So here's what's you missed Kurt pulled
a last-minute switcheroo for Carmen Tibideaux
and nailed his NYADA audition, while Rachel
tried her old "Don't Rain on My Parade" standby
which we've all heard now, like, a bajillion times,
and she totally choked.
Bieste admitted that her husband Cooter hit her,
but she lied and said she left him, when actually, she stayed.
Puck isn't graduating, which he pretends not to care about...
I'm too stupid. but a while back, he told everybody
that graduating high school was something
he was really looking forward to.
The Glee Club's been ignoring Tina all year long.
Tina won't mind being recast. No, she won't.
Actually, she kind of got ignored last year, too.
Actually, Tina's sort of been ignored the whole time
and she's been in the New Directions!
since, like forever.
The first time she got a solo, she insisted she was bad
and forced Mr. Shue to give the song to Rachel,
and ever solo since, she's either gotten booed
or started crying uncontrollably.
No one noticed that she went from dressing punk
to dressing Goth to dressing like a go-go dancer
in '60s Swinging London.
She even got Mike Chang into college,
and she hardly got a thank you.
Sometimes people don't even seem to know her name.
Girl Chang... Tina Blowin' Wang...
Asian Horror Movie!
And that's what you missed on Glee.
Porcelain, Weezy, you created a monster.
They're calling Jessie St. James a visionary,
and lauding Vocal Adrenaline
for their ongoing commitment to diversity.
But Jessie St. James was against Unique performing
as his true magical self.
No, we were the ones who convinced him to do that.
Well, then, you only have yourselves to blame.
And the liberal media.
Not really. It was your idea.
I have no memory of that.
In any case, Unique is now
a show choir celebrity.
He/She will trounce us at Nationals,
and I will lose my Cheerios! to Coach Roz Washington.
I will not let that happen.
We have but one choice left to us:
It's time to fight fire
with the flaming flames of additional flamey gay fire.
Porcelain, you will wear this flapper dress
and perform at Nationals as Porcelina.
You already have the lady gait and the lady voice,
and you'll have to start smoking, though,
because this dress is a size two.
Okay, just because I'm gay does not mean
I like to dress up like a woman.
Oh, come on.
What about Halloween, Kurt?
Trick or treat! Ba-da bing!
Ay, what's a guy gotta do
to get a candy situation up in here, huh?
Okay, that was a Halloween costume,
and it is a far cry from starting out on the stage at Nationals in a dress.
Which is absolutely out of the question.
Well, then, the New Directions! will lose.
Hate to say it, kiddo,
but if we want to beat Vocal Adrenaline at Nationals,
it's tuckin' time.
♪ When I look into your eyes ♪
♪ It's like watching the night sky ♪
♪ Or a beautiful sunrise ♪
♪ There's so much they hold ♪
♪ And jt like them old stars ♪
♪ I see that you've come so far ♪
♪ To be right where you are ♪
♪ How old is your soul? ♪
♪ 'Cause even the stars, they burn ♪
♪ Some even fall to the earth ♪
♪ We've got a lot to learn ♪
♪ God knows we're worth it ♪
♪ No, I won't give up ♪
♪ I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily ♪
♪ I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make ♪
♪ And in the end, you're still my friend ♪
♪ At least we did intend for us to work ♪
♪ We didn't break, we didn't burn ♪
♪ We had to learn how to bend ♪
♪ Without the world caving in ♪
♪ I had to learn what I got and what I'm not ♪
♪ And who I am ♪
♪ I won't give up ♪
♪ No, I won't ♪
♪ On us ♪
♪ Give it up ♪
♪ God knows I'm tough ♪
♪ I am tough ♪
♪ Enough ♪
♪ I am tough ♪
♪ We got a lot ♪
♪ To learn ♪
♪ We got a lot ♪
♪ God knows we're worth it ♪
♪ And we're worth it ♪
♪ I won't give up on us ♪
♪ Even if the skies get rough ♪
♪ I've given you all my love ♪
♪ I'm still looking up. ♪
You've reaed the office of Carmen Tibideaux,
Dean of Vocal Performance, at the New York Academy
of Dramatic Arts.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Hi, Madame Tibideaux, this is Rachel Berry calling.
I understand that 14 messages is a lot,
but I just wanted to make sure
that you got the muffin basket that I sent
as well as the invitation to come and see my show choir
perform at our Nationals in Chicago.
Every year, the judges give out an award for an MVP,
and I would really love it
if you could be there to watch me win.
If anything, just to show you
that what happened at my audition was a fluke
and that I do have the talent and the ability
to study with you next year at NYADA.
I... I understand that asking you to make the trip is a lot,
but I'm just... I'm really not ready
to give up on my dream, so...
Thank you very much.
Nationals.
Okay, song selection:
We'll be kicking off our "Vintage" theme
with the legendary Jim Steinman's
"Paradise by the Dashboard Light."
Rachel will do the solo, "It's All Com..."
"...Coming Back to Me Now."
One of Celine Dion's most powerful ballads,
inspired by Wuthering Heights.
And we'll be working in a new Treble Tones number,
utilizing the talents of our featured performer,
Porcelina Hummel.
Not gonna happen, Dragon Lady.
Oh, you'll do as you're told, he/she.
We will be performing
"What A Feeling," from Flashdance,
and I'm familiar with the choreography, of course,
because I was Jennifer Beals' dance double.
And on that note,
please look under your seats.
Space helmets.
Welding helmets and leg warmers?!
Best way to get props is to use props.
I am your father.
Uh, Darth Vader.
Is that a movie?
A healthy dose of props,
and our plucky transsexual Porcelina,
and you are over the top.
Aren't props a little cheesy?
Guys, I've asked for Sue's help because she's a winner,
and I'm not ashamed to admit this... I want to win.
But there's not one person in that audience
who will think we're anything but underdogs
who would be lucky to place in Nationals.
We didn't even make the top ten last year.
We've got one last week to come together and shake things up.
If there's anyone here who is not up for trying
and working their butts off,
you should just get up right now and leave.
Whoa, whoa, Tina, where you going?
You guys don't need me... carry on.
Tina, you don't understand. I need this.
Because you blew an audition?
That's not a reason for you
to get a solo at Nationals.
Maybe the rest of us would like one, too.
I wouldn't mind another one
before I get deported.
I want one. Even though I can't sing.
Tina, Rachel is a senior.
So are you, but you can bet
the only thing you'll be doing
is a dance break with Brittany.
Other people matter.
Tina, you may not always get all the solos,
but you are a key player.
I put you in charge of costumes.
Wow! Like that's some prize.
You want props to move around?
Well, I'm a human prop, and I'm sick of it!
Take a lap and cool down, Asian Number One.
My name is Tina.
Tina Cohen Chang!
Isn't she the one who used to stutter?
You're being selfish.
How come when Rachel complains
about not getting enough solos,
she's "claiming her stardom,"
but when I do it, it's selfish.
You're a junior.
You'll get your change next year.
This is the seniors' moment to shine.
I'm really disappointed in you.
Tina, look, I understand that you feel like
your voice is being stifled right now, in the Glee Club.
I mean, I have no idea why you would choose
this moment specifically to make a stink about it
but I want you to know that you are being heard.
Which is why I'm willing to offer you $50
just to let this all go until after Nationals.
Do you have any idea how important Nationals is to me?
I mean, if I can convince Carmen Tibideaux
to come and watch us perform,
then it's basically like a do-over for my NYADA audition,
which means that my entire future depends on us being amazing,
which means that everyone needs to do their part.
Their part to make you look good.
I have sat, for three years, in the back of that choir room,
holding Mike's hand or crying or smiling and swaying,
while everyone else was out there singing solos.
Maybe I say something, most of the time I don't,
team player all the way.
I am tired of being silent.
I am one of the original Glee Club members,
and I was singing "Sit Down You're Rockin' the Boat"
when Finn and Puck were still throwing Slushees at us.
So when is it my turn?
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be me?
Do you have a Facebook account or Twitter account?
Yes. Do you have time to watch Bravo
or read a book or buy laces
for your incredibly high comical boots.
Okay? I don't.
It's exhausting being me.
I get up at 5:00 in the morning
just to get all of this prepared,
in case a solo is thrown my way.
I have the entire Sondheim, Hamlisch, Lloyd-Webber,
Elton John songbooks memorized,
including every single Katy Perry hit, as well.
And I do all of this while keeping my boyfriend interested
and physically satisfied
and being the captain of 16 clubs
and keeping a 3.86 GPA.
I could do all of that. And you will.
Next year.
You'll have your chance next year.
All I want is, for one moment, to feel like you...
be up on that stage and get one of the standing ovations
you're so used to getting.
I mean, I'm behind you 100%.
Being gay doesn't mean you're a cross-dresser.
I mean, that's just silly.
Oh, you did not just text me that, Michael Robert Chang.
Is that Tina?
Hey, Tina. What are you doing here?
Fulfilling my duties as costume coordinator
and text-fighting with Mike, who says
my outburst in Glee Club was unreasonable.
Well, we're getting a hot pretzel later,
if you want to join us.
Can't. Have to go find gown fabric
that doesn't clash with the high yellow undertones
of Rachel Berry's complexion.
Oh...
I can do everything Rachel Berry can.
Oh, my God! Tina! Tina!
Tina! Oh, my God! Oh, oh, oh! Get her, get her, get her!
Tina, are you okay?
Can you hear me? Look at me.
Oh, my God, this is like Days of our Lives.
Can you hear me?
Lost... It's me...
Kurt. Rachel, it's me.
Did you just call me Rachel?
Rachel, Kurt and I just saw you
fall into the fountain.
We think you may have hit your head.
We need to get you back to the Glee Club, ASAP.
Why?
And we need to get your solo ready,
so you can win us a national championship.
Oh, my God... I'm Rachel Berry.
Rachel, I know you're under a lot of pressure,
but I need you to come with me
to Between the Sheets after school.
I'm in desperate need of sheet music,
and you're the only one who can help me.
If you want to run into your
old pal Chandler, far be it from me
to stand in your way.
We've been through this a million times.
It was just a few text messages...
Oh, hey there, Hobbit.
Can't wait to hear your solo
in Glee Club today.
Hope you don't choke like you did in your NYADA audition.
Rachel, I don't want to put any more pressure on you,
but winning at Nationals will be the most important thing
that will ever happen to me in my entire life.
I mean, you'll basically be performing
for every handi-capable kid in the entire world.
Mercedes? Mmm, praise.
Rachel, after your solo, I have to bail
Lord Tubbington out of jail.
He tried to sell my iPhone for drugs.
Brittany?
Rachel, can I talk to you for a second?
I know that drama school auditions
are a year away for me,
and I know that I'm kind of a long shot,
but I was wondering if maybe
you could give me some pointers.
That's enough, Tina.
You can hawk your chop suey recipes
after Rachel shows us her solo for Nationals.
Sue, that's incredibly racist.
I can't be racist, William,
as I am 1/16 Native American.
My Comanche name is Cheerleads With Wolves.
Okay, guys, Nationals is coming up,
and it's all riding
on the shoulders of Rachel Berry.
Rachel, why don't you come up and show us what you got.
Mr. Shue, can I have a couple days to think about it?
Could I get a second
to talk to my fiancée?
Sure.
Rachel, this isn't you.
The Rachel that I fell in love with
just nods to the band, then starts wailing.
Look, I know you got a lot on your plate,
with New York and planning our wedding and whatnot,
but you're at your best when you're under pressure.
Now, turn around and show us
how you're going to win us Nationals.
And afterwards, we're going to make out
because your boobs look slightly bigger today for some reason.
♪ For all those times you stood by me ♪
♪ For all the truth that you made me see ♪
♪ For all the joy you brought to my life ♪
♪ For all the wrong that you made right ♪
♪ For every dream you made come true ♪
♪ For all the love I found in you ♪
♪ I'll be forever thankful, baby ♪
♪ You're the one who held me up ♪
♪ Never let me fall ♪
♪ You're the one who saw me through ♪
♪ Through it all ♪
♪ You were my strength when I was weak ♪
♪ You were my voice when I couldn't speak ♪
♪ You were my eyes when I couldn't see ♪
♪ You saw the best there was in me ♪
♪ Lifted me up when I couldn't reach ♪
♪ You gave me faith 'cause you believed ♪
♪ I'm everything I am ♪
♪ Because you loved me ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ You were always there for me ♪
♪ The tender wind that carried me ♪
♪ A light in the dark ♪
♪ Shining your love into my life ♪
♪ You've been my inspiration ♪
♪ Through the lies you were the truth ♪
♪ My world is a better place ♪
♪ Because of you ♪
♪ You were my strength when I was weak ♪
♪ You were my strength ♪ ♪ You were my voice ♪
♪ When I couldn't speak ♪ ♪ Oh, when I couldn't speak ♪
♪ You were my eyes when I couldn't see ♪
♪ You saw the best there was in me ♪
♪ Lifted me up when I couldn't reach ♪
♪ You gave me faith ♪
♪ 'Cause you believed ♪
♪ I'm everything I am ♪
♪ Because you loved me ♪
♪ Hey... ♪ ♪ You were my strength when I was weak ♪
♪ You were my voice when I couldn't speak ♪
♪ My eyes ♪ ♪ You were my eyes when I couldn't see ♪
♪ You saw the best there was in me ♪
♪ Lifted me up when I couldn't reach ♪ ♪ Oh... ♪
♪ You gave me faith 'cause you ♪
♪ Believed ♪
♪ I'm everything I am ♪
♪ Because you loved me ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ I'm everything I am ♪
♪ Because you loved me. ♪
My first standing O.
Hey, Tina, can I talk to you?
I wanted to say you're always
so good in my musical numbers.
Your oohs and aahs are always on pitch,
and your light sashaying makes my tour de force performances
even more spine-tingling, if that's even possible.
I appreciate it, and you.
Rachel, I can't tell you how long
I've waited to hear you say that.
Just because you're
a little more in the background this year,
don't doubt your talent, Tina.
Next year is all you.
It's finally your chance to shine.
I couldn't believe it when I heard that your
NYADA audition didn't go well.
You're... you're always so amazing.
I wish Madame Tibideaux agreed with you.
So change her mind. I've tried. She won't even return my calls.
That's not the Rachel Berry I know.
If I were you, I'd drive
to wherever she is and I'd stay
until I convinced Ms. Tibideaux to give me another shot.
I can't believe how supportive you are
when half the time, I can't even be bothered
to thank you for your tremendous supporting performances.
It's not completely selfless.
You're our secret weapon, Rachel Berry,
and by helping you, I help us all.
Oh, my God, Tina! Are you okay? Get her! Get her! Get her!
Tina. Oh, my God, are you okay? Ooh! Ooh, ooh!
Ugh.
Did she have to take in the bolt of fabric with her?
That silk charmeuse is worth, like, 25 bucks a yard.
A-five, six, seven, eight.
Mask, mask, helmet down.
Pivot, pivot.
Jump, mask, boys.
A-one, two, three, four, five, six.
Burn! Burn!
Burn! Come on!
Let it burn!
Set this joint on fire!
Come on, burn the joint down!
Okay, cut the music. Stop! Stop.
This is an unmitigated disaster.
Jennifer Beals is spinning in her grave.
Gentlemen, I asked for a cascade of sparks timed to the rhythm.
- I can't see through this helmet. - I took mine off.
Metal sparks in your face is how you get freckles. Is this even legal?
Yeah, shouldn't we be in
some sort of grinding union? Wanky.
Sue, they're right.
They can't pick up advanced choreography
when they're weighed down by helmets and metal grinders.
Grind, grind, pivot, kick, pivot, spin, flip, split.
What's complicated about that?
These props were supposed to add to the routine,
not be the routine.
Well, maybe you're right, William.
Maybe basic sheet metal work
is just too much for your 12th place choir.
Porcelain, thoughts?
I'm not doing a drag number.
We need a new approach.
I have an idea.
This is the teachers' lounge.
It is our sacred space.
Britt and I are gay and Mercedes is black,
so kicking us out would be a hate crime.
Well, I'm not totally gay, but I think
that trees are born the same way as babies,
so kicking me out
would be kind of mean.
Yeah. Thanks.
I'm eating my chicken, ladies.
You're still wearing your wedding ring.
And I saw you
last night at the 7:00 p.m. showing
of 21 Jump Street... with Cooter.
Cooter was in 21 Jump Street?
I didn't know he was an actor.
You told us you were leaving him.
You lied to us.
I know how this looks,
but you just don't understand how complicated
adult relationships can be.
I mean, he hit you and you stayed.
What's complicated about that?
I'm very sorry if this is confusing for you,
but what's the world worth
if people don't get a second chance?
Wait, so you're saying he changed?
Well, he knows now that if he treats me bad again, I am out.
You're so selfish!
You're selfish for making me feel this way,
and I hate feeling like this.
You know you push my buttons!
I don't know.
Can people change that fast?
I mean, most guys I know don't even know how
- to change their own underwear. - I couldn't really
figure that out, so I just stopped wearing any at all.
I think you need to get out of the house,
if only for a weekend.
Come with us to Nationals.
You have two chaperones already.
I don't even know if I'm welcome
back in Chicago after I body-slammed
Refrigerator Perry in a bar fight.
We care about you, Coach.
We just want to see you safe.
Thank you, girls, but I can take care of myself.
Please ignore the stench of mildew
and jock strap
and focus your attention on the screen.
Porcelina?
Yesterday, I snuck into a Vocal Adrenaline rehearsal,
and what I saw is not for the faint of heart.
Lights.
Why is this in black and white?
Because I worship The Artist.
Look at that.
Unlike you misfit, ragtag stumblebums,
each member of Vocal Adrenaline is in perfect sync.
Not a step out of place.
Okay, watch this closely, guys.
It's called the Human Centipede.
It's the newest, hardest
show choir dance move ever invented.
Incredible.
That actually really doesn't look that hard.
And the cherry on top
of the Vocal Adrenaline sundae is their secret weapon, Unique.
Look at him/her.
Poised, confident.
Pretty as a picture with a booty that won't quit.
It's the Unique factor
that gives Vocal Adrenaline its edge.
Isn't Rachel our Unique factor?
Not even close.
I'm not saying that Mrs. Focker
doesn't deserve a solo,
but every show choir in the country
- has a little girl with a big nose. - Okay, Sue.
High school judges are proven idiots.
They love props, and Unique is the ultimate prop.
Do you seriously think that we need
a guy to dress in drag to win?
- No. - Yes.
It's the only way.
Sounded pretty good to me.
I'm singing into the notes, not through them,
but I'll get it.
It never stops for you, does it?
Well, I let myself get overconfident once,
and I'm not going to let it happen again.
Have you heard back from Carmen Tibideaux yet?
I just have to accept the fact that I'm not going to.
I've e-mailed her and called her,
and there's nothing left that I can do.
You could go see her. It's what you suggested I do in
the body-swapping dream I had about us.
When I fell in the fountain at the mall and hit my head.
It was like Freaky Friday. I was you, and you were me,
and Kurt was Finn, and he wanted to have sex with me, as you.
That's very disturbing.
But then you, as Tina, told me, as Rachel,
"Go see Carmen Tibideaux in person
and not take no for an answer."
Okay, I'm very confused.
But the advice I gave myself in your dream was good.
I did some research.
Carmen Tibideaux is teaching a master class at Oberlin.
If we go right now, we can still catch her.
I could drive.
You would do that for me?
Why? I mean, all that stuff you said.
I mean, you weren't wrong.
Look, everyone is important,
and I'm very sorry if I made you feel like a supernumerary.
I'm sorry.
Everyone has their part to play, right?
Maybe this is mine.
Thank you.
You do know that next year,
you're going to be the lead female vocalist.
And it's a lot of pressure, but I'm not worried.
Oh, no, please don't cry.
You need to drive Is your Hyundai gassed-up?
Since Porcelain refuses to be a team player
and dress up like a lady,
we're gonna have to up our prop game.
I've ordered 18 little people, one for each of you.
Wait. Little people?
Munchkins. I found 'em online, William.
And don't worry, I got a mix of race
and ethnicities so you can keep up with your little diversity charade.
I can't dance with a little person. I can hardly walk.
There's that can don't attitude, Quinn.
Sue, I think maybe we are going a little too far with the props.
Let's just spend some time working on choreography for "Dash Board."
Sure, if you want to lose.
Puck?
Hello...
My eyes are burning.
Look at those legs.
I am strangely turned on right now.
Please only address me by my stage name... Lola.
Puckerman, I respect your commitment to winning,
but without a doubt, you are the ugliest woman I have ever seen.
For a second there, I thought you were Beiste's sister.
It's not about being pretty.
It's about someone in here having the balls
to do what he has to do to put us over the top.
Well, you know, if this is gonna work, you're gonna have
to shave off all of your body hair.
Enough!
Sue, look, I really appreciate
all the help you've been giving us
but I am done with all this props madness.
All we're doing for the next three hours
is learning choreography for "Dash Board."
Puck, go change.
You cannot see something like that.
William, I'm oddly aroused by your sudden forcefulness,
and I will let you handle this rehearsal,
however, I feel it necessary to warn you:
I prepaid for the little people.
It's the darkest day in Ohio since Ernest Byner. Boy, how the
mighty have truly fallen, huh?
Take a good look at him, boys.
This empty, useless shell of a man you see before you used
to be the Noah Puckerman,
the guy they named the Dumpster out by the smoking lounge
after 'cause he had dumped more dweebs in it
than any ten dudes combined.
Keep rocking that mullet, Ricky,
Maybe it a few years it will come back in style.
And today he finally succumbed to the toxic fumes of Glee Club
and came to school wearing a fricking dress. Are you looking
to pick a fight? 'Cause there's three of you and one of me,
so you're gonna you'd need about two more guys
to make it a fair fight, you fricking loser.
Oh, I'm a loser?
Did I tell you I got into Ohio State?
Yeah, I'm gonna play hockey there.
What's your plan after graduation?
Oh, that's right, you aren't graduating.
Face it, Puck, you're the guy
we all used to make fun of when we were freshman.
The one who used to hang out hung out in front of the 7-11
picking up on high school girls after graduating.
In two months you'll be buying
my little brother beer and just begging him
to take you to a party. You're a Lima loser.
I'm going to rip that mullet off your head.
You want to fight, fine. But not here.
Out by your Dumpster.
See, I don't want to get in trouble.
'Cause unlike you, I got a lot to lose.
How's the wedding planning going?
Kind of slow lately, but we still have the same plan:
win Nationals, come back, graduate, and then
just have a nice little church wedding performed
by a rabbi with our nearest and dearest.
And hopefully nobody will get tragically injured this time.
You think we're gonna win Nationals?
You know, our first Regionals and last year,
I had this feeling, like we were just gonna win.
But this year, nothing.
I just really, really, want to win, though.
If not for us, then for Mr. Schue.
What if we go all this way, and Carmen just says no?
She won't. She might.
I don't have a back up plan, all right?
And I don't want to waste lose a year
of my ingenue eligibility.
You always make it so hard,
but you were born under a blessed gold star.
Everyone knows it.
I don't know if I think that way anymore.
I mean, think of most of the adults we know, okay?
I bet you that things used to go their way all the time,
and then one day, just, they didn't.
And now they have a job they hate
and they live a life that they don't even recognize.
And I bet you that they don't even bother to dream anymore.
That's not everyone.
Yeah, but most people.
No. Okay. I'm not going there yet.
Carmen is going to say yes.
There's the Rachel Berry we all know and love.
Yeah, I'm really glad we're doing this together.
Thank you.
Can you do me one favor?
Before you graduate, can we sing together?
I would love that.
♪ She's a mania, maniac... ♪
Last chance to walk away
with whatever teeth you have left, Stickhead.
Please. I just hope you brought a change of clothes
'cause you're going Dumpster diving.
But hey, maybe while you're in there,
you'll find your garbage father.
How's he doing, by the way?
You know, I tried his microbrew. It sucked.
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Game on.
Oh!
Hit him! Hit him! Hit him! Take him down!
Hit him!
Hit him! Hit him!
Let's just make this easy. Hop in there yourself.
Come on, man!
The reign of Noah Puckerman is over!
Your winner, and still a loser.
Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser!
Ah, you want some more, there, Nancy?
Whoa! Whoa, dude. What the hell you doing, man?
I'm not a loser!
Drop it! Get over here!
Drop it!
The show's over! Everybody go home!
Get out of here!
Except for you.
Come on!
A knife?!
It's rubber. It's just a prop from West Side Story.
What the hell are you thinking?!
You could get expelled for this!
It doesn't matter. I'm flunking out!
You've got a record!
You could get arrested for assault!
I don't care!
Well, you damn well should care!
I'm nothing!
Don't you get it?! I'm nothing!
I'm the school joke! A failure!
You don't know what it's like to be worthless,
where nothing you do matters!
I feel that way every day of my life!
Every damn day!
You know how many football games or concerts
my mom's been to in the last four years? None. Not one.
My dad's been AWOL since I was ten years old,
which is fine because all he ever did was tell me I was garbage!
And he must be really proud of himself
'cause that's exactly how I turned out!
I'm sorry.
Come here.
I'm sorry!
You know, you and me, we're badasses.
Nobody thinks anything hurts us, but it does.
It does. It's okay.
♪ But I'm always true to you, darlin', ♪
♪ In my fashion ♪
♪ Yes, I'm always true to you... ♪
♪ Darling, in my way... ♪
Breath control is better,
but the phrasing is still emotionally flaccid.
Emotionally flaccid.
Thank you, Madame Tibideaux.
Thank you.
Madame Tibideaux, hello. I'm sorry to interrupt,
but it's me, Rachel Berry.
I'm sorry. I realize that I've
been a little persistent, but I'm just...
I am a very busy woman.
Every moment I spend deleting
yet another one of your voicemails
about lost hopes and dreams
takes time away from another student.
What makes you think you are entitled
to any more attention than other hundreds of people I see
with the same hopes and dreams?
No. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to take time away from them.
But you do.
And I'm tired of it.
Ms. Tibideaux, I know exactly how you feel.
Rachel Berry is a pain in the ass.
What she wants, she gets.
And I've spent a lot of time resenting her for it.
But the fact is, she gets it because she's exceptional.
Not just the voice, which is sick,
but the focus, the drive.
How often do you come across the real deal?
The "real deal" that couldn't remember the words to the song?
Which was as rare as a Bigfoot sighting. She had an off day,
and that decides her entire future?
Ms. Tibideaux, I realize that I'm asking you
to take me into special consideration.
but let me ask you. You've had an amazing career,
did you get there by playing by it safe?
Please, we're performing our Nationals in Chicago,
and we saw that you're gonna be singing there
at the Lyric Opera.
And before you close the door, I just,
I need you to hear me sing. I have to.
There's nothing that I'm as good at
or as passionate about or that brings me that much joy.
And I think that that sets me apart.
And I think it's time for you and your friend to go.
Okay, but I just want you to know that...
I'll see you again next year.
And every year after that until I get in.
Didn't I read somewhere that you
auditioned for Juilliard four times?
Thank you.
Hey, baby.
I got us a couple of pies.
Hawaiian, your favorite.
I'm sorry, Shannon.
You know how sorry I am.
Listen, guy from Michigan
has been poaching every kid I took a sniff of
and everyone's on my ass
and, if I'm being totally honest...
I'm always feeling like I'm disappointing you.
And... it doesn't matter.
You know why?
'Cause I know I can't lose my cool anymore,
and I won't.
I promise.
Oh, come on, baby, sit down. We're celebrating.
You remember that, uh, that bear of a lineman I told you
I was hot on from Newton South?
Got him to sign on the dotted line!
Come on, baby.
You got my word.
What, are you gonna stab me?
Not with that one.
It's fake.
Maybe the big one in the kitchen.
The one I've been sleeping with at night under my pillow.
Oh, God.
Baby, I'm so sorry.
I mean, how did we let it get so out of hand?
I'm out.
I got shame about what happened between us,
but I leave that here with my ring and with you.
Oh, please, please.
Don't... don't leave me, okay?
You can't hate me anymore than I already hate myself.
I don't hate you!
That's the awful part of it.
I love you!
But what does that say about what I think of me?
What are you gonna do, huh, just walk out on me?
Who's going to love you the way I loved you, Shannon?
Who's going to love you now?
Me.
♪ You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons ♪
♪ That you use against me ♪
♪ You have knocked me off my feet again ♪
♪ Got me feeling like I'm nothing ♪
♪ You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard ♪
♪ Calling me out when I'm wounded ♪
♪ You, pickin' on the weaker man ♪
♪ Well, you can take me down with just one single blow ♪
♪ But you don't know what you don't know ♪
♪ Someday I'll be living in a big old city ♪
♪ And all you're ever gonna be is mean ♪
♪ Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me ♪
♪ And all you're ever gonna be is mean ♪
♪ Why you gotta be so mean? ♪
♪ And I can see you years from now in a bar ♪
♪ Talking over a football game ♪
♪ With that same big, loud opinion ♪
♪ But nobody's listening ♪
♪ Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things ♪
♪ Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing ♪
♪ But all you are is mean ♪
♪ All you are is mean ♪
♪ And a liar ♪
♪ And pathetic ♪
♪ And alone in life and mean ♪
♪ And mean, and mean, and mean ♪
♪ But someday I'll be living in a big old city ♪
♪ And all you're ever gonna be is mean ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Someday I'll be living in a big old city ♪
♪ Why gotta be so mean? ♪
♪ And you're ever gonna be is mean ♪
♪ Why you gotta be so mean? ♪
So why are you in here singing all by your lonesome?
Just trying out a song for Nationals.
I gotta win at something.
Well, you may not know it, but you already have.
I talked to Mrs. Doosenberry.
She's gonna let you have another go at that test.
Why? She hates me.
Hated your attitude.
But I told her how you wiggled
into a skirt for the good of your team.
She's into that?
Oh, should've known Doosenberry was a lady-lover
when she didn't climb aboard the Puck wagon.
No, when you did that, you showed that you cared about something.
Something way bigger than just you.
That's all she ever wanted from you.
That's all any of us teachers ever wanted.
So, you're gonna retake the exam
next week, and I'm gonna help you through it.
Why would you do that, help me like that?
Because, Noah, you will never know how much you've helped me.
You are loved, punkin.
You are not alone.
Aah, I pricked my thumb!
Okay, Costume Committee?
Sucks.
Why do we have to do all the work?
Quinn says it's because we're the newbies,
- and we gotta pay our dues. - Whatever.
It's ridick the seniors treat us like plebes.
I mean, this is Rachel Berry's dress, right?
She should sew it herself.
Rachel is probably practicing her songs right now,
over and over again,
until her vocal chords bleed.
And none of us would be going to Chicago
if not for her commitment to Glee Club,
so show some respect.
While we're acting like shrubbery in the background?
Put in the work...
be a good team player,
and you'll get your solos.
And maybe next year it'll be
as part of a group that won Nationals.
And this costume is yours, Sugar,
but I'm happy to be sewing it.
Because the truth is,
it takes a lot of crystals to make something shine.
Now, that's great, and then we shift to the Trouble Tones
for Gaga's "Edge of Glory," which is up-tempo.
I like this. This will work.
William, I can taste your Axe Body Spray.
Hey, you.
Going somewhere, Shannon?
I'd like to be a chaperone for Nationals.
I'll pay my own way and I'll sleep on the bus.
You don't have to sleep on the bus.
I'm sure we can make room.
I booked an executive maternity suite.
Sharing it wouldn't be fair to the baby.
You can bunk with me and Emma.
So you packed a bag on the off-chance you'd be coming to Chicago?
I left him.
Welcome aboard, Shannon.
If it wasn't for Tina, I would never have gone to see Carmen Tibideaux.
Yeah, she's like an offensive lineman.
She always in the trenches,
picking up blitzers so the quarterback can lead the drive.
Sorry, you lost me at "offensive lineman,"
but I'm sure whatever you said was really nice.
All right, there's no other option but just to exceed all expectations.
We have to win at Nationals.
There's no alternative.
You know, you really are our "Unique Factor."
Ah, it's
"You know, I did hundreds and hundreds of movies.
Now, two mice jumped into a bucket of cream and..."
No, no, I think we all are.
I mean, in a sea full of kids
who are just desperately clinging to their own kind,
we're different.
We took the time to get to know each other
and reach out and accept one other.
That's our "Unique Factor."
And that's what I love about us.
Yeah, me, too.
♪ All alone I have cried ♪
♪ Silent tears, full of pride ♪
♪ In a world made of steel ♪
♪ Made of stone ♪
♪ Well, I hear the music ♪
♪ Close my eyes, feel the rhythm ♪
♪ Wrap around, take ahold of my heart ♪
♪ What a feeling ♪
♪ Bein's believin' ♪
♪ I can have it all, now I'm dancing for my life ♪
♪ Take your passion ♪
♪ And make it happen ♪
♪ Pictures come alive ♪
♪ Now I'm dancing through my life ♪
♪ What a feeling ♪
♪ I am music now ♪
♪ Bein's believin' ♪
♪ I am rhythm now ♪
♪ Pictures come alive ♪
♪ You can dance right through your life ♪
♪ What a feeling ♪
♪ I can really have it all ♪
♪ What a feeling ♪
♪ I am rhythm now ♪
♪ I can have it all ♪
♪ I can really have it all ♪
♪ Have it all ♪
♪ Call, call, call, call ♪
♪ What a feeling! ♪ Let's go to Nationals!