Wailing, Distant]
[ Train Passing ] [ Horns Honking, Distant ]
♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]
♪♪ [ Harmonic Vocalizingj
♪ ./' [ Ends ]