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♪♪ [vocalizing ]
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00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:04,845
[ Kurt Narrating]
Look at her.
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00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:07,730
This class is supposed to be
free sing- for everyone-
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00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,484
but Rachel hasn't
stopped screeching...
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00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:11,927
like a third-rate Maria Callas
since the bell rang.
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Because I'm her best friend,
I can say this.
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Rachel's always been
a little insufferable,
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00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,603
but ever since
she won Winter Showcase,
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00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,921
- her ego and be/7a War are our
of con!/'0/. - [ lnaudible]
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At home she uses up all the hot
water, leaves rings in the tub,
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and don't get me started on the
hair extensions clogging the sink.
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- ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] - A!' school,
she es o/7e ws my company,
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and instead, surrounds herself
with easily awed sycophants.
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Oh, my God, Rachel.
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BroadwayWorld.com is saying that the
long-rumored revival of Funny Girl.--
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is finally
happening this season.
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You have to audition.
I couldn't.
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Okay, there is only
one Fanny Brice,
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and that is
the Ms. Barbra Streisand.
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But you'/"e
Barbra's heir apparent.
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- [ Ringing ]
- You gonna get that?
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[ Narrating Continues] On some level,
I always knew this would happen-
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that as Rachel's star rose, so too
would her prima donna-like tendencies.
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[Cheering ]
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Yes, it's become clear to me:
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This Sarah Brightman in training
needs to be knocked down a few pegs,
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and I'm the only one
who can do it.
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[ School Bell Rings ] I can't do this.
I can't do this.
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There's 10 days to the wedding,
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and I have all these
choices to make by myself.
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I mean, I know Will trusts me, but
I'm a Libra. I can't do this.
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- Well, when does he get back?
- End of the week.
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But it was
a big success.
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Will said that they got
Congress to agree...
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to cut federal arts funding
in schools by 35% instead of 50.
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Pretty amazing.
Yeah.
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So, are you guys going
on a honeymoon or something?
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Um, I'm sure we will.
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Will keeps suggesting
Costa Rica, but,
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I mean, us gingers can't be
that close to the equator.
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Why are you asking?
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I just assumed that Mr. Schue is
gonna want his Glee Club back.
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Well, look, I-I don't think
you need to worry...
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about Will kicking you
out on the street,
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especially not after you did such an
extraordinaryjob while he was gone.
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I mean, you coached a really inexperienced
team all the way to regionals.
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I think that's
pretty impressive.
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Regionals is
a different ball game.
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You need these big, brassy
voices to bully the competition-
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- Rachel, Santana, Mercedes, even Kurt.
- Blaine can do that.
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Yeah, but it's-it's about more
than just being able to sing.
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- It's about the attitude, you know?
- Yeah.
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Those kids didn't just want to win.
They wanted to crush the competition.
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Well, maybe you should have
alessonthat toughens 'em up.
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You know, I mean,
weren't there weeks...
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where Will had you guys
competing against each other?
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That's the perfect idea,
Ms. Pillsbury. Thank you.
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You're very welcome.
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And you can be our special celebrity
guest judge to help decide who wins.
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- [School Bell Rings]
- Diva.
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So, now that we're back in the game,
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we've got to come strong.
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Diva Week is all about finding
your inner powerhouse.
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Ms. Pillsbury?
That's right.
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The online Urban Dictionary
defines a diva as...
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“a fierce, often temperamental
singer who comes correct.
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She is not a trick-ass ho,
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and she does not
sweat da haters.”
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Great. So I guess the guys
are screwed this week.
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Um- [ Clears Throat ]
Guys can be divas.
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That's right,
we all have inner divas.
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I myself have been considered quite
a diva at many a local restaurant,
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because I know what I want,
and I will send a dish back.
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You all might as well just
quit while you're ahead,
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because there are only
two ways to spell Unique.
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And one of them is
D-I-V-A- Diva.
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M'kay? Shantay, I stay,
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and it will be brought, dished
out and served then mopped up...
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by the time you
even pick out a wig.
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Looking at you,
clocking that sadness.
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I have more diva
in my little finger...
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than you have in your whole angry
inch, Wade-Unique. [Laughs]
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Tina, you've kind of been talking
some ridiculous trash for months,
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unchallenged,
and that stops now.
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Use that finger, use that snap.
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Listen, guys can be divas.
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You guys, I'm gonna
win Diva Week.
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And do you know how I know that?
It's because-
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JHOJ
;Fma-adNa;
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♪ Yeah, a diva ♪
♪ I'm a- I'm a- a diva;
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♪ I'm a- I'm a- a diva ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
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♪ I'm a- I'm a- a diva
I'm a- I'm a- a diva ♪
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♪ I'm a- I'm a- a diva ♪
♪ I'm a diva ♪
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-; I'm a- I'm a- a diva I'm a-
I'm a- a diva ♪ C♪ Oh, yeah ♪
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♪ Na, na, na Diva is a
female version of a hustla ♪
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- ♪ Of a hustla Of a- Of a
hustla ♪ - ♪ Yeah, oh ♪
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♪ Stop the track,
let me state facts ♪
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♪ I told you, give me a minute
and I'll be right back;
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♪ Fifty million
round the world ♪
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♪ And they say
that I couldn't get it ♪
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♪ I done got so sick and filthy
with Benjis, I can't spend it;
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♪ How you gonna be talkin'? You
act like I just got up in it;
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♪ Been the number one diva
in this game for a minute ♪
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♪ I know you read the paper, the
one that they call a queen ♪
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♪ Every radio round
the world know me ♪
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♪ 'Cause that's where I be ♪
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♪ I'm a- a diva
I'm a- I'm a- a diva ♪
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-; I'm a- I'm a- a diva I'm a-
I'm a- a diva ♪ C♪ I'm a diva ♪
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♪ I'm a- I'm a- a diva;
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♪ I'm a- I'm a- a diva
I'm a- I'm a- a diva ♪
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- ♪ Yeah ♪ C♪ Na, na, na, diva is
a female version of a hustla ♪
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-; Of a hustla ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
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♪ Of a- Of a hustla ♪
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♪ Na, na, na Diva is a
female version of a hustla ♪
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- ♪ Of a hustla Of a- Of
a hustla ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪
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♪ Since 15 in my stilettos,
been struttin' in this game ♪
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♪ “VVhat's your age?” was the question
they asked when I hit the stage ♪
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♪ I'm a diva, best believe her,
You see her, she gettin' paid ♪
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♪ She ain't callin' him
to greet her;
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♪ Don't need him
Her bed's made ♪
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♪ This is a stick-up,
stick-up ♪
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♪ I need them bags,
all that money;
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♪ All my ladies, get it up
I see you, I do the same ♪
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♪ Take it to another level,
no passengers on my plane ♪
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- ♪ Diva is a female version
of a hustla ♪ -.rOh:
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m a diva ♪ m a- a diva,
a- I'm a- a diva ♪
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-; I'm a diva;
-; I'm a- I'm a- a diva ♪
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00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:34,010
-_l~ I'm a- I'm a- a diva;
- ♪ H€Y.l'.l'
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And that is how I made the manager
cry at the Cheesecake Factory-
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by being a diva.
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[School Bell Rings]
[Chattering ]
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[ Shrieking Vocalization ]
Oh, hey, you're awake.
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An hour
before my alarm clock.
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Can you make me a little tea with some honey
and lemon? It's really good for my throat.
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Sure! I'll just run down
to the store and get you some.
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I'll take that
as a no-
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an incredibly rude no
that deserves an explanation.
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Okay, Rachel, truth time.
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You have been a nightmare
ever since the Winter Showcase.
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I knew it. It was only a matter of time before
you became jealous of all of my success.
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And just when we were
getting inseparable!
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Oh! We became close
because you became tolerable.
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But now you've got that
weird naked boyfriend...
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00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,085
and that weird
legion of sycophants.
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Oh! Now you are like-
You're like an annoying,
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00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,522
self-righteous Lima Rachel
on steroids!
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00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,206
You know what? Let me give you
a little bit of truth, Kurt, okay?
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The only reason why Carmen Tibideaux even
let you sing at the Winter Showcase...
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00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,609
was because she knew that
you and I were friends.
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00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,047
You might have won the showcase,
but my performance...
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00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,122
was the one that everyone
was talking about,
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because I blew you away.
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And I could do it again.
Midnight Madness.
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You and me, head-to-head.
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I wouldn't do that
if I were you, babe.
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00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,201
Oh, why not?
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'Cause I already
beat you once.
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Diva-off sophomore year?
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00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,004
Remember?
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00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,605
Only because I threw it.
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That high “F”
in “Defying Gravity”?
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I can hit that baby in my sleep.
I tanked the note on purpose.
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Okay, why would you do that?
'Cause I didn't want to win.
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I wanted to save my dad
the embarrassment...
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00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,523
of having his son sing a song
written for a woman.
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00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,001
I don't believe you.
Take that back.
167
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,286
I can't. It's truth time.
168
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,091
That was my first big win!
169
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,640
That was the foundation that I
built all of my confidence on...
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00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:10,801
for the past two years!
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Aw, consider it cracked.
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00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,646
Get ready
for diva-off part two.
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And this time,
I'm not throwing anything.
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Enjoy your tea.
[Sirens Wailing In Distance]
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00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,127
[ School Bell Ringing ]
[ Groans ]
176
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,601
[ Inhales, Coughs]
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00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:27,810
Here, I put together a little
cold-buster kit for you.
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00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,644
Cool. Uh, how did you know?
179
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,081
Your nose was red
yesterday.
180
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,130
Start off with cough drops,
then two packs of vitamin
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00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,282
a cup of my homemade
Chinese chicken soup,
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00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,011
and finish with my secret weapon,
nighttime cold medicine.
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00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,481
Oh, thank you.
I really appreciate this.
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00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,050
It's gonna have me feeling
better in no time,
185
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,804
except for maybe the
nighttime cold medicine.
186
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,484
Why? It's amazing.
187
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,688
Just makes me really
sleepy and woozy,
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00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,728
which is something I can't
afford to be right now,
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00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,326
not with Diva Week
in full swing.
190
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,050
[ Clears Throat]
191
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,562
I want to be able to prove
that men can be divas too,
192
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,007
which is why I'm gonna give 'em a
full dose of some Freddie Mercury,
193
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,050
just to show how the boys can
really bring some diva attitude.
194
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,841
Mr. Anderson, you find new
ways to inspire me every day.
195
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,365
Aw. [ Sniffs ] Thanks, Tina.
196
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:11,441
[School Bell Rings]
[ Chuckles ]
197
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:15,809
♪ Tonight
I'm gonna have myself ♪
198
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:17,723
♪ A real good time ♪
199
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:23,523
♪ I feel alive ♪
200
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:30,768
♪ And the world's
turnin' inside out, yeah ♪
201
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:36,370
♪ I'm floating around
in ecstasy, so ♪
202
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,365
♪ Don't stop me now;
203
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,522
♪ Don't stop me ♪
204
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,683
♪ 'Cause I'm havin' a good time
Havin' a good time ♪
205
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,684
♪ I'm a shootin' star,
Ieapin' through the sky ♪
206
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:53,527
♪ Like a tiger
defyin' the laws of gravity ♪
207
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:57,650
♪ I'm a racin' car passin' by
like Lady Godiva ♪
208
00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:00,041
♪ I'm gonna go, go, 90 ♪
209
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,885
♪ There's no stoppin' me ♪
210
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,691
♪ I'm burnin'
through the sky, yeah ♪
211
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:10,402
♪ 200 degrees That's why they call me Mr.
Fahrenheit ♪
212
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,801
♪ I'm travelin'
at the speed of light ♪
213
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,929
♪ I wanna make
a supersonic woman of you ♪
214
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,083
♪ Don't stop me,
don't stop me, don't stop me ♪
215
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,561
-4' Hey, hey, hey; - ♪ Don't
stop me, don't stop me ♪
216
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,802
-3 Ooh, ooh, ooh;
-3 I like it;
217
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,327
-; Don't stop me, don't stop me ♪
C♪ Have a good time, good time ♪
218
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,765
♪ Don't stop me,
don't stop me ♪
219
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:30,962
:Oh.r
220
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,530
♪ It's all right;
221
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:42,644
♪ Oh, I'm burnin'
through the sky, yeah ♪
222
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:46,645
♪ 200 degrees That's why they call me Mr.
Fahrenheit ♪
223
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,451
♪ I'm travelin'
at the speed of light ♪
224
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,922
♪ I wanna make
a supersonic man out of you ♪
225
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,446
♪ Don't stop me now;
226
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,605
♪ I'm havin' such a good time
I'm havin' a ball ♪
227
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,682
♪ Don't stop me now;
228
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:05,526
♪ If you wanna have a good time,
just give me a call ♪
229
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,683
- ♪ Don't stop me now; -3
'Cause I'm havin' a good time ♪
230
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,650
- ♪ Don't stop me now; -3
Yes, I'm havin' a good time ♪
231
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:18,171
♪ I don't want to stop
at all ♪♪
232
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,481
[ Cheering, Applause ]
233
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,090
[School Bell Rings]
234
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,642
They say that true divas
aren't really mortal.
235
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:33,645
They're more like the Loch
Ness Monster or-or Sméagol.
236
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,210
[ Emma]
Divas walk-
237
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,840
Yeah. and they talk and
they breathe brilliance.
238
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:42,801
So, here to demonstrate that elusive
brilliance is a very special guest diva.
239
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,247
- Raven-Symoné.
- All the way from Louisville,
240
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,810
give it up
for Miss Santana Lopez.
241
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,201
♪♪ [ Rock Intro]
242
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,008
♪ A church house gin house ♪
243
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,560
♪ A schoolhouse outhouse ♪
244
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:02,042
♪ On highway number 19 ♪
245
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,771
♪ The people keep
the city clean ♪
246
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,410
♪ They call it Nutbush ♪
247
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,809
♪ Oh, Nutbush ♪
248
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,449
♪ Call it Nutbush City Limits ♪
249
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,965
♪ Nutbush City;
250
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,970
♪ Twenty fields on weekdays ♪
251
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,850
♪ And have a picnic
on Labor Day ♪
252
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,321
♪ You go to town
on Saturday ♪
253
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,767
♪ But go to church
every Sunday ♪
254
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:32,208
- 3 They call it Nutbush 3
- 3 Ooh 3
255
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,284
- ♪ Oh, Nutbush ♪
C♪ Ooh ♪
256
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,284
♪ Call it Nutbush City Limits ♪
257
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,641
-3 Nutbush City;
- ♪ He)/ ♪
258
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,730
♪ No whiskey
for sale ♪
259
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,770
♪ You can't
cop no bail ♪
260
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,605
- ♪ Salt pork and molasses ♪
- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
261
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:54,162
'J IS all you get ' ' 'I
'J 0oh, ooh; In Jal ♪
262
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,210
- 3 They call it Nutbush 3
- 3 Ooh 3
263
00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,051
- ♪ Oh, Nutbush ♪
C♪ Ooh ♪
264
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,963
♪ They call it Nutbush City ♪
265
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,450
♪ Nutbush City Limits ♪
266
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,090
♪ A quiet little old community;
267
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,845
♪♪ [vocalizing ]
268
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,485
♪ A one-horse town ♪
269
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,128
♪ You have to watch
what you're putting down ♪
270
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,010
♪ Nutbush City Limits ♪
271
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,445
♪ Nutbush City;
272
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,648
♪ Oh, Nutbush ♪
273
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,320
♪ They call it Nutbush ♪
274
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,890
♪ They call it
Nutbush City Limits ♪♪
275
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,167
- [ A
_ ye'§!Iolause, Cheers ]
276
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,410
Whoo!
277
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:43,646
Santana, that was simply the greatest
moment in show business history.
278
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,768
But how come you didn't tell me
you were coming to town?
279
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,923
I think the better question is, why didn't
you tell me that you were dating Sam?
280
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:53,210
I had just left a comment on my favorite
Rizzo//' & /s/es lesbian subtext blog...
281
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,770
when I heard the news.
282
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,490
One word- Bram.
283
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,085
Gotta go, hon.
284
00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,924
Oh, and before I forget,
allow me to introduce...
285
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,368
my backup,
and my girlfriend, Elaine.
286
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,808
And by girlfriend, I mean out
and proud, lipstick-loving,
287
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,882
AfterEllen-reading
girlfriend.
288
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,965
- [ Artie ] That was so good. That
was so good. - [ School Bell Rings ]
289
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,447
Okay, so if I'm gonna win
this Midnight Madness thing-
290
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:17,965
which I am-
291
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,361
then I'm gonna need to know
exactly what it is.
292
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,842
NYADA's F/jghz' Club,
but singing instead of punching.
293
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,287
Twice a year,
we break into a classroom...
294
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,761
for a no-holds-barred
sing-off till the death.
295
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,842
Winner gets
ultimate bragging rights...
296
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,763
for the rest of the time
that they're at NYADA.
297
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,842
Loser gets
shamed and humiliated.
298
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,605
Hmm, well, then I guess
I'm gonna have to beat Kurt.
299
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:40,331
- Oh, don't worry, you will.
- Hmm.
300
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,368
We all heard about Taylor the
Latte Boy challenging you,
301
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,362
and... it's a joke.
302
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,044
Like those outfits of his?
303
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,407
Now, everyone knows
the only reason Hummel got in...
304
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,005
is 'cause he's Carmen's
pet turtle-face.
305
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:50,525
Signing up
for Adam's Apples?
306
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,881
He might as well wear a sign
around his neck that says,
307
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,928
"I am pathetic.
Please club me to death.”
308
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,002
Kurt earned his place here
at NYADA, same as you two.
309
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,320
Excuse me?
310
00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,930
It's okay, Rachel.
311
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,889
I've dealt with a lot worse
than bitchy gossip.
312
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,167
However I got here,
the point is, I'm here.
313
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,966
And me, my outfits and my turtle
face aren't going anywhere.
314
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,441
We'll see about that
at Midnight Madness.
315
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,725
[School Bell Rings]
316
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,928
[ Emma ]
So how did you find out?
317
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,686
She changed her Facebook
relationship status to “shacked up.”
318
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,285
Mine's still
“heartbroken.”
319
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,443
I haven't been interested in other
women since Rachel and I broke up.
320
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,683
Well, maybe it's time to be.
There's a great new math sub.
321
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:34,242
- I know she's a little- But-
- She's, like, 26.
322
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,607
VVhatdo- What do I have to
offer a grown woman like that?
323
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,170
I'm just a man-boy.
324
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,129
I get what it feels like
to be lonely.
325
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,567
I haven't really felt like
myself since VVill's been away,
326
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,529
and it's kind of scary.
327
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,809
Sometimes you feel like it's the only feeling
you're ever gonna have in the world.
328
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,121
[ Bell Tinkles ]
329
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,049
And it will be,
330
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,730
until you get back
in the saddle.
331
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,290
Thanks, Ms. Pillsbury.
332
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,931
Honestly, you're the only person
here who can always cheer me up.
333
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,283
- Mr. Schue's a lucky guy.
- He really is.
334
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,444
Oh, um, but don't just thank me.
335
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,569
You can pay me back by, um, helping
me pick a centerpiece arrangement?
336
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,170
Sure.
Yeah?
337
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,809
Option number one or...
option number two.
338
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,405
[ Exhales]
339
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:19,610
I'd go with the white one, because
blue is like the color of sad,
340
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,241
and white is the color
of pure, like you.
341
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,890
That's exactly what I thought.
342
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,691
I'm gonna mark this
off my list.
343
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,324
[School Bell Rings]
344
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,202
And I didn't even have to lay out a
line of cereal for you to find me.
345
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,770
I thought you
loved Brittany.
346
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,525
I can't believe you're making what's
going on with me and her about you.
347
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,331
You're naive to think
that this isnt' about me.
348
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,529
I broke up with Brittany.
This is just her revenge.
349
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,489
She could have dated anyone,
boy or girl.
350
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,450
But no. She chose you.
351
00:15:56,520 --> 00:16:00,650
The one person she knew would send
my brain straight to Lima Heights.
352
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,451
Okay, you know what? Brittany doesn't
understand revenge. Brittany is love.
353
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,490
Listen up, Lipsy Mcchapstick.
This is going to end.
354
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:10,485
Soon as Brittany realizes that you are the
most boring human being on the planet...
355
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,689
- and that your impressions suck.
- And then what?
356
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,650
You're- You're going to date her again?
Long distance?
357
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,882
It didn't work.
You said it yourself.
358
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,485
One step at a time.
359
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,325
First, I'm gonna cut off the
Sam-sized tumor on her heart,
360
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,880
and then we can begin
the long, slow process...
361
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,725
of cleaning the stink
of your mediocrity off of her.
362
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,411
I'm not letting her go
without a fight.
363
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,327
What do you think
we're here for?
364
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,926
To fight?
I'm not hitting a girl.
365
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,251
Who said anything
about hitting?
366
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:41,845
♪♪ [ Piano]
367
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,083
♪ Don't call her up ♪
368
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,800
♪ Anymore ♪
369
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:59,723
♪ 'Cause I don't want
to hear your voice ♪
370
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:06,367
♪ I don't want
to see your face ♪
371
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:12,368
♪ Answer her door;
372
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:18,288
♪ Make no mistake ♪
373
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:21,364
♪ She's mine ♪
374
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,483
♪ She only knows ♪
375
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:36,203
♪ How I feel ♪
376
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:45,563
♪ I only know
what she's like ♪
377
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,961
[Together]
♪ When she needs me ♪
378
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:55,925
♪ Oh, how she needs me ♪
379
00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:03,000
♪ Deep in the night;
380
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,642
♪ Make no mistake ♪
381
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:11,566
♪ She's mine ♪
382
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,604
[ Sam ] ♪ She's mine
♪ ♪ She's mine ♪
383
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,843
♪ She's mine ♪
384
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,802
♪ Don't call her up ♪
385
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:34,285
[ Together]
.1' Anymore ♪♪
386
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,322
This isn't over. Look, I
know you're still into her.
387
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,609
You can't sing like that about
somebody you don't love.
388
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,923
But she's with me now, and you know
that's the best thing for her.
389
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,161
Just let it go.
390
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,445
Never.
391
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,924
[School Bell Rings]
392
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,490
[ Tina Narrating]
In honor of Diva Week,
393
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,369
let's just cut the crap
and keep it real.
394
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,807
Tina Cohen-Chang
deserves better.
395
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,724
I got upstaged yet again
by Santana.
396
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,643
She doesn't even
go to school here.
397
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:09,805
Look at hi/77- He is //ke a precious
Tiger Beat .5'/7/"inky Dink,
398
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,929
with his dark Pound Puppy
eyes and his-
399
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,322
What am I doing?
Mike would totally laugh.
400
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,448
I should call Mike.
401
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,443
No. I shouldn't.
402
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,171
Divas don't call
ex-boyfriends, Tina.
403
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,766
Stop being afraid
of going after what you want.
404
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,365
Hey, Bling-Bling.
405
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,363
Feeling better? Hey, X-Tina.
No, I am not.
406
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,845
It's worse.
407
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,969
My whole head feels like it's
a shrink-wrapped fist of ham.
408
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,565
Here, I got you this.
409
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,041
It's VapoRub.
My nana swears by it.
410
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,202
Oh, thanks, lady.
411
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,647
[ Chuckles ]
You're so sweet.
412
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,283
What? What'd I say? I
don't want to be sweet.
413
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:52,364
I want to be the girl that kicks
in the door and makes demands...
414
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,249
and gets what she wants.
415
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,290
But let's be honest. No one
thinks “diva” and pictures me.
416
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,010
What are you
talking about?
417
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,048
There are tons of
badass Asian divas.
418
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:04,249
Look at Lucy Liu,
Bai Ling, B.D. Wong.
419
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,482
[ Sniffles ] Okay. [ Coughs ]
420
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,649
You're coming to my house after school tonight,
and we're gonna find you the right song.
421
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,724
We're gonna bring out your
inner diva if it kills me.
422
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,644
Aw, Blainey Days.
423
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,689
♪♪ [ Soft Ballad On Radio ]
424
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,247
[ Coughs ]
425
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,130
Have you ever
been with a girl?
426
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,283
No. Perfect gold star gay.
427
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,370
Except for that one time where I kissed
Rachel Berry. That doesn't count.
428
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,444
Well, it's not like I don't like girls.
I love them.
429
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,045
They're very kind
and sensitive,
430
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:41,929
and their bodies
are beautiful.
431
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,162
Thank you. You know, on
behalf of girls everywhere.
432
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:48,529
But loving them that way,
it's not who I am.
433
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,041
We're young. We still have
time to find ourselves.
434
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,485
Exactly.
435
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,130
Which is why,
Ms. Tina Cohen-Chang,
436
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,441
you are about to find
your inner diva.
437
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,648
I took the liberty of
making a little playlist...
438
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,609
of some of the classic diva
songs for you to go through.
439
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,160
But you should open the laptop. I
don't want to give you my germs.
440
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:07,925
Wow.
441
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,571
I can't believe you went
old-school diva.
442
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,371
Cher, Aretha, Madonna.
443
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,965
Do you really think
I can pull this off?
444
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,530
I don't even know
what I would wear.
445
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,762
Are you kidding me?
You would kill it.
446
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,928
I was thinking
that we could use...
447
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,526
one of those dresses
from sectionals.
448
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:28,447
I'm sorry, that-that cold
medicine is really very strong.
449
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,324
Why don't you lie down?
Okay.
450
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,209
That's a good idea.
451
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,927
[ Sighs ]
452
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,646
You know, I've been reading
a lot about divas.
453
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,210
Mm-hmm.
454
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:48,008
And the biggest thing is that
they're brutally honest.
455
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:53,803
And if I'm...
going to be a diva, then...
456
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,326
I have to be honest too.
457
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,801
Totally.
458
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:02,049
Blaine,
459
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,088
I'm falling in love
with you.
460
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,162
And I realize that this-
461
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:13,928
It could be a tragic,
one-way thing.
462
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,800
But even if we end up...
463
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:21,521
having just...
a sexless relationship,
464
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,046
which many Asian girls
and gay men do-
465
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,690
[Laughs]
466
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,206
It'd be worth it.
467
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,083
So please say something here
before I die.
468
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:34,844
[Laughs]
469
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:36,801
Blaine?
470
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,165
[ Snoring Softly]
471
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,603
[ Sniffles ]
472
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,490
Right over there.
473
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,962
Guys, gather some chairs up!
Make a semicircle.
474
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,247
Let's go!
We have five minutes.
475
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:01,605
Welcome to Midnight Madness.
We all know the rules.
476
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,570
One song at a time,
two singers per song.
477
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,405
If you go flat,
youlose.
478
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,131
Now, the playing space
has been split into two,
479
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,487
one side per competitor.
480
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,450
After the song,
I will give you the signal,
481
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,409
and you stand with
whoever you think won.
482
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,130
Majority rules.
483
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,362
The group's decision
is final.
484
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,724
No appeal, no mercy,
and only silent applause.
485
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,963
This is not a performance.
486
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,565
This is a blood sport.
487
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,565
First up,
Rachel Berry versus Kurt Hummel.
488
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,323
Now, the song
you will be competing with...
489
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,129
is “Bring Him Home,”
from Les Mis.
490
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,163
You guys know it?
Mm-hmm.
491
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,129
Per Midnight Madness
protocol,
492
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,965
since Kurt challenged Rachel,
493
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:55,963
he will be going first.
494
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:18,010
♪ God on high ♪
495
00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:25,083
♪ Hear my prayer ♪
496
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:32,490
♪ In my need ♪
497
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:39,842
♪ You have always been there ♪
498
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:46,769
♪ He is young ♪
499
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:52,927
♪ He's afraid ♪
500
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:58,927
♪ Let him rest;
501
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:06,807
♪ Heaven blessed ♪
502
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:12,480
♪ Bring him home;
503
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:33,009
♪ He's like the son
I might have known ♪
504
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:39,286
♪ If God had granted me a son ♪
505
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:41,169
♪ The summers ♪
506
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,288
♪ Die;
507
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:46,204
♪ One by one ♪
508
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,966
♪ How soon they fly ♪
509
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,089
♪ On and on;
510
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:57,210
♪ And I am old;
511
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:01,080
♪ And will be gone ♪
512
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:09,884
♪ You can take ♪
513
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:17,811
♪ You can give ♪
514
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:22,727
♪ Let him live;
515
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:29,570
♪ Let him live;
516
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:37,161
♪ Ifl die)
517
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:44,727
♪ Let me die ♪
518
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:51,283
♪ Let him live;
519
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:55,604
♪ Bring him home;
520
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:05,609
♪ Bring him home;
521
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:10,527
♪ Bring him ♪
522
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:18,963
♪ Home ' ♪
523
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,730
That was good.
Thank you.
524
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,280
Okay, make
your choice.
525
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:35,808
[ Exhales]
526
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:43,410
All right.
527
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:49,123
And the winner by the closest margin
in Midnight Madness history...
528
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:50,440
is Mr. Kurt Hummel.
529
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,329
[ Chuckles ]
530
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:55,484
[ Chuckles ]
531
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,007
[ School Bell Rings ] What is
with you Glee Club expats?
532
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,562
Don't any of you have jobs? You have
to have some source of income...
533
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,728
so you can pay
the staff of scientists...
534
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,610
who service your teleporters
that you all clearly own,
535
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,808
since you're constantly
showing up here.
536
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,962
I have a light schedule
this semester.
537
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,362
Do you not remember who got you
that scholarship to Louisville?
538
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,161
Your coach is sending me weekly reports,
and you dropped out a month ago.
539
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:26,284
I'm sorry. I hated it there. Everyone
thought that I was being a bitch,
540
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,886
when all I was doing was being
brutally honest with people.
541
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,606
- Look, please don't tell my mom.
- Oh, I can't. I don't speak Spanish.
542
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,286
Let's face facts.
I need an heir apparent.
543
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,283
And I need someone
as mean as I am.
544
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,328
Wait. So,
are you offering me a job?
545
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,370
Finn Hudson took over the Glee Club.
Why can't you take over my Cheerios?
546
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:45,041
Besides, you've always been my favorite.
This is an amazing offer.
547
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,202
And with the money that my
mom gave me for New York,
548
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,647
I could buy a McMansion
in Lima Heights.
549
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,449
And plus,
I'd be close to Brittany.
550
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,449
Why don't you let me know
by the end of the week?
551
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,927
I have Paula Abdul coming in
to interview as a backup,
552
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,810
and whenever I cancel too late with
her, she tends to hit the pills.
553
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,201
[ School Bell Ringing ]
554
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,961
[ Muffled ] It was amazing.
Next thing I knew-
555
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,327
[ Continues, Distorted ]
556
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,243
He's a good dancer.
557
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,608
Amazing. Tay Tay, I was just telling
Artie how awesome I thought-
558
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,166
Would you excuse us, please, Artie?
But, uh-
559
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,641
Oh.
560
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:20,764
Is everything okay?
561
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,884
Oh, that chicken soup you made me-
It was magic. I feel great today.
562
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,281
You want to know why? Because of me.
Because I took care of you.
563
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:28,169
Oh, and I guess
I used most of this.
564
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,322
I don't know how that happened,
but it's all gone. Sorry.
565
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:31,686
[ Exhales]
566
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,167
Wait. Are you mad?
Look,
567
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,686
I give you all
of my heart, gladly!
568
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:40,128
And I love hanging out
with you, Blaine. llove-
569
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,521
It's sad, because
you don't see...
570
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,011
that it's me that
gives you that support.
571
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,521
Why are you acting so pissed off?
Because I get it now.
572
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,443
A diva doesn't settle for
less than what she wants,
573
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,045
and she won't apologize
for wanting it.
574
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,084
And I can't get that here, so next
time, don't come crawling back to me.
575
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:54,491
I'm all out of soup!
576
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,848
That seems a little...
crazy.
577
00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,849
No.
578
00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:03,009
That seems a little
Tina Cohen-Chang. Respect.
579
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,801
♪ Time goes by so slowly;
580
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:11,880
♪ Time goes by
so slowly ♪
581
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:22,444
♪ Time goes by so slowly;
582
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,807
♪♪ [ Instrumental ]
583
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:33,527
♪ Every little thing
that you say or do ♪
584
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:37,161
♪ I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you ♪
585
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,722
♪ Waiting for your call, baby,
night and day;
586
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:42,211
♪ I'm fed up;
587
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,045
♪ I'm tired of waiting on you ♪
588
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:50,331
♪ Time goes by so slowly
for those who wait ♪
589
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,846
♪ No time to hesitate ♪
590
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,208
♪ Those who run
seem to have all the fun ♪
591
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:57,770
♪ I'm caught up;
592
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,411
♪ I don't know what to do ♪
593
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:03,649
♪ Every little thing
that you say or do ♪
594
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:08,089
♪ I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you ♪
595
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:11,448
♪ Waiting for your call, baby,
night and day;
596
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,409
♪ I'm fed up;
597
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,687
♪ I'm tired of waiting on you ♪
598
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:19,367
♪ Ring, ring, ring
goes the telephone ♪
599
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:23,604
♪ The lights are on,
but there's no one home ♪
600
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:27,127
♪ Tick, ticktock
It's a quarter to 2:00 ♪
601
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:28,725
♪ And I'm done ♪
602
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,889
♪ I'm hanging up on you ♪
603
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:38,206
♪ I can't keep on
waiting for you ♪
604
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:45,407
♪ I know that
you're still hesitating ♪
605
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,851
♪ Don't cry for me ♪
606
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:54,926
♪ 'Cause I'll find my way;
607
00:32:55,000 --> 00:33:00,450
- ♪ You'll wake up one day;
- Ooh!
608
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,045
♪ But it'll be too late ♪
609
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:05,408
♪ Every little thing
that you say or do ♪
610
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:09,326
♪ I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you ♪
611
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,847
♪ Waiting for your call, baby,
night and day;
612
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,888
♪ I'm fed up;
613
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:16,564
♪ I'm tired
of waiting on you ♪
614
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,489
♪ I'm tired of waiting on you ♪
615
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,331
♪ I'm hung up on you J' ♪
616
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:22,845
Wh-
Tina.
617
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:23,921
[ Finn ]
Tina.
618
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,047
[ Emma ] Wow. [ Finn ] Wow.
619
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,327
- [ Cheering, Whooping ]
- I can't even-
620
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,125
- That was the most-
- Don't even worry about it.
621
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:33,489
[Finn Laughs]
Okay.
622
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,449
Feel that fire. [ Emma
] She just did that.
623
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,921
I've been singing the Les /I///is
score since I was in second grade.
624
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,525
Literally the entire score.
625
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,489
It was just dumb luck
that was the song chosen.
626
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:42,846
I know you feel conflicted
about winning,
627
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,570
but you won because
you're an incredible singer.
628
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:48,611
Oh, my God, Kurt. Everyone's buzzing
about your triumph at Midnight Madness.
629
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,523
Not since Judy played
the Palace, they're saying.
630
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,001
A bunch of us are signing up
for the Funny Girl open call,
631
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:54,525
then getting rush tickets
to see /I//amma /I///'a./
632
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,763
- You have to come with.
- I don't think so.
633
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:00,047
I think you both
are shallow and obnoxious.
634
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,202
The only reason why you run
around kissing everyone's ass...
635
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:04,009
is because you know you'll
never make it on your own.
636
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:07,527
And another thing, if you say one
more nasty thing about Adam's Apples,
637
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,967
I will challenge you to
the next Midnight Madness,
638
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,008
and we all know
how that ends.
639
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:15,121
[ Chuckles ]
640
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,603
That's very impressive.
641
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,605
Um, give me a second.
642
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,570
Hey, Rachel,
I don't know if you heard,
643
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,768
but apparently the revival of Funny
Girl is having open auditions.
644
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,486
Do you want to go with me?
You should try out, Kurt.
645
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,370
You'd be an amazing
Fanny Brice.
646
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:38,203
[ Sighs ]
647
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,602
[ School Bell Rings ] Winning dinner for
two at the Red Rooster Express Suites-
648
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:48,129
[ Finn ] The First Annual William
McKinley High School Diva Award goes to-
649
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,202
lf it's Santana,
I swear-
650
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:54,923
[ Together]
Tina Cohen-Chang!
651
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,447
- Tina!
- [ Cheering, Whooping ]
652
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,363
[Cheering Continues]
653
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,682
She never wins anything.
654
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,684
Yay!
655
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,444
[Cheering Continues]
Tina!
656
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:11,682
[ Scattered ] Tina! Tina!
657
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,923
[Whooping, Cheering ]
658
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:16,650
[ School Bell Ringing ]
659
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,610
[ Blaine Clears Throat]
660
00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:23,247
Uh, no diva performance
is complete without flowers.
661
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,085
Oh, how sweet.
Literally.
662
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,049
Well, no one deserved to win
this week more than you.
663
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,248
I've been waiting for people to
finally see the epic diva...
664
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,761
that is Ms. Tina Cohen-Chang.
[ Chuckles Softly ]
665
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,488
I also owe you an apology.
666
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:38,483
I'm sorry if I've been
ungrateful this week.
667
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:40,449
The truth is, I wouldn't have
survived it without you.
668
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:44,127
That little cold-buster kit you made
me, it not only annihilated my cold,
669
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,204
but it made me realize
that you are...
670
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,521
the most important person to me
at this school right now.
671
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:55,130
And I haven't felt this close
to anyone in a long time.
672
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,090
You have no idea how long I've
waited to hear you say that.
673
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,402
I have a proposition
for you.
674
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:04,450
Will you be my date to
Mr. Schue's wedding next week?
675
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:07,603
Yes. [Laughs] Of course.
676
00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:12,129
[ School Bell Ringing ]
677
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:16,684
Shivah is officially over.
678
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:19,411
You have an audition for Funny
Girl three weeks from today.
679
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,563
I went down to the open call
and got us the last slots.
680
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:26,122
- I'm not trying out.
- Why? Because I won Midnight Madness?
681
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,248
Rachel, that doesn't mean anything.
It just means that we're even.
682
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:31,005
You won with an Elphaba song,
I won with a Jean Valjean song.
683
00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:33,845
None of which changes the fact that
Funny Girl is your favorite musical...
684
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,201
and that you were born
to play Fanny Brice.
685
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,850
This is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.
686
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:41,083
But let's say by some crazy
extraordinary chance I get it.
687
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:44,801
Then what? I become even more of a
diva nightmare than I already am now?
688
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:46,848
I can't handle the
pressures of stardom,
689
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,924
not without losing my best friend and
making every single person hate me.
690
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,447
So, I'm not gonna
try out.
691
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:55,682
You are a diva,
692
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:57,649
and you have been a nightmare.
693
00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:00,291
But you're not a diva because
you've been a nightmare.
694
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,727
You're a diva because
you're talented and ambitious...
695
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:06,441
and because no one else in the world
can do what you, Rachel Berry, can do.
696
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,524
That's what being a diva's all about-
Being an original, one-of-a-kind.
697
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,888
So hold the nightmare,
but bring the diva.
698
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,766
You don't need any of that.
Your work speaks for itself.
699
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,370
I love you.
700
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:23,126
I'm sorry.
I hate fighting with you.
701
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,123
Eh, a little catfight
is good for friends.
702
00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:27,766
You know, keeps the
relationship fresh. [Sighs]
703
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:29,330
[ School Bell Ringing ]
704
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,570
I thought we already
checked this box.
705
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,247
Will said the white centerpiece
arrangements we picked were fine.
706
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,049
Which means
he doesn't like them.
707
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:42,408
And he'd like to veto them,
but he's just being polite.
708
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,211
Um, “fine” doesn't mean that he
didn't like the centerpieces.
709
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,601
I need things to be
more than fine.
710
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,284
Okay? I-I need them
to be perfect.
711
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:51,442
They have to be perfect,
and I need them to be perfect.
712
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,204
Look, I think you're just
putting too much into this.
713
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,965
No, I'm not, because the last
time, with Carl, I let go.
714
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,441
I did that already, you know? I
said that details wouldn't matter.
715
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:00,602
That my-my O.C.D.
wouldn't get in the way,
716
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,170
that whatever would happen
would happen,
717
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:05,244
and that marriage was completely
ruined before it even began!
718
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,807
Maybe Carl just wasn't the right guy.
This isn't right.
719
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,009
I can't do this. I can't do this.
I can't get married again.
720
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,084
- I can't do it again if it's not right.
- Ms. Pillsbury, please.
721
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,527
What about the color white? What
if Will hates the color white?
722
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,568
Then he's gonna
hate my dress!
723
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:21,369
Of course he's not going
to hate your dress, okay?
724
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:24,011
What about the cake?
[ Stammering, Indistinct]
725
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,560
Okay, we make a great team. We
can figure this out together.
726
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:28,887
[Whimpering ]
Emma, stop. Stop. Stop.
727
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:41,088
[ Ragged Breathing ]
[School Bell Rings]
728
00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:45,685
♪♪ [Gentle Piano]
729
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,565
I knew you'd come
around eventually.
730
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,251
I mean, Sam's most
redeeming quality...
731
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:55,006
is that he can bore you to sleep and then
you can use his lips as ginormous pillows.
732
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:58,687
I'm not breaking up with Sam.
I really like him.
733
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:00,205
And he makes me feel
really smart...
734
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,362
and think about things,
like where air comes from,
735
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,886
and how come in every movie
aboutdesus, he dies at the end.
736
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:06,883
Well, look, I'm not expecting
you to start dating me again,
737
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,281
and... I'm taken.
738
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:13,806
I just want you
to aim higher.
739
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,123
I know that
you're not dating Elaine.
740
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:19,611
She told me
that you paid her...
741
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,523
with scratchers tickets
and an Ani DiFranco T-shirt...
742
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,250
to pretend
to be your girlfriend.
743
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,368
And I also know that you
dropped out of school.
744
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,602
Well, I'm moving on up.
745
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:30,524
Sue offered me a job to train to take
over the Cheerios after she dies.
746
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,843
You can't do that. Why? It's not
like I'd have to wait that long.
747
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,605
I'm totally going to ricin her
protein shakes in a couple years.
748
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:39,411
I think you need to be somewhere
that's as big and as hot as you are.
749
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,363
It's okay to follow
your dreams.
750
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,563
No, Brittany, you-
you have no idea...
751
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,130
what it's like out there
in the real world.
752
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:47,725
No one gives
a damn about you.
753
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:52,044
Rachel found a new guy.
And I hear Kurt did too.
754
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,970
Why shouldn't you get the chance to
be around people who are like you,
755
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:56,411
who appreciate you?
756
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,130
Be a part
of a community?
757
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,123
Why can't you have
a real girlfriend?
758
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,202
But not a best friend 'cause
that part's already taken.
759
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:03,486
[ Chuckles ]
760
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,083
You really are a genius,
Brittany.
761
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:14,083
Well, duh.
762
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,128
And you're my best friend.
763
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:24,646
Sam and I are going to Breadstix
tonight to pretend to be British.
764
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,969
Do you want to come?
No, thanks.
765
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:31,408
I think I'm going to hang
around here a minute more.
766
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,963
♪♪ [ Organ: Rock Ballad Intro]
767
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:49,049
♪ She's just a girl
and she's on fire ♪
768
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,125
♪ Hotter than a fantasy;
769
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,202
♪ Lonely like a highway;
770
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:59,569
♪ She's living in a world
and it's on fire ♪
771
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,162
♪ Filled with catastrophe ♪
772
00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:05,447
♪ But she knows
she can fly away ♪
773
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,364
♪ Oh, oh;
774
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,886
♪ She got both feet
on the ground ♪
775
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,328
♪ And she's burning it down ♪
776
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:18,689
♪ Oh, oh;
777
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,525
♪ She got her head
in the clouds ♪
778
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:26,686
♪ And she's not backing down ♪
779
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:31,243
♪ This girl is on fire ♪
780
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:36,450
♪ This girl is on fire ♪
781
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:42,247
♪ She's walking on fire ♪
782
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:46,882
♪ This girl is on fire ♪
783
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:49,400
J 0/7.»
784
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,484
♪ Everybody stands
as she goes by;
785
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:54,847
♪ 'Cause they can see the flame
that's in her eyes ♪
786
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,571
♪ Watch her as
she's lighting up the night;
787
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,883
♪ Nobody knows
that she's a lonely girl ♪
788
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,930
♪ And it's a lonely world ♪
789
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,726
♪ But she gonna let it burn,
baby, burn, baby;
790
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:13,449
♪ This girl is on fire ♪
♪ Fire, fire,/'
791
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:17,804
♪ This girl is on fire ♪
♪ Fire,/'
792
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:23,603
♪ She's walking on fire ♪
♪ Fire, fire ,/'
793
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:28,641
♪ This girl is on fire ♪
794
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:33,684
♪ Oh, oh;
795
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:39,242
:Oh.r
796
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:44,247
♪ Oh, oh;
797
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:52,489
:Oh.r
798
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:59,486
♪ She's just a girl
and she's on fire ♪♪
799
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:02,728
[ Knocking ]
800
00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:09,720
Santana.
What are you doing here?
801
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:15,681
Moving in.
802
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,243
♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]
803
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:31,247
♪♪ [ Harmonic Vocalizingj
804
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:49,848
♪ ./' [ Ends ]