Here's what you missed.
I needed you around, and you weren't there.
Blaine cheated on Kurt, and they broke up. Rachel and Finn broke up too.
- Finn has no idea what' he wants to do with h/Zs I/Te- - We're done.
Jake has his eye on Marley,
- which MTIyis really not' happy about'. - [ Grunts ]
And Emma's not sure she wants to leave McKinley to go to Washington with Will.
Ana' that's what you missed on Glee.
[ Power Tools Whirring ]
Why do I always feel so at home in a tire shop?
- That was a joke. - What do you want? Got a lot of work to do.
I wanted to check in on you. You've had a rough couple of months,
and I thought maybe you could use a friend. It's not that bad.
I just embarrassed myself out of the army, lost Rachel completely,
and now I'm back in my hometown working in a tire shop.
Figure maybe my luck will change soon,
and one of the lifts will break, and I'll get crushed by a car.
I'm sorry, Artie. I appreciate what you're doing. You're a great friend.
I'm just sitting back and looking at the next 6O years of my life.
It just sort of makes me want to puke. But it is what it is.
Do you remember what I said when I dedicated that song to you last year?
That you were my friend, my hero.
I'm not gonna let you bury yourself in self-pity, Finn. You're better than that.
You know, I've heard that a lot all my life, Artie. That I'm better than I think I am.
Well, look around.
- Maybe I'm not. - You just lost your confidence because you forgot your place.
You're a creative person. You need to find an artistic outlet.
Come codirect a musical with me. Grease was your idea.
I don't know how to direct a musical, Artie.
Directing is about having an idea and convincing everyone around you to make it happen.
I don't think so.
Fine. Then I'm not doing it either, which means there is no musical.
You can't do that, man. Hold the musical hostage? That's like terrorism.
Basically, Olivia Newton-John is strapped to my chest,
and unless you codirect with me, I'm gonna blow her up.
I'm serious, Finn. Trust me, as your friend, you need to do this.
So you can look at the first month of the next 6O years of your life and not want to puke.
Auditions are tomorrow.
[School Bell Rings]
As president and vice president, we can pretty much decree whichever parts we want, right?
I'm not sure I'm gonna do the musical this year.
I'm not in the right head space to do a project like Grease.
Since Kurt and I broke up, I haven't slept, I've lost my appetite.
I don't even gel on weekends. This is pretty serious then.
Sam, Kurt was my soul mate.
We talked about spending the rest of our lives together.
About retiring in Provinoetown and buying a lighthouse and starting an artists' colony.
And now he won't even return my calls. He won't text me.
And that Gilmore Girls box set I sent him was returned to me, unopened.
He's gone. Maybe forever.
Dude, I get it. Except for the lighthouse part.
But look, everybody's been there. You'll get through it.
♪ Guess mine is not the first ♪
♪ Heart broken ♪
♪ My eyes are not the 'first to cry ♪
♪ I'm not the first to know;
♪ There's just no getting over you ♪
♪ I know I'm just a fool;
♪ Who's willing ♪
♪ To s“ around ♪
♪ And wait for you ♪
♪ But, baby, cam you see ♪
♪ There's nothing else for me ♪
'FY0603
♪ I'm hopelessly devoted to you ♪
♪ But now A'
♪ There's nowhere to hide ♪
♪ Since you pushed my love aside ♪
♪ I'm out of my head ♪
♪ Hopelessly devoted to you ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Hopelessly devoted ♪
♪ TO YOU
♪ My head is saying ♪
♪ Fool, forget him ♪
♪ My heart is saying ♪
♪ Don't let go ♪
♪ Hold on to the end ♪
♪ That's what I intend to do ♪
♪ I'm hopelessly devoted to you ♪
♪ But now A'
♪ There's nowhere to hide ♪
♪ Since you pushed my love aside ♪
♪ I'm out of my head ♪
♪ Hopelessly devoted ♪
♪ TO YOU
♪ Hopelessly devoted ♪
♪ TO YOU
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Hopelessly devoted ♪
♪ TO YOU
♪ Ooh N'
[ (flapping ]
Say something. Like what?
I think I speak for both of us when I say that...
though you auditioned with a Sandy song,
you are the Danny Zuko of our dreams.
- Right? - Yeah, yeah. Totally. You were awesome.
- Amazing. - I can't. I'm-
I'm sorry, I just can't, Finn. I didn't want to let you down, but Grease is a romance,
and how can I play any of the scenes if I have ruined mine?
I don't think I would be able to play the truth of Danny Zuko.
Thank you for letting me audition, but I-l just can't.
But wait.
Is there any part you think you could play?
I don't think so. Maybe- Maybe Teen Angel.
It's only one scene, but probably not.
Wow. I've never seen Blaine so... Masterpiece Theatre.
Look, sorry, man. I know you're just trying to help, but this is a bad idea.
[School Bell Rings]
Finn, hold up.
What was a bad idea? Me directing.
I'm not qualified for any of this, Artie.
You have to trust your instincts.
But also, part of being a good director...
is surrounding yourself with the right people.
The right choreographer and the right vocal coach, right?
It is. Just trust me.
So I called in some favors,
and the cavalry has just arrived.
[ Chuckling ]
[ Mike ] What's up, man?
[ Finn ] How you doin'? [ Mike] Good.
[School Bell Rings] Oh, man.
School arts programs are going the way of the dinosaur.
Even the basics like choir and band are disappearing.
No one is disputing that. All I'm saying is if I go with Will to Washington-
Our relationship will only grow!
This is not just a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me, but for both of us.
And I feel that Emma is dismissing it.
And I feel like Will just assumes I'm gonna happily drop everything,
play the part of the dutiful 1950s housewife,
even though we're not even married yet-
- She's made this analogy several times. - And that my job and my life...
and my dreams are somehow secondary to that.
I'm sorry, but am I wrong for feeling that way?
Punkins, Bear Bryant once said, “Feelings aren't right or wrong. They just are.”
My relationship with Cooter- it was more sour than Brian Urlacher's compression shorts.
But that doesn't mean true-blue sweeties like yourselves...
aren't gonna have a flag on the play.
Take a time-out. Call an audible.
It's all about knowing when to pass and when to punt.
That's very insightful, but- Shannon's right.
Time-out, time-out. Emma, I made a mistake when I first talked to you about this.
So let me just rewind and start from scratch.
Oh, don't look like that, Emma.
Emma, Emma- I love you with every fiber of my being.
And no matter where we go or what we do,
I want us to always be together.
This time, it's Washington. And next time, it can be anywhere you want to go.
So, I'm asking my partner- my equal partner-
to join me.
Would you consider it?
I'll go.
You- You sure?
[ Emma sighs ]
[ Chuckles ] [ School Bell Rings ]
We have plenty of girls auditioning for Sandy,
but we're gonna have a serious Danny Zuko problem if Blaine can't do it.
What are the other options? Uh, how about Sam?
He's got his heart set on Kenickie.
Uh, “Greased Lightning” is my cell phone ringtone,
and I've been knocked out by a car door before,
so I was really looking forward to re-creating the reality of that moment onstage.
- Joe Hart? - Won't cut his dreads.
I look like Erykah Badu.
- Wait. What about Puck's brother? Can't he sing? - Not interested.
Why is it that we can't find one dude to play the lead in the school play?
There aren't a lot of dudes like you.
Even Mr. Schue had that problem when he first started Glee Club.
That's why he went looking for you.
[School Bell Rings]
[Whistle Blows]
Get 'em up! Get your knees up! Let's go!
- Hey, Coach. - Finn.
There's no prize for running the slowest!
Come on!
Good-looking bunch of recruits this year. Idiots on patrol.
But I'll knock 'em into shape. Heck, I coached you to a state championship.
I'm kidding. You're one of a kind.
I just wish you still believed that.
Thanks, Coach.
It's just kind of hard to feel that way about myself right now.
Give it time. You're going through the biggest change of your life.
Guys like you always find their way.
You figure you got any guys like that out here today?
Searching for some recruits of my own.
Need a male lead for the musical.
[ Chuckles ]
What's his story?
[ Beiste] Ryder Lynn, sophomore.
I think he flunked out of his old school, so they transferred him here.
Sweet enough kid, but he's a loner and can't learn a play for his life,
and if you ask me, I say he's got a lazy streak.
Moves good though.
You want to know the thing about you that makes you special?
It's not the singing or the dancing or the way you threw the ball.
It's that you could move people.
Figure that Ryder kid's got anything like that in him?
Mmm, maybe.
If he had the right guy showing him the way.
Are you kidding me? Huddle up!
Get over there!
[School Bell Rings]
- Hey, this is the girls' bathroom. - I sit when I pee.
How psyched are you for Grease auditions?
I want Sandy... so bad.
- I'm not auditioning. - What? Why not?
You know you'd get a part. I don't want a part. I want the part- Rizzo.
No offense, Sandra Dee, but Rizzo's the money role of that show.
A hot bitch who thinks she's pregnant and turns out to have a heart of gold.
It's basically my life story. But they won't give me the role.
Everyone sees me in drag as a joke or a stunt when we're performing.
But it would feel as weird for me to play Danny Zuko as it would for you.
Artie and those guys know that.
Just tell them you want to audition for Rizzo,
and I'm sure they'll give you a chance.
[ Toilet Flushing ] You know, the casual eavesdropper,
hearing the feminine lilt of your voices,
would just assume you're a couple of regular gals yappin' away in the crapper.
But then the unmistakable scent of talcum powder...
and day-old panty hose tells a different story.
Well, well, well, if it isn't McKinley High's very own Tina Stomach-Turner...
and her trusty sidekick-
I'm trying to think of a mean nickname for you, and I'm blanking.
But you, Urethra Franklin, you are a boy, and you are fooling no one.
You are smuggling more kielbasa under those gowns...
than a homesick Polish lady trying to sneak through customs.
You can't say things like that.
Oh, I think you'll find I can say anything I want,
absolutely stunning, kind-faced, blue-eyed girl.
Now, I know full well that gender confusion...
is the liberal media's new darling,
bored with drowning the nation's airwaves...
with tinny sitcoms so gay that you have to stretch a dental dam over your television set...
in order to watch them safely.
The Hollywood communists are busy force-feeding us drag-queen reality shows...
and soft profiles of gender-confused, hormone-gobbling preteens,
who faint at the sight of their own genitals.
There's no way in hell you're gonna play Rizzo.
I will not allow you to unleash a teenage maelstrom...
of gender-bent sexual confusion at this school,
so you can turn it around and make it a launch party...
for your very own line of male girdles...
and brand-new fragrance called “Nut Whiff.”
We don't care what you say.
We're both auditioning for that musical.
♪ White knuckles ♪
♪ And sweaty palms from ♪
♪ Hanging on too tight;
♪ Clench of jaw;
♪ We got another ♪
♪ Headache again tonight ♪
♪ Eyes on fire Eyes on fire ♪
♪ And the burn from all the tears ♪
♪ I've been crying I've been crying ♪
♪ I've been dying over you ♪
♪ 'He a knot 'm the rope ♪
♪ Trying to hold Trying to hold ♪
♪ But there's nothing to grab ♪
_l~Solletg0 ♪
♪ I think I've finally had enough ♪
♪ I think I maybe think too much ♪
♪ I think this might be it for us ♪
♪ Blow me one last kiss ♪
♪ You think I'm just too serious ♪
♪ I think you're full of it ♪
♪ My head is spinning So blow me one last kiss ♪
♪ Just when it can't get worse ♪
♪ We had a bad day ♪
♪ You've had a bad day;
♪ We've had a bad day;
♪ I think that life's too short for this ♪
♪ Want back my ignorance and bliss ♪
♪ I think I've had enough of this ♪
♪ Blow me one last kiss ♪
♪ Da, da, da-da, da ♪
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ Blow me one last kiss ♪
♪ I will do what I please ♪
♪ Anything that I want ♪
♪ I will breathe I will breathe ♪
♪ I won't worry at all ♪
♪ You will pay for your sins ♪
♪ You'll be sorry, my dear ♪
♪ All the lies All the lies ♪
- ♪ Will be crystal clear; - ♪ Ah, ah ♪
♪ I think I've finally had enough ♪
♪ I think I maybe think too much ♪
♪ I think this might be it for us ♪
♪ Blow me one last kiss ♪
♪ You think I'm just too serious ♪
♪ I think you're full of it ♪
♪ My head is spinning so ♪
♪ Blow me one last kiss ♪
♪ La-la, la-la Da-da, da-da ♪
♪ Blow me one last kiss ♪
♪ Just when it can't get worse ♪
♪ We had a bad day ♪
♪ You've had a bad day;
♪ We've had a bad day;
♪ I think that life's too short for this ♪
♪ Want back my ignorance and bliss ♪
♪ I think I've had enough of this ♪
♪ Blow me one last kiss ♪♪
[ Cheering, Applause ] Yeah! Bravo!
That had more energy than the last three auditions combined.
Ladies, do you have any preference for the parts you want to play?
Sandy. Definitely Sandy.
What about you, Wade?
I would like to play the role of Rizzo.
[School Bell Rings]
[Girl ] I'll see you a lunch, okay? [ Girl #2 ] Okay.
[ Girl #3 ] She'll get mad at me.
[ Finn ] Hey, Mr. Clippengen
Uh, you got a phone call in the teachers' lounge.
Why didn't they call my cell?
Hey, what are you doing? Uh, studying.
In the study hall? I think you're the first. [ Chuckles ] Uh,
I've gotta work twice as hard as everyone else to do half as well.
I'm pulling a C-minus average since I got here,
and if I don't get it up to a
my parents are gonna make me quit football, so whatever it takes, you know?
I'm-I'm sorry. Who-Who are you again?
Uh, Finn's my name. I graduated last year.
Played football too. Quarterback.
Oh. Awesome. I also had a C-minus average in my sophomore year,
but I graduated with a B-plus.
Are you serious? How did you do that? Glee Club.
Learning the music and the choreography, it just opened up my brain somehow.
I'm not joining the Glee Club. I mean, I hear it's fun,
but I've got too much on my plate already.
Start slow then. Come try out for the musical.
Who knows? Maybe it could be like one of those gateway drugs.
- I don't sing. - Prove it.
Auditions are at 4:00 in the auditorium. See you then.
[School Bell Rings]
[ Sighs ] Another one?
I don't understand. All I do is study.
I haven't even seen Dark K n/Qgh! Rises yet. Oh, it was good.
Bane was a little hard to understand, but so evil.
A director's job is to make choices. You have to pick one.
L-I don't know anything about jukeboxes, Artie.
Well, that one is a Zodiac jukebox. This is a VVurlitzer Bubbler-
A knockoff, I'd imagine, because an original goes for around 40 grand-
and that one is a Seeburg- you may recognize it...
from the opening credits of Happy Days.
Oh! HappyDays is a show from the '50s,
and so is Grease, so we should use this one, right?
No, that's the exact one we shouldn't use. It's cliché.
I say we go with the Zodiac.
But we're gonna have to change the records in it. It's filled with classic rock from the '80s.
Hey.
Hey!
Auditions aren't till 4:00, but-
I just want to make sure I'm doing everything I can to make my grades,
and if I'm dumb, then so be it, but I want to be sure I didn't miss anything.
Great. So you want to audition then.
As long as I don't have to sing. [ Chuckles ]
You know, I, uh- I used to be just like you.
I didn't think that I could do it either, but then...
I just did n.
No thinking. I- I just started singing and-
it just started coming out of me and it felt awesome.
- Like a really good poop. - [Chuckles]
Bet you're a classic rock guy, right?
Follow my lead.
♪ Standing in the rain ♪
♪ With his head hung low;
♪ Couldn't get a ticket;
♪ It was a sold-out show;
♪ Heard the roar of the crowd ♪
♪ He could picture the scene ♪
♪ Put his ear to the wall ♪
♪ Then like a distant scream ♪
♪ He heard one guitar;
♪ Just blew him away;
♪ He saw stars in his eyes ♪
♪ And the very next day ♪
♪ Bought a beat-up six string ♪
♪ In a secondhand store ♪
♪ Didn't know how to play it;
♪ But he Knew for sure ♪
♪ That one guitar;
♪ Felt good in his hands ♪
♪ It didn't take long ♪
♪ To understand ♪
♪ So he started rockin' ♪
♪ Ain't never gonna stop ♪
♪ Gotta keep on rockin' ♪
♪ Someday he's gonna make it to the top ♪
♪ And be a jukebox hero ♪
♪ Got stars in his eyes ♪
♪ He's a jukebox hero ♪
♪ Yeah, jukebox hero ♪
- [ Screaming ] - ♪ Ch, Oh-oh ♪
♪ With that one guitar;
♪ He'll come alive ♪
♪ Come alive tonight;
[Audience Screaming, Cheering ]
♪ Yeah, he's gotta keep a-rockin' ♪
♪ He just can't stop ♪
♪ Gotta keep on rockin' ♪
♪ That boy has got to stay on top ♪
♪ He's gonna be a jukebox hero ♪
♪ Got stars in his eyes ♪
♪ Yeah, he's just a jukebox hero ♪
♪ Jukebox hero ♪
♪ He's got stars in his eyes ♪
♪ Stars ♪
♪ In his eyes ♪♪
[ Cheering, Fades ]
[ Panting ]
Man, that was awesome. So what do you think?
Should I audition?
Dude, you just did.
[ Chuckles ]
[School Bell Rings]
Hi. I'm Ryder Lynn.
I know. I saw you in the football game on Saturday.
Your end zone dances are awesome.
Ah. I'm Marley.
I know. I know. Uh, your mom rules.
She always sneaks me extra meatballs on spaghetti day.
Really? Uh-huh.
[ Both Laughing ] Wow, she must really like you.
Uh, Finn Hudson told me that you were probably gonna play Sandy in the school play.
I thought if we were gonna be working together, I should say hi.
I think they want me to play Danny.
What's that cologne you're wearing, “Jealousy By You”?
Uh, what am I jealous of?
Oh, just your girlfriend talking to the hottest guy at McKinley...
who also happens to be a star football player...
with yummy, old-school Justin Bieber hair.
She's not my girlfriend. And who wants Justin Bieber hair?
Half-black guys who can't grow it.
Sorry. But you had that coming since you broke up with me.
And nobody breaks up with me.
Which is why I've been telling people I dumped you because you have a gross third nipple.
Now if you'll excuse me.
Hey, Ryder. Hey, Mona.
It's Marley. Oh, right, Marley. Like the dead dog movie?
I heard you killed your Grease audition.
And I know you're excited about the prospect of playing Sandy because everyone knows...
poor people don't have many opportunities to actually enjoy anything,
which is why it's gonna be such a bummer when I take the part from you.
You're auditioning? I am.
By the way, Ryder, you should know about this one's gene pool.
She's only got a month or two before she starts ballooning...
to her natural weight of 5,000 pounds...
and starts writing her memoir- Fifty Shades of Gra vy.
Wow. You're kind of a bitch. What'd she ever do to you?
Besides trying to steal away my three-nippled ex-boyfriend?
You cast yourself as the poor, little simply “adork-able” nice girl.
But I know, and you know, and sweet baby Jesus in the manger knows...
what you really are- a scheming little kiss-ass.
I'm single, by the way.
Sign me up too.
I thought you were too cool for the school play.
Well, someone's got to keep you from killing Marley.
And keep Marley from fornicating Ryder.
I'm not as dumb as you look, Puckerman.
I have the perfect audition song for us.
Us?
JAhJ £AhJ
iAh ♪
[ Clears Throat]
♪ Hey, baby, won t you look my way? ♪
♪ I could be your new addiction ♪
♪ Hey, baby, Wm“ YOU gotta say'? ♪
♪ All you're giving me is fiction ♪
♪ I'm a sorry sucker And this happens all the time ♪
♪ I found out that everybody talks ♪
♪ Everybody talks Everybody talks ♪
♪ It started with a whisper;
♪ And that was when I kissed her;
♪ And then she made my lips hurt;
♪ I can hear the chitchat;
♪ Take me to your love shack ♪
♪ Mama's always gotta backtrack ♪
♪ When everybody talks back ♪
♪ Hey, honey, you could be my drug ♪
♪ You could be my new prescription ♪
♪ Too much can be an overdose ♪
- ♪ All this trash talk make me itchin' ♪ - [ Cheering ]
♪ Oh, my, my, dear;
♪ Everybody talks Everybody talks ♪
♪ Everybody talks too much ♪
♪ It started with a whisper;
♪ And that was when I kissed her;
♪ And then she made my lips hurt;
♪ I can hear the chitchat;
♪ Take me to your love shack ♪
♪ Mama's always gotta backtrack ♪
♪ When everybody talks back ♪
♪ Everybody talks Everybody talks ♪
♪ Everybody talks Everybody talks back ♪
- ♪ It started with a whisper; - ♪ Everybody talks Everybody talks ♪
♪ And that was when I kissed her;
♪ Everybody talks Everybody talks ♪
♪ Everybody talks Everybody talks back ♪
♪ UmJJ' [Mike] Oh!
[Cheering ]
Oh! Whoo!
[School Bell Rings]
Okay, we need to do that thing where we call people back.
What's that called? [ Both ] Callbacks.
I don't know. I feel like Kitty has the inside track on Sandy. Sandy can't be a brunette.
Oh, like Maria couldn't be black?
That was a year ago, Mercedes. Let it go.
Okay, so we call back all the Sandys and the Dannys. What about the rest?
Brittany for Cha Cha. She's the best dancer.
You know, Tina would make a great Jan.
It's too bad she won't audition...
because she refuses to be in the same room with Mike.
Okay, what about Rizzo?
Now, I know it's way outside of the box, but I like Unique for it.
- He wants it so badly. - He's the best singer too.
So, we cast a brunette as Sandy and a guy as Rizzo.
Who's directing this, Julie Taymor?
Think about how cool it would be to do something really different.
Though I don't agree with your choices, I appreciate your passion.
It's nice to have the old Finn back.
[ Sue ] Finn Hudson?
Principal Figgins's office now.
- Now, fatty! - [School Bell Rings]
The twin idiots seated before you...
are poised to cast the “she-male fabulous” Unique Adams...
as Rizzo in Grease-
the already overly sexualized minstrel show...
featuring teen pregnancy and the ridiculously unnecessary lubrication of lightning.
If they succeed, they will set a legal precedent...
that will clear the way for Unique to become a Cheerio...
in the very year that I am set to notch my 1 ,OOOth tournament victory...
and become the winningest coach in cheerleading history.
- Wait. When did Unique say he wanted to be a Cheerio? - Sue, I don't understand.
Unique Adams is nothing more than an attractive, buxom young woman...
who's got it going on in all the right places.
- She's a brick house, Sue! - Uh, Principal Figgins, Sue's right about that.
Unique is definitely a guy.
- VVhat? - I don't see what the big deal is.
If Unique identifies as a girl and dresses as a girl,
she should be allowed to play one onstage.
Cross-gendered casting is as old as theater itself.
In Shakespeare's time, all the female roles were played by men.
- There's no way that's true. - In the last few years,
McKinley's become the kind of place where all kinds of outcasts...
can feel free to follow their dreams.
I don't think that should change just because Coach Sylvester's a bigot.
You know, I'd think twice about calling someone a bigot...
who's had gay Cheerios, both male and female, on her squad...
and who resigned her post as principal in protest...
because this school wasn't doing enough to protect a gay student from being bullied!
But you do have a point there, Mashed Potato Pants.
We've become somewhat of a progressive bubble here at McKinley High,
and I think that's due to the fact that the Glee Club is being run...
by a strange, weepy man-child who has lotion in his hair but no adult friends.
We live in Ohio.
And if you choose to cast Rizzo with a naive, gender-confused boy in a dress,
I guarantee you someone...
is going to raise a very public stink about it,
and I don't think that's fair.
Don't put this kid in danger because you want to make some grand gesture...
about how open-minded you are.
William, I spent the last year stifling my natural hatred for you...
in helping you win a glee club national championship.
Now is your moment to pay me back by putting a stop to this so I don't have to.
It's not my call, Sue.
Finn and Artie are running the musical this year, and I trust them implicitly.
Enough! With all due respect, this is none of your business.
I'm the director. It's my decision.
William, maybe you need to remind Chubby-Wan-Kenobi...
of the daily nightmare that is borne of being my enemy.
You can't threaten me, Sue. I've already lost my girlfriend, my future, my pride.
I've nothing more to lose. I'm casting Unique, and that's all there is to it.
And you know, I thought that you would have known more about being an underdog...
after you helped us win nationals and had a retarded baby, but you-
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that.
That- That was the wrong word to use. I apologize.
[ Sighs ]
[School Bell Rings]
What's up, Red?
You look more crooked than Joe Theismann's leg.
It's just these places that the Realtor in Washington sent us. They all have carpeting.
- You know how many germs, bugs and fluids live in carpeting? - Call Stanley Steemer.
Cleaned carpets that aren't dried properly can create Kawasaki syndrome.
You know what the worst thing you can do in a relationship is?
Besides hitting, of course? Lie.
You don't want to go with Will to Washington.
I saw it in your face when you told him you would.
I have reservations. That is much different from lying.
You know what they say about reservations?
They won't seat you till the whole party's there.
Dishonesty eats away at a marriage. You have to tell him you don't want to go.
I can't. I can't get in the way of his dreams. That's what Terri did.
Punkin, VVill loves you like a farmer loves his blue-ribbon pig.
He'll understand.
I'm going. It's decided.
Then you better find something to get excited about doing down there besides him.
You know I love VVill, but I think you've spent so much time working on being his girl...
that you forgot that the reason he's so into you...
is because of all the things you are besides that.
[ School Bell Rings ] I've been trying to see you since I got here,
but every time I get near you, you disappear.
I was fine with our breakup. Out of sight, out of mind.
But maybe you could have called and asked...
if I could handle you choreographing the school musical!
I'm sorry. Artie called me.
It seemed like a fun idea. I didn't think you'd be upset.
Neither did I!
I know this is weird. It's weird for me too.
But if that's what's stopping you from auditioning for Grease,
then we have to make this not weird.
There are still some good parts left. I'm sorry. I can't.
We could use you. You're so talented.
I'm sorry. You're gonna have to survive without my talent.
[ Sighs ]
All right! You guys killed your auditions,
but there can only be one Sandy and there can only be one Danny.
The heart of Grease is the Danny-Sandy romance.
This callback is all about the chemistry.
We want to see how well you play off each other. ls there heat?
[ Finn ] VVe also want to see how you sing and dance '50s-style.
That's why we gave you the audition song ahead of time.
L don't really read music, so-
It's okay. Mercedes and I will get you started.
Start away. Everyone knows Kitty Cat's gonna finish it.
Oh, you have a lot of attitude, little girl.
Let's see if you have the stuff to back it up. Hit it.
♪ Before I was born late one night;
♪ My papa said everything's all right ♪
♪ The doctor paid My mama laid down ♪
♪ With her stomach bouncing all around ♪
♪ 'Cause the bebop stork was about to arrive ♪
♪ Mama gave birth to a hand-jive ♪
♪ I could barely walk when I milked a cow;
♪ When I was three I pushed a plow;
Gentlemen?
♪ While chopping wood I moved my legs ♪
♪ And they saw me dancing when I gathered eggs ♪
♪ The townsfolk clapped I was only five ♪
♪ Outdance 'em all He was born to hand-jive ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- Break it up. Break it up. - ♪ Everybody;
♪ Born to hand-jive, baby;
♪ How low can you go? ♪
♪ Higher;
♪ And higher, yeah ♪
♪ Now can you hand-jive, baby? ♪
♪ Oh, can you hand-jive, baby? ♪
♪ BabY ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
N!' Can you hand-jive, baby? ♪ n!' Can you hand-jive? ♪
♪ Oh, can you hand-jive, baby? ♪
'J' Oh, yeah; 'J' Oh, yeah;
w“ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪
'J' Oh, yeah; 'J' Oh, yeah;
♪ Born to hand-jive Oh, yeah ♪♪
You did good. [Whooping, Laughing ]
[School Bell Rings]
Hey.
I came to talk to you about the play.
[ Sighs ] I get it. I heard about Coach Sylvestefs meltdown.
I want to offer you the part.
But what about Coach Sue?
Well, Coach Sue isn't directing the play. I am.
So now all you got to worry about is getting a curly wig...
and learning the words to “There Are Worse Things I Could Do.”
And I'll take care of Coach Sue...
or anybody else who might try and stop us.
Unique knows the song and has the wig.
Good.
You okay?
I don't feel right in the men's locker room, but I can't go into the girls'.
And I don't feel right in men's clothing,
but I can't wear dresses every day.
It sucks to never know your place.
It's just nice, for once,
to feel like I've found one.
Yeah, it is.
Well, uh- [ Sniffles ]
Before I post the cast list, I just need to know that you're ready for this.
'Cause there's gonna be a lot of heat on you,
and like I said, I can shield you from some of it, but...
at the end of the day, you're gonna be the one out on that stage.
Dreams aren't free.
All right, all right.
[ Sighs ]
[ Laughing 1
Patty Simcox?
Who the hell is Patty Simcox?
I don't understand. I prayed really hard about this.
Maybe God didn't hear you because he was busy helping people with cancer.
Shut it, Avatar.
This is all your fault. You screwed up “Hand Jive.”
No, I didn't. We were both great.
It just didn't work out.
I've been hearing that a lot lately from you.
Oh. One little thing, Honey Boo Boo.
I know a good, hot meal is hard to resist,
especially when you're on the free-lunch program,
but remember, the stage always adds at least 10 pounds.
In your case, closer to 90.
So when you and your mom, Strawberry Hugecake,
are Dumpster diving for your costume,
keep on picking till you find something slimming.
Like a black Hefty bag.
Kitty, my baby needs to be fed.
[ Inhales]
Oh, dear.
[ Sighs ]
Emma, wow. [ Chuckles ]
Did I forget it's one of our anniversaries?
- What? No. - [ Sighs ]
Your parents aren't here, are they?
No, no. I just thought I would, um,
challenge myself with a few new recipes, that's all. [ Dings ]
Okay. How many new recipes?
Uh, two or three. Or seven. Sorry.
If you want, in just a couple minutes, they'll be ready. Just let 'em cool for a second.
Um, yeah, I just got home early,
and I, uh, came across these cookbooks...
my mom got me when I got married to Carl.
And I thought, you know what? I've never tried these.
Emma? Emma. I do that sometimes, and it's not fair.
Sometimes I need to try- Emma. Emma, stop.
Just... whatever it is,
just say it.
I don't want to go to Washington with you.
Um, could you sit down?
Just hear me out.
- [ Clears Throat] - For the past three years,
all I've wanted was to be your wife.
But then when I really stop to think about that,
I have no idea what that means to me, to be a wife.
You know? I, um- I know what it meant to my mom.
It meant, you know, having supper on the table when my dad got home.
It meant lots of “Whatever you say, dears.”
It was heroic doses of Klonopin and chardonnay and-
That's not the wife I want. I know.
I love you.
I love you, but I love my job.
I love my kids. I love helping my kids.
I love that you love your job, and I-
I am so incredibly excited for this job opportunity for you. I really am.
But I am terrified that if I go with you, I'm gonna resent you.
And then I'm gonna pull away. I would rather be here,
far from you but feeling really close,
rather than close to you but feeling really far away.
Are you upset?
No.
I mean, do I like the idea of not waking up next to you every day for a few months?
Of course not.
But you're right.
We've spent so much time talking about getting married...
and no time talking about what being a husband and wife really means to us.
What does it mean to you?
Trust.
Having a partner I know will always be honest with me.
Who I know I will always be honest with.
What about you?
Someone to accept me.
All of me.
Someone who I accept and adore.
Neither of us said someone who is with me every minute...
or compromises their dreams for mine.
No.
So... then I guess we're okay.
Um, we will switch off weekends.
I'll come up or you'll come down. And then I will come home,
and then we will finally get married.
[ School Bell Rings ]
How you doing, buddy?
Yeah. Good. But how am I supposed to make a car fly onstage...
in the auditorium?
[Laughs] You're really throwing yourself into the musical, huh?
I guess they're wrong when they say you can't go home again.
Well, it's not about being back in high school again.
I'm not interested in that. I guess it's just-
It's nice helping other people's dreams come true.
It's called being a teacher.
I'm really gonna miss it.
Wait, what do you mean?
I'm leaving.
Not-Not for good, but for a few months.
I'm going to Washington to fight to keep the arts alive in our schools.
I figure if I don't take a stand now,
there won't be auditoriums left to fly cars in.
But, Mr. Schue, you can't just leave the Glee Club like that, with no one in charge.
- They need you. - [ Sighs ]
No, they need a leader.
Someone with vision, who believes in them.
Someone who understands how to win,
but also understands that winning is not more important than doing the right thing,
or taking care of each other.
Someone who's really good at making kids' dreams come true.
I spoke to Principal Figgins about it, and since Glee Club is not an actual class,
we don't need a certified teacher to run it.
We just need an adult.
Mr. Schue, I'm not an adult.
First of all, I think maybe it's time you start calling me VVill.
And second, I saw how you stood up to Sue.
How you went out and found Ryder.
You're ready.
And if you're willing, I can promise you that...
there's no greater joy in the world...
than helping a young boy like you turn into a man.
It's three months.
So will you do it?
Will you take over the Glee Club?
♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]
♪♪ [ Harmonic Vocalizing]
J." I Ends j