Here's what you missed.
Kurt's getting harassed and doesn't know what to do.
- I'm gonna kill you. - Finn and Kurt got mad at each other...
because Kurt had a crush on Finn, then Finn called him a nasty name.
But it also wasn't cool that Kurt couldn't take a hint.
And they're parents are dating, so it's a little awkward.
Sam and Quinn are sort of dating. Sue sort of dated Rod Remington.
You sunk my battleship, Rod, and you sunk it hard.
Then she caught him cheating, so she's back on the market.
That's what you missed on Glee.
[School Bell Rings]
Okay.
Oh.
What's going on? Is this one of those interventions, 'cause...
If it is, it's for both of us. They bombarded me and forced me to bring them to you.
- Come on. Tell 'em. - No, no.
- We said in the car... - Come on, please. You.
- Please. - All right.
So, you know how I drive Carole to work every Tuesday?
Well, today I drove here,
and we snuck into that classroom where Kurt introduced us...
very romantic of me, I might add, and I...
He proposed! He proposed! Ah!
- You stole the punch line! - [Mouths Word]
- Come on. - Wow. This just happened?
- Oh, Dad! - We wanted the two of you to be the first to know.
Yeah, after the kids in that homeroom. Come on. Family hug. Ah?
[Kurt] Okay. Come on.
[Burt Growls Playfully] [Laughing]
I'm so excited and... and nervous. Don't be. Don't be.
- Okay. - Oh, my God. This is just what I needed.
I will take care of it from here.
I have a trunk full of wedding magazines hidden under my bed.
I'm thinking of a russet and cognac theme.
Those are colors, Finn. Fall wedding colors. Autumnal.
Nothing too extravagant, Kurt. Okay? We're gonna use whatever savings we have.
We are spending it on the honeymoon. That's right. We're going to Waikiki.
We're gonna go to the hotel where they put up the guest stars on Lost.
Finn, you... you haven't said anything.
Uh, I... I guess I'm just kind of stunned.
[Burt] Hey. Don't worry. I'm already looking for a bigger house...
one where everybody's gonna get their own rooms, all right?
Come on, honey. Be happy for me.
- I am, Mom. - [Burt] All right. Now listen.
Kurt, Mr. Wedding Planner, I want you to take care of one thing.
I don't care about the food or the booze at this party,
but I want one heck of a band.
I've been eating right, I have been exercising,
and I want to boogie with Carole at this wedding.
- Oh! [Laughs] - And I will boogie.
All right. It's already taken care of, Dad.
I'm gonna hire the New Directions as your band. Right? It won't cost you a cent.
They're cheap. They're available.
Long story short,
you're having a Glee wedding.
[Thinking] Today is a red-letter day.
The big day has finally arrived for one Sue Sylvester.
Becky, get in here! Get these invites down to the post office stat.
Got it, Coach.
And to think that this joyous occasion began in horror.
...which is why I just prefer to think of the homeless as outdoorsy.
So, shine on, urban campers. You smell like adventure.
And that's how Sue "C's" it.
Sue, you're the bee's knees.
Before we break, I'd like to make an announcement.
Rod and I are engaged. [Chuckles]
I popped the question in my building's common-use hot tub. "Bool-yah."
Not to worry, ladies. It's an open marriage.
We'll be right back. [Bell Rings]
How dare you humiliate me like that. People know you and I dated.
Sue, you can't tame the tiger.
- You've read my tattoos. - [Andrea] Face it, Sue.
You're never gonna find someone, and you're gonna die alone.
[Sue] So I decided to try online dating.
- [Chimes] - There was only one match for Sue Sylvester.
[Chimes]
One Sue Sylvester.
♪ Be my Be my baby ♪
[Thinking] So, thanks, eDesperate. I'm over the moon.
Or maybe I'm a little high off this adhesive.
But I want to scream from the highest mountain...
Sue Sylvester is marrying herself.
♪ My one and only baby ♪♪
[School Bell Rings]
Hey.
Is that safe... with your shoulder messed up and all?
Doesn't feel messed up to me. Now that I'm healthy, I'm gonna be gunning to get my job back.
Well, Coach Beiste isn't gonna replace me while we're winning.
You can't win every game. Look. I still want to be friends.
It's just I'm kind of on the cusp of being one of the most popular guys in school.
Wow. I, uh... I didn't think you were the type that cared about that stuff.
Everyone does. Being on top means you don't have to take crap from anybody.
No teasing, no Slushee facials.
Being quarterback isn't gonna put you on top,
especially since you can't even get Quinn to be your girlfriend.
I'm working on that too.
[Quinn] So, what do you want to talk about in private?
These galactic mobiles aren't the stars of McKinley.
We are.
Or at least I want us to be. Okay.
I think I love you.
Oh. [Chuckles]
Look. My shoulder's healed. I'm gonna be the quarterback again soon.
You're already the head cheerleader.
Oh, my God. Are you proposing?
We've known each other for six weeks.
Stand up. You're freaking me out. I want to marry you... someday.
Until then, will you accept this promise ring?
What are you, six?
If you accept,
this ring will symbolize my promise to you to be true,
to never pressure you to do anything more than kiss,
to listen to your problems, to tell you when you have food in your teeth, or eye gunk,
to come over to your house whenever you need something superheavy moved around.
I promise to make you feel proud when you point down the hall...
and say "That dude's my boyfriend."
I promise to do all of those things...
without ever trying to sound like Matthew McConaughey.
I really care about you, Quinn,
and I want us to be together.
Is that a no?
It's a maybe.
[Sighs]
[School Bell Rings]
Hey. Uh, so, I've been reviewing this itinerary, and I don't really get it.
Are you sure we should release 300 live doves indoors?
Won't that get kind of messy?
That's why we feed them glitter, Finn.
Oh. Well, look.
I've been thinking about it. I really want to do something special for the wedding,
and I want to take this opportunity to sort of remind everyone...
that I'm, you know, a leader.
I have the perfect idea.
After you walk your mom down the aisle and give her away to my dad...
Incredibly creepy.
And give your speech to the newlyweds, which I will write,
although you are free to suggest overall themes,
you and Carole will have a lovely mother-and-son dance in front of everyone.
That's a terrible idea. Everybody knows I'm the worst dancer.
Finn, trust me on this. I have been planning weddings since I was two.
My Power Rangers got married and divorced...
in so many combinations, they were like Fleetwood Mac.
I guess if I could pull it off, it would make me seem like a cool stud.
Totally.
Thanks. It's a plan.
I don't want you near me.
Can I have this?
Thanks.
Are you okay?
No. Let's go to the principal. Come on.
[School Bell Rings]
Did he physically hurt you?
- No. - You said he shoved you into the lockers before.
I can't expel a kid for shoving. He'll just say,
"I didn't mean to shove that kid. I tripped."
Excuse works like a charm. I use it all the time.
He didn't shove me this time. He just terrified me.
Lady, I can't suspend a student because he scares you.
High school is a dry run for the rest of your life.
It's rough. People can be mean.
That's your advice? That's all you have to say?
William, I was bullied my entire life.
I grew up with a "handicapable" sister.
I know very well how cruel people can be.
Was it difficult? Yes. Did it make me stronger?
- You bet it did. - It's the fear that's the worst.
I never know when it's coming. I can't concentrate.
I don't feel like I'm part of the school at all. I feel like I'm in a horror movie...
where this creature follows me around terrifying me,
and there's nothing that I can do about it?
I mean, you... you don't know what's going on in this kid's head.
You don't know what he's capable of.
- What does that mean? - Nothing. Maybe I'm overreacting.
Lady, this kid lays a finger on you,
you come straight to me, and I will expel him...
faster than a Thai takeout place can read back your delivery order.
Okay? But until that happens... and I'm genuinely sorry to say this...
there's nothing legally I or the school board can do.
Come on, Kurt. We're gonna be late for rehearsal.
You know, when you call me "lady"...that's bullying. And it's really hurtful.
I'm sorry. I thought that was your name.
As an apology, I'll allow you to choose from the following nicknames:
Gelfling, Porcelain and Tickle-Me-Doughface.
- I guess I'll go with Porcelain. - Damn.
Totally wanted Tickle-Me-Doughface.
Ladies, the Kurt/Karofsky bullying situation is getting way out of control.
Kurt's miserable. He's losing weight- and not in a good way...
and he's barely even fighting me for solos anymore.
We've all been teased, but something about what Karofsky's doing is so much worse.
We're all lucky enough to have boyfriends on the football team.
I say we band together and demand that they confront Karofsky.
Okay. First off all, I'm not dating Sam. And second of all,
I think you personally just set the feminist movement back 50 years.
But guys like Karofsky only respond to muscle.
So we're gonna fight violence with violence?
No. Look. I'm not saying that they should hit him.
What I'm saying is that we need to defend Kurt, and there's strength in numbers.
I'm confused. Are you and Artie officially dating now?
Deal with it.
When you guys fooled around, did he ever, like, just lie there?
Why didn't you tell me that we were having a Glee girls meeting?
This is a meeting for Glee girls with boyfriends.
We're gonna make them stop Karofsky from bullying Kurt.
- Okay, I'm dating Puckerman. - You're getting naked with Puckerman.
Besides, Puck can't mess with Karofsky. He's on probation.
- If he gets in a fight with him, he'll be sent back to juvie. - Mm-hmm.
Yeah. So now, if you'll excuse us.
[Scoffs] You're so on my list, dwarf.
Look. If something bad happens to Kurt,
and we didn't do anything to stop it,
we'll never be able to live with ourselves.
[School Bell Rings]
I'm a little confused.
I said not only am I marrying myself,
I will be officiating the ceremony.
I'm not, um... Marcia Dean,
when I hired you and your crack team at Marcia Dean Weddings,
I did so because you specialize in unique weddings.
Well, that mostly means that some of them take place outside.
Marcia Dean, you are fired. You are out of your depth.
And nothing is too good for Sue Sylvester.
Well, that's one way to look at it.
Hello.
I'm Doris Sylvester. I'm this one's mother.
Marcia, I'll bet people say you look mannish. But you know something?
I think it's perfectly all right for a woman to be handsome.
Takes all kinds.
Susie. Come give your mother a hug.
- Please don't call me that. - Come on. Come on.
[Chuckles] Oh.
Ow!
You poked me in my sternum.
I always forget that you have this rib cage that's kind of weird... and adorable.
Think I'll sit down. [Sighs, Chuckles]
Mom, what are you doing here?
Good news, Suze.
We finally caught the last Nazi.
For two and a half years, we've been hot on the trail...
of Eva Braun's great-nephew Chad.
And you know what? He's been under our noses this whole time,
working in Phoenix as a C.P.A. [Chuckles]
Ah, I felt bad taking him out.
I mean, it's punishment enough to live there.
Have you ever been to Phoenix? It's a hellhole.
Mom, where have you been?
I haven't seen you or heard from you in over three years.
What do you mean? I-I wrote you all those postcards.
I mean, granted, they were decoys.
- Have you been to see Jean yet? - It's the top of my list.
Look. I, uh...
I know it's been a long time, but...
the work I was doing was important.
And I always wanted to get back here and...
be a mother to you girls again.
But, Susie, I have to ask you, what is it with this ridiculous wedding?
- Have you given up on love? - No, Mother. Quite the opposite.
When you were little, the other mothers used to tell me that you'd never find anybody,
but I said, "No, no, no, no.
She's a perfectly okay child.
She'll grow into her looks."
And you know what?
I believe you still might.
Mother, I am going through with this wedding,
and you are free to accept the invitation or not.
Are you inviting me? I'm inviting you now.
Well, I'm accepting. Don't get so huffy.
But since your father's no longer with us, I want to walk you down the aisle.
No. I'm doing that. Then I know exactly what I'm going to do.
Do you remember when you were a little girl, and you used to ask me to sing to you?
I... I never had the time. So you'd line up your little dollies...
and they'd sing to each other.
Appalachian murder ballads.
But it was touching.
Do you know something though?
I'm going to be there for you this time.
I'm going to sing at your wedding.
But why? Karofsky plays right guard.
If he gets pissed at me, I'm gonna get sacked more times than Jay Cutler,
which means we're gonna lose, which means Beiste is gonna make Sam quarterback.
Is being quarterback more important to you...
than helping out the kid who's gonna be your stepbrother?
Look. We both know I can help him more if I stay on top. Kurt's gonna be fine.
Rachel, I'm sorry. I want to, but I can't.
I've never been so disappointed in you before.
But-
[School Bell Rings]
- Stop picking on Kurt. - Do you mind? I'm changing.
We're serious.
- This is a warning. - Oh, yeah?
- From now on, you're gonna leave him alone. - Look.
If he wants to be a homo, that's up to him, but don't rub it in my face.
- We're not asking you. - Yeah. We're done talking about this.
Just back off, all right? Look. You back off!
Hey!
Artie, you okay?
Ow!
[Groans]
[Grunts]
Hey, hey, hey! What's going on? Get up!
Get up here! Get up!
What the hell's going on here?
[School Bell Rings]
- Dude was a wild animal. - "Manimal."
I'm so turned on by you right now.
How bad does it look? It's pretty hot, actually.
You have no idea how hard it was not to jump into that beat-down.
- Where were you, Finn? - I was still out on the field, okay?
I totally would have given him a beat-down if I'd been there.
The fact is, it shouldn't have gone down without you, Finn.
You should have been leading the charge.
Lay off Finn, everyone. It isn't his problem.
It's none of your problems, actually.
But thank you for what you did. Especially Sam.
- Serious. An epitome of a leader. - [Will] What's going on?
What happened to Sam's eye?
He stood up to Karofsky. [Tina] All the guys did.
Well, not Finn.
Is everyone okay? Do we all need to go talk to Principal Sylvester?
No. I got in a few good licks too, so we can just call it even.
And maybe this will send a warning to Karofsky, telling him to back off Kurt.
You okay, Kurt?
All right, guys. Let's take our places. We got a wedding to prepare for.
[School Bell Rings]
Well, Mr. Piano Man, I think I owe you an apology.
Not to worry, Susie-Q.
I arranged for us to spend an hour in here...
with that, uh... that cutie pie... what's his... handsome guy...
What's his name? Will Schuester?
Phew! Let's get this over with.
Look.
I know you've always resented my leaving.
But I don't think you ever truly appreciated...
the sacrifices I made to be a famous Nazi hunter.
I don't think you ever thought about how hard it was on me.
So, this is the song I'm going to sing at your wedding.
Yoo-hoo. Here we are.
I know you know it.
It's one of my favorites.
Well, hit it.
♪♪ [Ballad]
♪ Why, oh, why, oh, why, oh ♪
♪ Why did I ever leave Ohio ♪
♪ Why did I wander to find what lies yonder ♪
♪ When life was so cozy at home ♪
♪ Wondering while I wander ♪
♪ Why did I fly ♪
♪ Why did I roam ♪
♪ Oh, why, oh, why, oh ♪
♪ Did I leave Ohio ♪ ♪ Did you leave Ohio ♪
♪ Maybe I'd better go ♪
♪ Home ♪ ♪ O-H-l-O ♪
♪ Maybe I'd better go ♪ ♪ Maybe you'd better go ♪
♪ Home ♪
Well, Mother, this song still doesn't explain why you abandoned your children.
Ohio was stifling, and we couldn't wait to get out of the place.
And I told you, "Sue, we're going to be hunting Nazis."
And Pop said, "Sue, this might take a little while." ♪♪ [Continues]
Well, those Nazis are slippery, and me hunting them way down in Lima, Peru.
And we'd get postcards from Niagara Falls.
While I'm stalking Mengele in Bolivian malls.
Three times a year we'd get crackling phone calls.
Happy birthday. "Hunting Nazis."
Merry Christmas. "Hunting Nazis."
Homesick. Abandoned.
Heartsick. Neglected.
♪ Thank heavens we're free ♪
♪ Why, oh, why, oh, why, oh ♪
♪ Why did I ever leave Ohio ♪
♪ Oh, why, oh, why, oh ♪
♪ Did I leave Ohio ♪ ♪ Did you leave Ohio ♪
♪ Maybe I'd better stay ♪
♪ Home ♪♪
[Sniffs] Well, that wasn't as good as I thought it would be.
We... Whoa. Wait a minute. I've got a fitting for your wedding.
I'm wearing white. I know you won't mind.
It goes with my skin tone.
You... You've got your father's coloring.
Give us a kiss.
[Doris] ♪ Maybe I'd better stay home ♪
[School Bell Rings]
Thank you both for attending the Kurt Hummel wedding dance seminar.
Dad, you're gonna have to pull off the first dance with Carole.
And if Uncle Andy's 40th birthday party was any indication,
you're gonna need some work.
What are you talking about? My moves were great. Okay? It was the damn sangria.
Okay. We dance to the beat, not to the words. Affected my coordination.
I'm here, right? Yes. Right here. Okay.
All right. Have you guys chosen... No... a wedding song?
Ah, yes. We're thinking "Stairway" or some Bublé.
Okay. Great. So it's basically one, two, three, four. Okay.
♪♪ [Piano] Follow me. All right. Gentleman leads on the left.
Right. Opposite of me. Okay? Get ready. Opposite.
One, two, three, four.
- Okay. Good. And back. - Look at me. I'm dancing, huh?
Look at that. Yeah. Okay, okay.
Come over here, and dance with yourself. Practice.
Come on, Finn. No chickening out. I did it. You gotta do it too.
[Exhales] Okay. Uh...
- My feet are moving, and there's music. - All right.
- Position. - [Burt] That's dancing.
Can we shut the door? I'm not really comfortable with people watching.
What are you talking about? You danced in front of a thousand people at regionals.
Okay.
♪♪ [Stops]
What the hell was that?
- It's nothing, Dad. - That was not nothing.
That guy was making fun of you. What the hell's his name?
- Tell him, Kurt. - Tell me what?
- Tell him, or I will. - His name's Dave Karofsky.
He's been harassing me for a few weeks now.
- Harassing you how? - Just shoving me and giving me a hard time.
There's more. There's something else you're not telling me.
He threatened to kill me.
What? You gotta be kidding me.
Burt!
What the hell? You like picking on people?
- What? - Why don't you try me.
Burt, stop. Please, you're sick. Come on.
What the hell have you been doing while this is all going on, huh?
[School Bell Rings]
So it seems the situation has reached a boiling point.
- You're damn right it has. - Nothing happened.
I'll tell you what really happened. Mr. Karofsky...
- My name's Paul. - Paul, your kid threatened the life of my son.
Porcelain, is that true?
That's not true. I didn't say anything.
That's what he said. He said he would kill me if I told anyone.
If you told anyone what?
Just... that he was picking on me.
- [Sighs] He's making all this stuff up. - Oh, is that right?
Hold on a sec. You have been acting differently lately, David.
You used to get A's and B's.
You're talking back, you're acting out, and now we're sitting here.
So let me ask you,
why would Kurt make that up?
Maybe he likes me.
I think we're wasting our time here.
It's your job to protect people.
Couldn't agree more.
After hearing both sides of the story, you are hereby expelled.
I will not have one student threatening the life of another.
If you don't think this is fair, you can appeal to the school board.
You'll leave campus immediately.
I appreciate your time.
- Thank you. - Enjoy your wedding.
[School Bell Rings]
[Door Opens]
[Door Closes] [Chuckles Nervously]
Never learned how to tie a tie.
Sit down, Frankenteen.
I'm guessing you know that you're losing it.
I mean, Sam is clearly the new Glee favorite.
He's gonna become starting quarterback.
What's your point? My point is that you need a coolness injection.
If you were honest and told people that we did it last year,
you would go from uncool to Chilly Willy in a heartbeat.
Maybe, but I can't do that.
Wait. What?
There's something I have to tell you. I didn't have sex with Jesse.
I... I lied... to make you jealous.
It's cool. Um...
You know, I had a feeling, considering how much of a prude you are with me.
Not that I'm complaining. This is so much better,
because now neither of us have done it and we can save it for each other.
Awesome.
If she found out, she'd break up with me. And this would be bad because...
Because I'm in love with her, and I don't want to hurt her feelings.
Don't you see that that midget is like an anchor...
dragging you down to the depths of Loserville?
Stop it, Santana. That's my girlfriend. I think you should leave.
All right.
Maybe I'll tell her.
I mean, if you two broke up, we'd be free to see each other, right?
Hey. What are you guys doing?
Nothing. I was just leaving.
Aren't you gonna tell me how pretty I look?
[Exhales] You look amazing.
What?
I...
I just really love you.
I love you too.
♪♪ [Pop]
♪ It's a beautiful night ♪
♪ We're looking for something dumb to do ♪
♪ Hey, baby ♪
♪ I think I wanna marry you ♪
♪ Is it the look in your eyes ♪
♪ Or is it this dancing juice ♪
♪ Who cares, baby ♪
♪ I think I wanna marry you ♪
♪ Well, I know this little chapel on the boulevard We can go ♪
♪ No one will know ♪
♪ Oh, come on, girl ♪
♪ Who cares if we're trashed Got a pocket full of cash we can blow ♪
♪ Shots of Patrón ♪
♪ And it's on, girl ♪
♪ Don't say no, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ And we'll go, go, go, go, go ♪
♪ If you're ready like I'm ready ♪
♪ 'Cause it's a beautiful night ♪
♪ We're looking for something dumb to do ♪
♪ Hey, baby ♪
♪ I think I wanna marry you ♪
- ♪ Is it the look in your eyes ♪ - ♪♪ [All Vocalizing]
- ♪ Or is it this dancing juice ♪ - ♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
♪ Who cares, baby ♪
♪ I think I wanna marry you ♪
♪ Just say "I do" ♪
- ♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues] - ♪ Tell me right now, baby ♪
♪ Tell me right now baby, baby ♪ ♪ Just say "I do" ♪
♪ 'Cause it's a beautiful night ♪
♪ We're looking for something dumb to do ♪
♪ Hey, baby ♪
- ♪ I think I wanna marry you ♪ - ♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
♪ Just say "I do" ♪
♪ Is it the look in your eyes ♪
♪ Or is it this dancing juice ♪
♪ Who cares, baby ♪
♪ I think I wanna marry you ♪♪
[Audience Cheering]
[Minister] Please, be seated.
We usually start with a prayer,
but a certain young wedding planner, who shall remain nameless,
was afraid that some in attendance might fall asleep.
So instead, I'm going to let Burt and Carole...
tell you in their own words why they've invited you here today.
I'm not really known for having a way with words. Uh...
You know, when you're a kid, adults will tell you a lot of things.
But one thing they neglect to mention is how... sad life can be.
I lost somebody I loved very much.
But Kurt... he lost his mom.
And that killed me.
You know, we got by, but looking back... I want to apologize to you, Kurt.
What we were living just... wasn't living.
You know that saying that when God closes a door, he opens a window?
Well... [Chuckles] Sometimes, out of nowhere, he'll do you one better,
and he'll kick a whole wall down.
- [Chuckles, Sniffles] - He grabbed me by the shoulders,
and he pointed me towards this woman right here.
And he said, "There she is.
Go get her."
You're everything, Carole.
Words can't describe you.
You're everything.
And I will love you till the day I die.
- [Carole Sniffles] Okay. - [Burt Chuckles]
I'm lucky.
Most women, when they get married, they get one man.
I get two.
One of you saved me from my wardrobe,
the other one just saved me.
Kurt, you are an amazing person.
I'm not only getting a son, I'm getting a friend.
Finn, I know you were resistant at first,
but I am so proud of you.
I've watched you grow into a man.
But I think I'm most proud that you've become a brother to Kurt.
We are four people...
becoming a family.
[Minister] Okay. [Chuckles]
[Sighs, Chuckles] Oh. [Chuckles]
- Burt, do you take Carole... - You bet I do.
[Audience Laughs]
And do you, Carole, take this man... Oh, yes, I do. Yes, I do.
[Applause, Cheering]
Whoo!
[Man] Yeah!
♪♪ [Latin Pop]
♪ When marimba rhythms start to play ♪
♪ Dance with me Make me sway ♪
♪ Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore ♪
♪ Hold me close Sway me more ♪
♪ Other dancers may be on the floor, dear ♪
♪ But my eyes will see only you ♪
♪ Only you have that magic technique ♪
♪ When we sway, I go weak ♪
♪ When marimba rhythms start to play dance with me ♪
♪ Make me sway ♪
♪ Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore ♪
- ♪ Hold me close Sway me more ♪ - [Mouthing Words]
♪ Like a flower bending in the breeze ♪
♪ Bend with me Sway with ease ♪
♪ When we dance you have a way with me ♪
♪ Stay with me Sway with me ♪♪
Whoo!
- [Indistinct] - Whoo! Whoo!
[Indistinct]
And now I'd like to introduce one of the best men:
Finn Hudson.
- All right? - You did good. It did the trick.
Oh. Thanks.
Hi. Uh, thank you.
Best man.
Right. Uh...
Well, I want to propose a toast to my mom,
who is so awesome.
Uh, I mean, somehow, even without one in the house,
you taught me what it means to be a man.
In Glee Club, uh, whenever two of us got together,
we got a nickname.
Rachel and I are Finnchel.
Rachel and Puck were Puckleberry.
And today, a new union was formed.
Furt.
You and me, man.
We're brothers from another mother.
And quite frankly, no one else has shown me as much as you...
about what it means to be a man.
And over the past few weeks, uh,
some stuff's gone down, and I haven't manned up like I should've.
From now on,
no matter what it costs me, I got your back.
Okay?
Even if it means getting a Slushee in the face every now and then.
[Audience Chuckles]
You put this entire wedding together by yourself, Kurt.
So, as a thank-you, I had the Glee Club put together a little number in your honor.
You're gonna dance it with me, dude.
- ♪♪ [Vocalizing] - [Mouths Word]
♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
♪ Oh, her eyes, her eyes ♪
♪ Make the stars look like they're not shinin' ♪
♪ Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her tryin' ♪
♪ She's so beautiful ♪
♪ And I tell her every day ♪
♪ Oh, you know you know, you know ♪
♪ I'd never ask you to change ♪
♪ If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same ♪
♪ So, don't even bother asking if you look okay ♪
♪ You know I'll say ♪
♪ When I see your face ♪
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪ There's not a thing that I would change ♪
- ♪ 'Cause you're amazing ♪ - ♪ You're amazing ♪
♪ Just the way you are ♪
- ♪ And when you smile ♪ - ♪ When you smile ♪
♪ The whole world stops and stares for a while ♪
♪ 'Cause, girl, you're amazing ♪
♪ You're amazing ♪
♪ Just the way you are ♪
♪ The way you are ♪
♪ Girl, you're amazing ♪
♪ Just the way you are ♪
♪ When I see your face ♪
♪ There's not a thing that I would change ♪
♪ 'Cause you're amazing ♪ ♪ You're amazing ♪
♪ Just the way you are ♪
♪ And when you smile ♪
♪ The whole world stops and stares for a while ♪
♪ 'Cause, girl, you're amazing ♪
♪ Just the way you are ♪
♪ Yeah ♪♪
Well, I hope the real wedding is more exciting than the rehearsal.
You know what, Jeannie?
There's nothing like spending time with my girls.
Then why did you have to leave us?
I was busy. I was busy keeping you safe.
Those Nazis... they're... they're nasty people.
You got the illustrated copy of Mein Kampf I sent you, right?
Yes, I did. Thank you. You're welcome.
♪♪ [Synthesizer: "Here Comes The Bride"]
Oh, what in the G.D. Hell?
♪♪ [Continues]
- That's enough. - ♪♪ [Stops]
Dearly beloved, we are gathered today...
to join Sue Sylvester and Sue Sylvester in holy matrimony.
- Jeannie, give me the rings. - This is insane.
Sue, do you take Sue to be your lawfully wedded spouse?
I do.
And, Sue,
do you take Sue to be your lawfully wedded spouse?
I do.
By the power vested in me by a Web site,
I hereby pronounce you Sue and Sue.
You may kiss yourself.
♪♪ [Synthesizer: "Oh My Darling, Clementine"]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but this is crazy.
This whole thing is crazy. ♪♪ [Stops]
I had my heart set on singing during the ceremony.
I don't want to be singing as you're walking out.
I want to have a special moment with you girls.
We girls have had lots of special moments, Mother. You just weren't there.
I resent that. And I also resent the fact...
that you are keeping me in the background...
at my own daughter's wedding,
which, I am sorry to say, I still think is bizarre.
You know when I finally began to like who I am?
When I stopped trying to please you.
So Jean and I had to learn how to become our own family,
and you can't just waltz in here after all this time and start calling the shots.
You're a bully, Mother. It's taken till now to realize it, but you are a bully.
I am not.
Mother, I cannot remember a conversation with you...
where I didn't walk away feeling worse about myself.
Well, you know what, Susan? I'm disappointed in you.
I'm sorry to say, Mother. You are no longer invited to my wedding.
What about my song? You're welcome to sing "The Sound of Silence"...
in your hotel room right now.
[Scoffs] All right.
And to think I was going to send you to Israel for your honeymoon.
They love me there.
You look beautiful.
I feel beautiful.
[School Bell Rings]
Hi. Arnica. Twice a day.
It'll help your bruise.
Thanks.
I've been thinking a lot about what you did for Kurt.
It made a real impact.
I thought the only impact that was made was Karofsky's fist impacting my face.
You saw what Finn did at the wedding. That was because of you.
We've been talking this whole time,
and you haven't even noticed that I'm wearing your ring.
How'd you get that? I broke into your locker.
I've always been really handy with a nail file.
Really? Mmm.
Yes. [School Bell Rings]
This is absolutely unacceptable.
This psycho threatens my kid's life,
and some school board, made up of a bunch of people I've never met,
tells me there's nothing they can do about it?
Oh, they could do something about it. They just decided not to.
No one reported witnessing him being violent,
and there's no way to prove that he threatened you with violence.
The school board president issued a verbal warning to Karofsky,
and that's where we stand.
I can't go back to being terrified all the time.
I jump every time a locker slams shut. I flinch whenever I turn the corner.
I don't feel safe at the school.
Kids who bully, for the most part, have been bullied themselves.
And I, for one, don't flatter myself that that behavior can change.
Now, this kid Karofsky isn't gonna all of a sudden be nice to you,
and I won't stand by unable to do anything about it.
Effective noon tomorrow, Figgins is back in charge,
as I have tendered my resignation as principal in protest.
I can't help you behind that desk,
but I can be an extra pair of eyes out in those hallways.
Someone ought to have your back.
Besides, I miss my office. This room smells weird.
I can't shake the feeling that I'm inhaling a lot of dead skin.
Well, I guess I'll try to enjoy the rest of the day, before the terror starts anew.
I'll see you at home.
Hey, Kurt. Wait up a second. There's something we want to talk to you about.
[School Bell Rings] [Chattering]
Come on, guys. The wedding was great,
but we have got to get ready for sectionals next week.
Kurt. Good. Oh.
I wanna talk to you about this amazing idea I had for a solo for you at sectionals.
- Can I make an announcement first? - Yeah.
First, I wanted to thank everyone for what you did at my dad's wedding,
especially Finn.
It's nice to know that I have great friends here,
as well as a true brother,
which is why it's so hard for me to leave.
What do you mean "leave"?
I'm transferring to Dalton Academy, immediately.
My parents are using the money they saved up for their honeymoon...
to pay for the tuition.
Kurt, you can't leave.
What the hell, dude? How about you talk with me about this first?
I'm sorry, Finn, but there's nothing to talk about.
Karofsky's coming back tomorrow, so that means I won't be.
We can protect you. Seriously.
- We can form a perimeter around you, like the Secret Service. - Yeah.
The only thing that can really protect me is what they have at Dalton:
A zero-tolerance no bullying policy.
It's enforced.
Um, does this mean that you're gonna be competing against us at sectionals?
Kurt.
I'm sorry. I...
I have to go.
[School Bell Rings]
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Harmonic Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Ends]
English - US - PSDH