So here's what you missed on Glee:
Sue's pregnant, which is crazy...
I had my eggs frozen in the late '70s.
...and she won't say who the father is,
but insists that he's famous.
Rachel and Finn decided to get married
after Regionals, where the New Directions
beat Sebastian and the Warblers and a madrigal group
that just sort of made everyone uncomfortable.
And Sebastian made up with Blaine after he realized
life's too short to blind people with rock salt.
Quinn thought Rachel and Finn were too young to get married,
and refused to go to the wedding.
...which makes me really sad, because I would have loved
to have seen you in a bridesmaid's dress, Quinn.
...but then changed her mind and started texting
while she raced to the courthouse,
and her car got hit by a truck.
And that's what you missed on Glee!
So do you think if Quinn hadn't gotten into her accident,
we still would've gone through with the wedding? Yeah, totally.
Totally. I mean, I'm kind of glad we're waiting.
Now it doesn't have to be a Justice of the Peace quickie.
Hey, I was thinking since Nationals
are in Chicago this year,
we-we should have the wedding someplace special.
Like-like on the pitcher's mound of Wrigley Field.
O-Or someplace else. It's not that, it's Quinn.
I can't stop thinking about her. She's...
Right behind you.
Hi, Quinn! We missed you so much.
No, don't.
I could have easily become one of those creepy memorial pages
in the yearbook, but by the grace of God, I'm here.
Believe it or not...
this is the happiest day of my life.
Come on, Artie. I'll race you to the choir room.
♪ You could never know what it's like ♪
♪ Your blood like winter freezes just like ice ♪
♪ And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you ♪
♪ You'll wind up like the wreck you hide ♪
♪ Behind that mask you use
♪ And did you think this fool could never win? ♪
♪ Well, look at me, I'm coming back again ♪
♪ I got a taste of love in a simple way ♪
♪ And if you need to know, while I'm still standing ♪
♪ You just fade away
♪ Don't you know I'm still standing ♪
♪ Better than I ever did
♪ Looking like a true survivor
♪ Feeling like a little kid
♪ I'm still standing
♪ After all this time
♪ Picking up the pieces of my life ♪
♪ Without you on my mind
♪ I'm still standing
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ I'm still standing
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ Once I never could hope to win ♪
♪ You started down the road leaving me again ♪
♪ The threats you made were meant to cut me down ♪
♪ And if our love was just a circus ♪
♪ You'd be a clown by now
♪ Don't you know I'm still standing ♪
♪ Better than I ever did
♪ Looking like a true survivor
♪ Feeling like a little kid
♪ I'm still standing
♪ After all this time
♪ Picking up the pieces of my life ♪
♪ Without you on my mind
♪ I'm still standing
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ Oh-oh-oh...
♪ I'm still standing
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ I'm still standing
♪ I'm still standing, I'm still standing. ♪
Here's a lesson for your board, Mr. Shue.
Don't text and drive. Ever.
It's the stupidest thing I've ever done.
Besides sleeping with Puck.
There's a lot of rumors floating around, so let's clear the air.
First of all, all my plumbing still works, which is awesome.
But my spine was severely compressed in the car accident,
which basically means I can't move my feet or legs.
But the good thing is that
I'm starting to regain feeling,
so with a lot of physical therapy, and your prayers,
I stand a good chance for a full recovery.
So no tears.
That means you, Tina.
Oh, and I apologize for the number.
My dance moves aren't as smooth as Artie's yet.
With practice, they will be.
I promise that by the time we go to Nationals,
I'll be out of this chair,
and dancing on that stage.
All right.
Whoo!
I'm sorry, I...
I don't think I understand what you just told me.
I said, I'm making swim coach Roz Washington
co-coach of the Cheerios!
How can you do this to me?
I think I can answer that question.
This Saturday the Cheerios! had Regionals tournament.
You were 15 minutes late. That's unacceptable.
I had a doctor's appointment.
Oh... I know. The doctor had to shine
a flashlight in your va-jay-jay to get all the bats to fly out.
I understand that keeping bats out of your womb
is an important part of having a baby when you're older than God.
But it is no way to win a national championship. Sue...
The lovely and talented bronze medalist
Roz Washington has a point.
We need the money and sponsorships that only
a national championship can bring to the school,
and your condition is compromising your work.
It's settled. My word is law.
This will not stand!
Oh, it's gonna stand.
And you know what else is gonna stand?
Your fully-grown, adult baby
when he pops out of your birth canal, before he hurries off
to the high-powered law firm where he has just made partner.
So take your Centrum Silver, and your old ass,
and find a new dream.
What if I can guarantee you a national championship?
And how will you do that?
The Glee Club. If they win at Nationals,
the school wins a $10,000 cash prize.
I get you that money,
I get to run the cheerleading program alone!
Five, six, seven, eight!
Stop! Please, stop!
This is an embarrassment.
Hey, Mercedes. Who you texting?
I'm not texting anyone,
I'm donating to the Obama campaign...
My Droid!
Good news! I booked a tour at the Railroad Museum on Friday,
which means we're gonna have an awesome Senior's Ditch Day.
What is she doing here? Hey, Granny Panties!
I'm taking over Booty Camp1
Why on earth do you want to run Booty Camp?
Because, as I established, I want to help you win Nationals.
And I am a champion who can whip that squad
of pear-shaped teens into shape.
You're out of shape, you're constantly late,
and when you're not too busy texting,
you're complaining about
the choreography you're too lazy to learn.
You're nothing but a coven of tardy,
narcissistic, bloated bags of cellulite
who will stab each other in the back
at the first glimpse of a solo
in a competition hosted by a late-night horror movie host.
Well, those days are over.
Sue?
We need to talk about what happened at Booty Camp.
Oh, you mean my epic smack down of the glee club over their
complete apathy and lack of professionalism?
According to the kids, you were typical abusive
belligerent self, only more so.
I just got this e-mail from Kurt.
"Mr. Shue, save us!
Coach Sue is meaner than Tabatha!" First of all,
I have absolutely no idea who Porcelain is referring to.
I'm assuming it's gay and niche.
Secondly, based on the pathetic display
I just saw?
Your glee club's back-to-back victories were flukes.
Oh... Against Vocal Adrenaline?
On the national stage?
You'll be like lambs to the slaughter.
Why are you resisting my help, William?
We should try to inspire and encourage
our kids, Sue, not humiliate and crush them.
I don't get it.
You were acting like you had turned over a new leaf.
William... I'm near the end of my first trimester.
I'm wildly hormonal, riding out
massive, unpredictable mood swings.
Stop trying to understand my actions.
Maybe you should talk to your doctor
about adjusting your medication? Oh, I'll ask.
I'm going there this week to confirm the sex of my daughter.
Mm! Oh, Sue! That's a mother-to-be
single most important doctor visit. Who's going with you?
Same person who's going to help me raise this child,
Barbara Gordon. No one.
We'll... Sue, you can't go alone.
No, you need a friend there, for moral support.
I agree.
We'll go with you.
You okay?
You seem a little preoccupied.
Oh, well, my brother's in town.
He's picking me up, taking me out to lunch.
Blaine, that's exciting!
I finally get to meet this mysterious brother of yours,
who you refuse to talk about.
I'm dying to know what he looks like.
Oh, trust me, you...
you already know what he looks like.
Blainie!
Hey, Coop! Hey!
Hey. How are you, bud?
Good. Good to see you, man.
This your, this your boyfriend, here?
Actually, yes, it is. Hi.
Kurt, this is my brother... Nice to meet you.
...Cooper Anderson. Oh, my God. You're the guy from
the freecreditratingtoday.com commercials!
Guilty as charged.
♪ Know your score
♪ Freecreditratingtoday.com
♪ Slash savings!
I love those commercials! The jingle's my ringtone!
Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but, um,
I just needed to tell you
that I am an enormous fan of your work.
Thank you.
Will you sign my breast? My pleasure.
"Keep on dreaming.
"Yours... Mine.
Cooper Anderson."
You do me a great honor.
And if Alan Menken isn't personally writing you
a fairy tale musical at this very moment,
I will hunt him down and beat him senseless
with a cudgel.
Because you, sir, are a Disney prince.
Wow.
God, it is great to be back in the Midwest.
My commercial's on hiatus,
so I told my agent I was headed back to the heartland
to press the flesh, do some character research.
Next season's commercials have a lot more intense, gritty
character stuff, so I really want to explore
my salt-of-the-earth roots.
Blaine, your brother's the best-looking man in North America.
Um, Coop and I are gonna head... Excuse me.
Gaston, if I could pull you away from these ladies
for just a moment; I have something I'd like to ask you.
Yeah. I mean, that's...
that's why I never really talk about my brother.
We all know why we're here. I've waited five years for this.
I want ideas for Senior Ditch Day. Go.
Ooh! A Gershwin/Sondheim scavenger hunt!
That sounds like torture.
We want actual ideas, Kurt.
How about a dance movie marathon? Footloose...
Footloose 2011.
What about a non-alcoholic pub crawl?
It's Senior Ditch Day, not Senior Citizen's Ditch Day.
It's springtime. I would like to see something give birth.
Quinn, I'm so sorry.
It was my wedding that you were going to
when you got into your car crash, and...
you were answering my text message, and now...
we're all sitting here, and we're talking about
this day that's supposed to be
the most amazing and unforgettable day
of our high school lives, and we're-we're completely
ignoring the fact that she's sitting in that chair?
It's not right.
It's not right, and it shouldn't be like this.
Well, maybe not, but...
this is the way it is.
My accident, which you did not cause, by the way,
does not define me or ruin our senior year.
I meant what I said in the choir room.
I'm not gonna dwell on this, and neither should any of you, okay?
Come here.
Come on. Come on.
Now, we are ditching as planned.
I think we should go to Six Flags.
The Lady Fabray has chosen wisely. Six Flags it is.
Meeting adjourned.
Hey!
Hey, Finn, can you hang back for a sec?
The Apple guy.
The Facebook guy. Abraham Lincoln.
What do these guys all have in common with us?
I don't know. They were all in a show choir?
None of 'em were taken seriously in high school, dude.
They were written off by the world
until they got the big idea.
Then bingo! The rest is history.
Okay. So what's your big idea?
Lima's only got 22 pools.
Southern California has 800 freaking thousand!
I Googled it.
So after graduation, I'm gonna move to L.A.
and expand my pool cleaning business.
And I want you to be my business partner.
With your brains and my jaw line,
I'm telling you, we'd kill it.
Wow, dude, I'm so honored that you'd even consider me.
But you know, after we graduate,
I'm going to New York with Rachel.
Okay. Let's say you weren't, just 'cause maybe she doesn't
get into that fancy school or you don't get married right away.
We are. It's gonna happen.
Okay.
But, hey, could you do me a favor?
Um, you know that blonde on Sycamore Street
that likes to mow her lawn in tube tops?
Yeah, Mrs. Tennison. Yeah.
Well, her Jacuzzi's busted.
So, I thought since you know so much about motors,
you could take a look at it. Help me out.
Yeah. All right, I could probably do that.
Lazy idiots, your leader Will Schuester has informed me
that my teaching methods are harsh and too extreme.
So I've decided to show you what a real artist looks
and acts like.
Ladies and gays, as my gift to you,
which you do not deserve,
I give you Porcelain's famous brother...
Actually, it's my brother.
...Cooper Anderson.
Thank you, Sue.
Namaste. Okay.
Guys, it was just a few years ago that I was sitting
in a sad drab room like this with dreams like yours
that I thought would never come true.
But you know what? They did.
So, tomorrow, at Sue's insistence, I will be teaching
a Master class in acting for anyone who's interested
in becoming successful in the business like me.
Fantastic!
Cooper, we can't thank you enough.
This is so generous of you to share your time and expertise.
Well, it's very clear that the Anderson brothers are very talented,
and I'm sure that there were many a family holiday
where the two of you maybe did a little duet by the piano?
Actually, it's funny that you should mention that because
Blaine and I were famous around the neighborhood.
Not famous.
We were pretty famous around the neighborhood
for our dueling Simon LeBon impressions.
Oh, no, no, no, no. Please don't make me do that.
Oh, no, Blaine, you have to.
You're both so handsome and good.
Come on, Blaine. What do you say?
How about a little Duran Duran? Is that okay?
Yeah. Come on.
Okay, okay, okay.
You're on, Cooper.
Ooh, the cardigan's coming off. Whoo!
♪ Darken the city, night is a wire ♪
♪ Steam in the subway, Earth is afire ♪
♪ Do, do, do-do-do, do-do-do do-do-do, do-do-do, do, do ♪
♪ Woman, you want me, give me a sign ♪
♪ And catch my breathing even closer behind ♪
♪ Do, do, do-do-do, do-do-do do-do-do, do-do-do, do, do ♪
♪ Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand ♪
♪ Smell like I sound ♪
♪ Just like that river twisting through a dusty land ♪
♪ Straddle the line ♪
♪ And when she shines, she really shows you all she can ♪
♪ Mouth is alive ♪
♪ Oh, Rio, oh, Rio, dance across the Rio Grande ♪
♪ Hungry like the wolf
♪ Don't make a sound ♪
♪ Her name is Rio, she don't need to understand ♪
♪ Yeah ♪ Smell like I sound ♪
♪ And I might find her if I'm looking like I can ♪
♪ Straddle the line ♪
♪ Oh, Rio, oh, Rio, hear them shout across the land ♪
♪ Mouth is alive
♪ From mountains in the north down to the Rio Grande ♪
♪ Burning the ground ♪
♪ Her name is Rio, she don't need to understand ♪
♪ Smell like I sound ♪
♪ From mountains in the north, down to the Rio Grande ♪
♪ Burning the ground.
Standing O. Whoo! Well...
I was really great in that number.
Could I get a wee bit of cheese with that?
What part of Scotland are you from?
Ireland. We're the micks, they're the macs.
I'll get you guys some free Cokes.
Oh, cheers.
Bless you. Why do you do that?
Service industry is a great place to try out new accents.
Keeps your instrument from getting rusty.
Use everything.
Will do.
So, nice job on the song today. Really nice.
Oh, thank you. You were a little pitchy on "Rio,"
and your moves lacked a theme, though.
My theme was dancing, I guess. But you have to give in to it.
Stanislavsky says,
"The fingers are the eyes of the body,"
but he never mentioned that the toes are the ears.
You're unbelievable.
What do you mean? What are you doing? What?
All you ever do is tell me what I'm doing wrong.
You waste no opportunity to remind me
how much I suck at, like, everything.
No, no. Come on, Blaine.
Your balance is completely off.
I just learned to walk three years ago.
If that happened, I'm so sorry.
But I don't, I don't remember it.
Of course you don't.
Hey, hey, little brother,
I know there is an age difference between us,
But I'd really want to be closer to you.
I want to get to know you a little better,
all right?
That's why I'm here.
Yeah. No, I would love that. I'd like that.
Great! So you're gonna come
to my Master class tomorrow, right?
Right? Yeah, sure.
Great. Cheers.
The accent.
Top o' the morning.
Ready?
I don't know. It's super-steep.
In fact, it's the steepest accessibility ramp in Lima.
I know. I've conquered them all.
I think I'm just gonna go to the front of the school.
That ramp is nice and gentle.
Quinn Fabray!
I believe in you.
Now come on.
Prove me right. You can do this.
I'm not gonna make it.
You will!
My arms...
...are like iron! Come on!
You can do it!
...aren't strong like yours.
Yes, you are. Lean forward and push.
Ow.
Come on. You're halfway there.
You've got this! Push! Push!
That sounds familiar.
It's just like having a baby. Come on.
You wouldn't know!
Three,
Two...
one... zero.
You made it! Whoo!
Oh, my God.
Whoo!
Now just stay up there.
I would say that was one
of the hardest things I've ever done.
Until you go to Six Flags.
Look, I'm not trying to be a buzzkill,
but going to an amusement park
when you're in a wheelchair--
especially if you're still getting used to it--
can kind of be a drag.
Artie, it's Senior Ditch Day.
It's the only Senior Ditch Day I'm ever going to have.
I completely agree, which is why I want you to come
with me on Friday.
I promise you,
it will be the most amazing, incredible and inspiring
Ditch Day ever.
Whoo!
Welcome, guys, to the Cooper Anderson Acting Master class.
Thank you. Yes.
Buckle your seat belts, kids, buckle your seat belts
'cause I'm about to pour you a tall glass of
"This is how it is."
First thing you're gonna want to know:
Don't go to college. It is a waste of time.
Number two:
Don't go to New York.
Theater is lame and Broadway is dead.
Real actors do TV and film,
which means Hollywood is where it's at.
Now let's talk headshots.
Always, without fail, turn into a pose.
Again. Wow.
And again. Ooh...
And one more time. Oh, yeah!
Yes, that is a dynamic headshot, and bam,
you just got your first callback. So now you've got
your "sides." Your foot's in the door.
What do you do next? Gotta figure out,
is it comedic or is it dramatic?
Often, it's hard to tell, right?
So do what I do: ask the director.
"Is this scene comedic or dramatic?"
He will know you're an actor who's not afraid
to ask the tough questions, right?
Why are you writing this down?
Okay, what's the key to a dramatic scene?
Finding the emotion.
Connecting with your scene partner.
Oh, no, no and no.
The key to a dramatic scene is pointing.
When people are really emotional,
they point their fingers a lot.
That's not true at all.
That's... that's terrible advice.
Excuse me, guys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Blaine.
Are you an internationally beloved spokesman
for the Internet's fastest- growing credit score Web site?
No.
I didn't think so.
So let's focus in, okay? I'm here for you.
I don't normally do this,
but because you're in brother's class and you guys are so nice,
I'm gonna give you some Level II stuff.
The secret to great acting,
great acting:
ignoring whatever the other actor is doing.
Eye contact with a scene partner is incredibly distracting.
I try to tune them out entirely.
Sometimes I wear earplugs.
That way, I don't get distracted by what
they're doing, and I can focus on the awesome acting choices
I've planned ahead of time.
Like eating a roast beef sandwich, right?
Other choices I can plan ahead of time:
screaming all my lines!
Because I'm really intense.
And the things I'm feeling are really intense!
Because I'm an intense actor!
Nicholas Cage, right?!
Yeah, yeah! Whoo!
Bravo.
All right, guys, I don't want you to go cray-cray,
but I brought in "sides--" industry term--
from a little show that I auditioned for last week...
called NCIS.
What does that stand for?
Oh, my nana loves that show!
Now in this scene, Agent Sciuto has just discovered a dead body.
Who knows what will unfold?
Don't look at each other. Action.
Here's what we know.
Sergeant Pembroke took a bullet
at point-blank range. What we don't know
is why he's wearing a dress.
There's a rumor that Sergeant Pembroke was a transvestite.
No, Blaine, say the line again,
but this time, point your finger.
Things are serious; a man in a dress is dead.
I don't really feel like pointing, Coop.
Just feels a little stupid.
Well, when a choice feels wrong, it's actually a good sign.
It means you're right on the edge, man.
See, I don't know about that. I feel like when a choice...
Coop, you're my brother!
Can't you just support me?
I'm sorry, are you talking to me right now?
Because I can't tell if you're talking to me
if you don't point your finger.
Right?
That is lesson number one, guys, right?
Scene. Scene. Scene.
Good work, buddy.
We'll get 'em next time.
Let's go! Whoo! Let's move on
to a little acting exercise that I like to call
The Emotion Tornado.
Get your hands up to the sky...
Just a busted control panel, Mrs. Tennison.
Nothing too serious.
You're a lifesaver.
Noah told me you're going
into business together.
No, I said we were thinking about it.
Well, I think it's a great idea.
And if you need any investors,
I'd love to be a silent partner.
Or a noisy one.
In California, she's considered ugly.
Dude, I'm not going to L.A.
Okay, end of discussion.
Let me just say this, and I'll shut up forever.
If getting hitched is a team effort,
why are you the one that's always giving up everything?
Maybe it's time for Rachel to start
thinking about you for a change.
It's not like you're asking her
to sacrifice her career.
You heard Blaine's famous brother.
L.A. is where it's at.
Rachel could probably get on TV,
play the quirky next-door girl or whatever.
And you could try acting, too.
Or go to college. This could be your day job.
You spend so much time thinking only about her.
Take a couple seconds and think about yourself.
I can barely focus.
The thought of a boy clinging to my insides
is making me even more nauseous.
Sue, maybe you should wait to find out the sex of the baby.
Besides, boys aren't so bad anyway.
They're disgusting.
They have terrible aim when peeing, they're weak-minded,
and when will someone give me a straight answer
as to why they have nipples?
Sue Sylvester.
Right this way, please.
I'm sorry, is this the father?
Uh, no, no. God, no.
Uh, these are... these are my friends.
Mm-hmm.
Sounds so weird coming out of my mouth.
Here for moral support? Yes, exactly.
Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of them.
Okay.
Well, looking at your test results,
your baby is a girl.
Yes! Ah! A girl!
Come on, now.
There we go.
Oh, my toilet seats are spared.
However...
However?
Your amnio came back with irregularities.
So, Coop, have you met George Clooney? Not yet.
But I have had sex
with the Progressive Insurance lady. Perfect.
Don't be a stranger, all right?
Follow me on Twitter. All right.
Tweet me.
Yeah!
Ask me why I am so happy, Squirt.
Don't call me that.
My life just completely changed.
I just got an audition for a Michael Bay movie.
Oh, that's great.
Hello? Did you hear me? Michael freakin' Bay.
The movie's untitled,
which you know is code for Transformers 4.
You don't seem very happy for me.
Oh, I'm thrilled.
Well, you got a weird way of showing it.
It wouldn't kill you to smile.
Also wouldn't kill you to stop letting Kurt
pick out your clothes.
He d-does not.
Mm-hmm, could've fooled me.
Come on, man, we'll have our own ditch day.
You can help me run lines.
It's all about you, isn't it?
Well, you know what, big brother, I'm sick of it.
And I'm not going to take it anymore.
Huh.
♪ After all you put me through ♪
♪ You think I'd despise you
♪ But in the end
♪ I want to thank you
♪ 'Cause you made me that much stronger ♪
♪ Well, I thought I knew you
♪ Thinking that you were true
♪ Guess I, I couldn't trust, called your bluff ♪
♪ Time is up 'cause I've had enough ♪
♪ You were there by my side
♪ Always down for the ride
♪ But your joy ride just came down in flames ♪
♪ 'Cause your greed sold me out in shame, mm-hmm ♪
♪ After all of the stealing and cheating ♪
♪ You probably think that I hold resentment for you ♪
♪ But uh-uh, no, no, no, you're wrong ♪
♪ 'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do ♪
♪ I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through ♪
♪ So I want to say thank you
♪ 'Cause it makes me that much stronger ♪
♪ Makes me work a little bit harder ♪
♪ It makes me that much wiser
♪ So thanks for making me a fighter ♪
♪ Made me learn a little bit faster ♪
♪ Made my skin a little bit thicker ♪
♪ Makes me that much smarter
♪ So thanks for making me a fighter ♪
♪ How could this man I thought I knew ♪
♪ Turn out to be unjust so cruel? ♪
♪ Could only see the good in you ♪
♪ Pretended not to see the truth ♪
♪ You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself ♪
♪ Through living in denial
♪ But in the end, you'll see
♪ You won't stop me
♪ I am a fighter and I
♪ I ain't gonna stop ♪ I ain't gonna stop ♪
♪ There ain't no turning back
♪ I've had enough
♪ Makes me that much stronger ♪
♪ Makes me work a little bit harder ♪ ♪ Oh
♪ Makes me that much wiser ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
♪ Thanks for making me a fighter ♪ ♪ Fighter
♪ Makes me that much stronger ♪ ♪ Oh, oh
♪ Makes me work a little bit harder ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah
♪ Makes me that much wiser ♪ ♪ Wiser
♪ So thanks for making me a fighter ♪
♪ Made me learn a little bit faster ♪
♪ Made my skin a little bit thicker ♪
♪ Makes me that much smarter
♪ So thanks for making me a fighter. ♪
Oh! Dude, watch it! Whoa, sorry.
My toes. I'm sorry, man.
Hey.
What were you doing?
Uh, texting... Texting while walking.
That's exactly how I started.
Well, I don't usually text while... Think about it.
You know, luckily enough, the guy that crashed into me
while I was texting is fine, but, you know, I...
Okay. You should really
not do that anymore.
No more texting, okay?
Well, unless I'm in class
or, you know, on the toilet or at a movie or something.
Thank you.
What's going on?
Oh, well, that's funny you're here.
I was just, uh,
confirming the ditch day amusement park ticket order...
Oh, count us out.
What? Why?
Because we have a super special senior ditch day planned,
Artie Abrams style.
Isn't that right, Artie?
That's right.
Do you think just because you stand there
quietly mouth breathing and reeking from this morning's
maple-y toaster pastries that you're not interrupting me?
What do you want, Jackson? Spit it out.
I heard about your baby.
You did?
Yeah.
I heard you're having a baby girl.
Yeah.
Just like you.
Come here.
Just like you.
Dang, Coach.
Don't start lactating.
Can I give you a parenting tip?
Sure.
Try to work on your patience.
You gonna tell me what we're doing here?
Just follow me. It's up here.
What is this?
This is where we go to play on Senior Ditch Day.
Or, as I like to call it, CripSkip.
Artie! What's happening?!
'Sup, Mickey?
I don't think I'm ready for this.
Yeah, you are. Just trust me.
♪ Oh, we up, up, up for the glow show ♪
♪ Yeah, we down, down here on the ground ♪
♪ Yeah, we up, up, up, up above love ♪
♪ Yeah, we up, up, up through the clouds ♪
♪ Yeah, we up, yeah, we up
Come on, come on, come on.
♪ You're gonna find a way-ay
♪ Find a way-ay to be
♪ You're gonna get yourself aligned with your old man ♪
♪ You're gonna get it free
♪ You're gonna get it free, yeah ♪
♪ 'Cause it's the way-ay-ay now ♪
♪ Way-ay-ay to see
♪ But it's inside and out with no doubt ♪
♪ It's in everything, it's in everything ♪
♪ Oh, we up, up, up for the glow show ♪
♪ Yeah, we down, down here on the ground ♪
♪ Yeah, we up, up, up, up above love ♪
♪ Yeah, we up, up, up through the clouds ♪
♪ Yeah, we up, yeah, we up
♪ You're gonna find your way-ay ♪
♪ Find your way-ay to be
♪ Hey, you're gonna get yourself aligned with your spine ♪
♪ And you'll get it free
♪ You'll get it free
♪ It's the way-ay-ay now
♪ Way-ay-ay to see
♪ Well, in the moment, it comes and it goes ♪
♪ Yeah, it's in everything
♪ It's in everything
♪ We up, up, up for the glow show ♪
♪ Yeah, we down, down here on the ground ♪
♪ Yeah, we up, up, up, up above love ♪
♪ Yeah, we up, up, up through the clouds ♪
♪ Yeah, we up, yeah, we up
♪ Yeah, we up, yeah, we up ♪
Whoo!
♪ Yeah, we up, yeah, we up
♪ Whoo!
Thank you.
This was a really great Senior Ditch Day.
You were right. I just wanted you
to meet a cool group of people
having a great time in the same situation as you.
Yeah, but I'm not...
This is only temporary.
The doctor said it's a matter of time before...
Look, I've been where you are.
I know how it feels,
but you can't keep denying...
I'm not denying anything.
You're not me.
Okay?
I'm not like you. This isn't my life.
I'm going to Yale, I'm getting out of Lima,
and I'm going to walk again.
And what if you don't?
When are you going to stop pretending
that this isn't really happening to you?
No, no.
Maybe you should request a lower locker.
Could be easier.
No. This has always been my locker
and will continue to be until I walk across that stage
in my cap and gown and get my diploma.
I gotta get to class.
Can I walk with you?
I've been praying for you.
Well, guess it could help for God to hear from a few people.
I've been praying to walk again, as well.
Oh, I don't pray for you to walk.
I ask God to help you accept whatever your journey may be.
I appreciate your prayers-- I do--
but when you're done praying,
you get to get up off your knees and walk away.
Sorry.
Self-obsessed bitch.
It's cool.
You know what...
you're really inspiring.
And I feel like you've been inspiring to a
few other people I know.
What are you doing after school today?
All right, fair warning: in the glorious history of
Booty Camp, this will be the toughest!
But first, Quinn's got the floor.
I invited a friend to join us.
You met him on Valentine's Day.
Teen Jesus! He's got a killer voice.
Whoo! Okay, all right.
Welcome to the New Directions.
Hey, dude, you have a twig in your hair.
No, seriously.
Okay. Thanks, bro.
Let's give our undivided attention to Coach Sue.
First off, please don't ask me which celebrity is the father
of my baby. Please.
I will release that information once I've finalized my book
and movie deal.
Now, it has come to my attention that I have been a tad
harsh with some of you.
I thought I was being kind.
For instance, I said absolutely nothing
about the implausible sexual tension
between Mercedes and the Kentucky Fried Stripper.
Or the sorry fact that you wasted untold millions
on a laser show for yourselves just so Sandbags could dance
with the night school's Polynesian janitor.
Actually, he was Puerto Rican.
Kids, it's in my DNA to be intense, okay,
just like it's in Porcelain's DNA to poop rainbow glitter.
Now, I'll admit I-I behaved badly.
I also realized something.
I am here for two very important reasons.
Number one: Mr. Schuester needs at least one adult friend.
And number two:
I am hoping that the miraculous life growing inside of me
can soak up some of your constantly annoying,
though admittedly laudable, optimism and decency.
Now, I promise to be nicer
if you promise to work your talented little butts off
until they hand you that first-place trophy in Chicago.
All right, sloppy babies,
let's take it from the top.
Five, six, seven, eight!
Hello.
I'm Margaret Thatcher Dog.
My relationship with the Queen was ruff!
Oh, look what Finn won you playing skeeball.
Finn won this?
Yeah. Well, Rachel kept making him win stuffed animals for her,
and at the end of the day, out of the 14
she had, I confiscated this little guy to give to you.
Since there was no convincing you coming with us.
I would've just brought you guys down.
Look, I get it: family stuff is hard,
especially between brothers.
I mean, Finn and I are not even real brothers,
and we pretty much disagree on everything,
but I love the big lug.
And at the end of the day, we're in each other's corners.
You only get one brother, Blaine.
Don't give up on that.
He's the one that's leaving.
Huge audition, you didn't hear about it?
Actually, he hasn't left yet.
He's in the auditorium,
hoping that you'll come and talk to him.
I've tried talking to him.
Doesn't... doesn't really work with him.
Maybe talking is not the answer.
Maybe you need to show him
how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how.
♪ Now and then I think of when we were together ♪
♪ Like when you said you felt so happy, you could die ♪
♪ So when we found that we could not make sense ♪
♪ Well, you said that we would still be friends ♪
♪ But I'll admit that I was glad it was over ♪
♪ But you didn't have to cut me off ♪
♪ Make out like it never happened ♪
♪ And that we were nothing
♪ And I don't even need your love ♪
♪ But you treat me like a stranger ♪
♪ And that feels so rough
♪ No, you didn't have to stoop so low ♪
♪ Have your friends collect your records ♪
♪ And then change your number
♪ Guess that I don't need that though ♪
♪ Now you're just somebody that I used to know ♪
♪ Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over ♪
♪ But had me believing it was always something that I'd done ♪
♪ But I don't wanna live that way ♪
♪ Reading into every word you say ♪
♪ You said that you could let it go ♪
♪ And I wouldn't catch you hung up ♪
♪ On somebody that you used to know ♪
♪ But you didn't have to cut me off ♪
♪ Make out like it never happened ♪
♪ Oh... ♪ And that we were nothing
♪ And I don't even need your love ♪
♪ But you treat me like a stranger ♪
♪ And that feels so rough
♪ Oh... ♪ No, you didn't have to stoop so low ♪
♪ Have your friends collect your records ♪
♪ Oh... ♪ And then change your number
♪ Guess that I don't need that though ♪
♪ Now you're just somebody that I used to know ♪
♪ Somebody
♪ That I used to know
♪ Somebody ♪ Now you're just somebody that I used to know ♪
♪ Somebody
♪ That I used to know
♪ Somebody Now you're just somedy that I used to know ♪
♪ Ooh
♪ I used to know
♪ Somebody.
Best you've ever sounded.
I am tough on you.
This week, maybe, a little tougher than I should've been,
and I need to apologize for that.
But it's only because I see--
I've always seen--
how insanely talented you are.
I want you to be as successful as you can be, Blaine,
and you will be.
You're gonna do it all--
movies, concerts... Broadway.
Even though it's dead?
You'll resurrect it.
And when I'm in the audience, watching you,
I want to be able to say, "That's my kid brother up there.
I helped him get there."
Thanks for saying that, Coop.
And I know you really mean it, too, because
you weren't pointing your finger at me or... Okay, okay.
speaking really loudly
to be intense.
I'm really glad we could sing together
one last time before you left
to be Mr. Hollywood.
Actually, my audition got canceled.
What? I don't know. Apparently, Michael Bay
just decided to go in a different direction,
which is industry-speak
for "Thanks, but we found
somebody who's better and/or hotter."
Okay, first of all, y-you don't know that.
And second of all, screw Optimus Prime.
Even though we don't live in the same town,
and we don't see each other all the time,
we're not just brothers, right?
We're friends, too?
That's... exactly what I've always wanted us to be, Coop.
Hold on a second. I just, uh,
I want to remember this emotion
so I can use it in a scene someday.
You are ridiculous.
You never know, right?
Hey, I want to, I want to help you.
I don't want you to give up on this audition.
Come on, I got an idea. Where are we going?
We are going to put you on tape so Michael Bay can see
what real acting is.
Pointing.
Nice touch.
See, I believe that.
That's why it's lesson number one.
Hey.
So how do you think I did in Cooper's Master class?
You made it seem like you discover dead bodies every day.
If that was a real part, you would've got it.
So the NYADA scout is gonna be hereoon.
I'm pretty sure I'm ready for it.
Have you ever thought about what I'm gonna do in New York?
Well, one thing I know is for certain is, we'll figure it out together.
Well, that's really nice,
but I... I feel like I need to start thinking seriously
about what's next for me.
You ever thought about California?
I just, I feel like there's,
there's so many more opportunities for me there.
And Puck, he's got this really great pool-cleaning business opportunity.
And you could audition for your actor jobs
and you wouldn't even have to worry about money,
because I'd be able to support you
you know, as... as your husband and... Finn...
what are you doing?
Well, I'm thinking about my future.
I thought it was our future.
Of course. Of course, it is
our future, And...
but it feels like
the conversation's been a little...
one-sided lately.
Look, even Blaine's brother said
you know, Hollywood is where you want to go No, I'm not...
if you want to be famous I'm not...
as an actress. a Hollywood actress, okay?
In New York, New York is about the work that you do
and not the work that you've had done.
There's no other option here for me, okay?
I am Broadway bound. Right,
but if I'm going to be your husband,
shouldn't I have something to say about it, too? "If"?
Just seems like you don't care about my dreams.
I care. Of course I care.
Right, of course you care
as long as they don't interfere with yours.
Look, I need to be in New York,
and I need you with me.
I can't do this without you.
I just want you to be really sure.
I just want you to be really sure
that you're in love with me
and not who you want me to be.