1 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,174 - Mr. Schuester! - Yeah? 2 00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,235 I went to the library and I got some sheet music... 3 00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:16,077 and I wanted to run some songs by you that feature me heavily on lead vocal. 4 00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:18,140 Thanks, Rach, but I already got one picked out. 5 00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:22,621 - Let me help you with that. - Thanks, Finn. You're so chivalrous. 6 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,180 - Thanks. That's a good thing, right? - Morning, guys. 7 00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:27,522 - Hey, Mr. Schue. We're just learning some runs. - Oh, yeah? 8 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:30,119 So it goes... # 9 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:32,187 - With the finger, huh? - Pretty fly for a white guy. 10 00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:35,462 Oh, thank you, thank you. Hey, don't be late for rehearsal this afternoon. 11 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,127 - Okay. - All right. 12 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:40,661 - Morning, Kurt. - Buenos nachos, Mr. Schue. 13 00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:43,709 Hey! Let's go Titans. 14 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,711 Yeah. Come on. 15 00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,713 Wait. 16 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,740 One day you will all work for me. 17 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,615 Diana, thank you so much for that apple. 18 00:00:58,691 --> 00:01:02,354 It was very, very nice of you. All right? 19 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:06,093 - Oh! - Oh, Will! Oh, gosh. 20 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:07,724 - Hey, Emma. - Hi. 21 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:12,101 Hey. I wanted to thank you so much for the advice you gave me the other day. 22 00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:15,471 I mean, teaching here and coaching Glee Club... It's where I belong. 23 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:18,636 Oh, it's no problem. I mean, it's what I do. I give counsel and give guidance. 24 00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:20,770 - I'm a guidance counselor. - Yeah, you are. 25 00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,872 - Oh, look. We match. Periwinkle. - Yeah. 26 00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:24,143 Get a room. 27 00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:26,549 Miss Sylvester wants to see you in her office, Mr. Schue. 28 00:01:26,619 --> 00:01:29,747 - She doesn't like to be kept waiting. - You got it. 29 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:38,664 - Hey, Sue. You want to see me? - Hey, buddy. Come on in. 30 00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:41,859 I just blasted my hammies. 31 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,562 Oh. 32 00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:45,570 - Iron tablet? - Uh... 33 00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:48,038 Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating. 34 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,669 - I don't menstruate. - Yeah? Neither do I. 35 00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:54,679 So, I had a little chat with Principal Figgins... 36 00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:57,580 and he said that if your group doesn't place at regionals... 37 00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,481 he's cutting the program. 38 00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:00,712 Ouch. 39 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,153 You don't have to worry about Glee Club. We're gonna be fine. 40 00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:07,922 Really? 'Cause I was at the local library, where I read Cheerleading Today aloud... 41 00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:11,930 to blind geriatrics, and I came across this little page-turner. 42 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:14,899 Show Choir Rule Book. 43 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:18,699 And turns out, you need 12 kids to qualify for regionals. 44 00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:22,070 Last time I looked, you only had five and a half. 45 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,235 Here. Cripple in the wheelchair. 46 00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:28,041 I also took the liberty of highlighting some special ed classes for you. 47 00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:30,207 Maybe you could find some recruits. 48 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:33,741 'Cause I'm not sure there's anybody else who's gonna wanna swim over... 49 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,119 to your island of misfit toys. 50 00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:40,921 - Are you threatening me, Sue? - Threatening you? 51 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:45,658 Oh, no, no, no. Presenting you with an opportunity to compromise yourself? 52 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,600 You betcha. 53 00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:51,627 Let's break it down. 54 00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:54,366 You want to be creative. You want to be in the spotlight. 55 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,874 Face it. You want to be me. 56 00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,740 So here's the deal. 57 00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:01,803 You do with your depressing little group of kids... 58 00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:04,816 what I did with my wealthy, elderly mother. 59 00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:07,819 Euthanize it. It's time. 60 00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:11,379 And then I'll be happy to offer you a job as my second assistant on Cheerios. 61 00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:15,257 You can fetch me Gatorade and launder my soiled delicates. 62 00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:17,558 It'll be very rewarding work for you. 63 00:03:17,630 --> 00:03:21,794 You know what, Sue? I politely decline your offer. 64 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:25,099 Glee Club is here to stay. I believe in my kids. 65 00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:28,106 I know you're used to being the cock of the walk around here. 66 00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:29,505 Offensive. 67 00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:32,101 But it looks like your Cheerios are gonna have some competition. 68 00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:36,512 We're gonna show at regionals. You have my word on that. 69 00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:39,178 Have a good day. 70 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,788 We are in line to be the most popular kids in the school... 71 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,521 - over the next couple years. - Yeah. I know. 72 00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,393 Prom king and queen. Homecoming court royalty. 73 00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:54,695 I am not giving up those shiny crowns just so you can express yourself. 74 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:57,463 Look, you're making too big a deal out of this. 75 00:03:57,537 --> 00:04:00,438 Okay. Let's compromise. 76 00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:04,203 If you quit the club, I'll let you touch my breast. 77 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,711 - Under the shirt? - Over the bra. 78 00:04:08,381 --> 00:04:12,112 No, no. I can't. 79 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,710 I want to do Glee. I'm really happy when I'm performing. 80 00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:18,223 People think you're gay now, Finn. And you know what that makes me? 81 00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:22,352 - Your big gay beard. - Look. L-I gotta go to class. Okay? 82 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:25,522 Just relax. Everything's gonna work out. 83 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,594 Eavesdrop much? 84 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:33,661 Time for some girl talk, man hands. 85 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:37,676 You can dance with him. You can sing with him. But you will never have him. 86 00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:41,009 I understand why you'd be threatened. Finn and I have made a connection. 87 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,538 But I'm an honorable person. I don't need to steal your man. 88 00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,949 I have plenty of suitors of my own. 89 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:50,353 Every day Glee's status is going up, and yours is going down. Deal with it. 90 00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:55,353 - Awesome. - Holla! 91 00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:57,392 #Ah, freak out # 92 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:58,930 # Le freak, c'est chic # 93 00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:01,398 - # Freak out # - Energy, guys! It's disco. 94 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:04,334 # Le freak, c'est chic Ah, freak out # 95 00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:07,498 - Good with the hands. John Travolta hands. All right. - # Le freak, c'est chic # 96 00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:09,507 - We're freaking out. Let's go. - # Freak out # 97 00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:11,406 # Le freak, c'est chic # 98 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,945 - And up and out and down. Good. - # Have you heard # 99 00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:16,208 - Good. Good. Good, guys. - #A bout the new dance craze # 100 00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:20,548 # Listen to us I'm sure you'll be amazed # 101 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:23,418 - # Big fun # - Whoa, whoa! Hell to the nah! 102 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:28,051 First of all, you try to bust my face again, and I will cut you! 103 00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:30,118 And, also, this song is terrible. 104 00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:33,029 No, no, no. It's not the song. You guys just need to get into it. 105 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:36,364 - No, it's the song. It's really gay. - We need modern music, Mr. Schue. 106 00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:40,065 I'm sorry, guys. We don't have time to discuss this. 107 00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:43,404 - We're doing this song this Friday at the pep assembly. - In front of the whole school? 108 00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:44,909 Exactly. 109 00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:47,639 They're gonna throw fruit at us. And I just had a facial. 110 00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:50,182 - I'll press charges if that happens. - Guys. 111 00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:53,241 I can't express to you how important this assembly is. 112 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,981 We need recruits. There are six of you. 113 00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:58,182 We need 12 to qualify for regionals. 114 00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:01,192 We have no choice, or the club is over. 115 00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:03,194 I know you guys don't like this song... 116 00:06:03,262 --> 00:06:06,163 but we took nationals back in '93 with "Freak Out." 117 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:10,168 It's a crowd-pleaser. Trust me. From the top. 118 00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:12,170 I'm dead. 119 00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:23,712 My father always said you become a man when you buy your first house. 120 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,717 I'm not sure what he meant by that... 121 00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:28,345 since he burned ours down once after a drunken fight with Mom. 122 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,981 Welcome to your little slice of the American dream. 123 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,218 I have a question about the trees. 124 00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:37,319 It's always been my personal dream to cut down my own Christmas tree. 125 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,729 How many Christmas trees will we have in the backyard? 126 00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,596 And do they come in different colors? 127 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,192 Because, well, obviously we're expecting a family. 128 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,135 I have a real sense it might be a girl. 129 00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:50,539 Still, I can't believe we're actually doing this. It all happened so fast. 130 00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:57,348 It all started when Terri's sister Kendra brought her kids over for Sunday brunch. 131 00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,716 Well, I just don't understand where you're planning on putting the nursery. 132 00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,153 - I know. - Well, we have a second bedroom. 133 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:06,988 You are not giving up your craft room, Terri. A mother needs her respite. 134 00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:09,254 That craft room is the only thing that's gonna keep you from going... 135 00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:12,126 all Susan Smith on that little angel. 136 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,393 Postpartum runs in our family. 137 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,059 Where are you going? 138 00:07:16,135 --> 00:07:18,535 Bathroom. All that bran. 139 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:21,869 No, you can't. Kyle needs his inhaler. 140 00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:26,307 Anyway, this conversation is over. 141 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:29,644 They're starting construction on a new section of our subdivision. 142 00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:33,879 - - You are not bringing my niece or nephew home to this apartment. 143 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,420 When pigs fly. 144 00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,719 Can I eat this? 145 00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:44,120 This banister was made by Ecuadorean children. 146 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:47,098 It's great, Terri, but there are nine foreclosures on our street. 147 00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:49,134 Why can't we buy one of those? They're half the price. 148 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:53,195 I'm not raising my baby in a used house. They're not clean. 149 00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:56,400 Look at the sun nook. Isn't it beautiful? 150 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,535 - Is it extra? - Mmm. 151 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:00,977 The price in the brochure is for the basic model. 152 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,242 Everything else is ŕ la carte. 153 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:08,777 The grand foyer is an extra 14,000, and the sun nook is an extra 24. 154 00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:11,790 I'll let you two talk. 155 00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,826 - Thank you. - Thank you. Hmm. 156 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,660 We can't afford this. 157 00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:21,029 We already did the math, Will. All we have to do is give up Applebee's... 158 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,068 and we won't run the A.C. For the first couple of summers. 159 00:08:23,135 --> 00:08:26,366 Well, we certainly can't afford the grand foyer and the sun nook. 160 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,772 I mean, if we bite off more than we can chew, we'll lose everything. 161 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,833 You need to pick one. 162 00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:35,312 Come with me. I'm gonna show you something really special. 163 00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:38,373 This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep. 164 00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,715 I thought maybe we could put one of those mini pianos in here... 165 00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:43,721 and you two could put on shows for me. 166 00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:46,952 I love it, Terri, but we still can't afford everything. 167 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:52,789 It's my very own Sophie's choice. 168 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:58,030 Fine. I'm gonna give up the sun nook for the grand foyer. 169 00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,038 But I really need the polished door handles. 170 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:04,542 Think of our family, Will. This is our dream. 171 00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:07,704 I knew in that moment that I would do whatever it took... 172 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:11,011 even if it meant getting a part-timejob to make some extra money... 173 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:13,711 to make that dream come true. 174 00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:15,777 Let's go sign those papers. 175 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,448 Yes! 176 00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:21,354 - You need to call me before you dress yourself. - Whatever. Whatever. 177 00:09:21,427 --> 00:09:23,418 - You look like a Technicolor zebra. - You're a hater. That's what you are. 178 00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,361 - I look like I'm a part of it. - You're trying to copy me. 179 00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,365 - It looks like I planned it. - If your hair was longer, you'd have curls. 180 00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:29,367 All right, guys. How about a little Kanye? 181 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:30,993 Sweet! 182 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:33,334 - For the assembly? - No. We won't be ready in time. 183 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,239 We're still doing disco. But we can fold this into our repertoire... 184 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:39,107 and it'll be awesome at regionals. 185 00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:42,875 Communication is the foundation of any successful music group. 186 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:45,543 If we're gonna succeed, we need to communicate. 187 00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:47,586 You guys said you wanted modern music, I listened. 188 00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:51,521 Mr. Schue, we'd really like to not do disco at that assembly. 189 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,754 - Finn, you're gonna take the solo. - What? No, I can't do the solo, Mr. Schue. 190 00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:57,819 I'm still learning how to walk and sing at the same time. 191 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,159 No problem. I'll walk you through it. 192 00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:04,862 - Ooh! - Challenge. 193 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:08,100 - Hey, Mercedes, you know this? - Oh, I got this. 194 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,939 #She take my money # 195 00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,004 #When I'm in need # 196 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:19,210 #Yeah, she's a triflin' # 197 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,219 # Friend indeed # 198 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,017 #Oh, she's a gold digger # 199 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,558 #W ay over town # 200 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,558 #T hat digs on me # 201 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,258 - # She give me money # - # Now, I ain't sayin'she a gold digger# 202 00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:35,698 - # When I'm in need # - # But she ain't messin'with no broke, broke # 203 00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:38,737 - #She give me money # - #Now, I ain't sayin'she a gold digger# 204 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,772 - #When I'm in need # - #But she ain't messin'with no broke, broke # 205 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,241 - # I gotta leave # - #Get down, girl, go ahead, get down # 206 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,437 - # I gotta leave # - #Get down, girl, go ahead, get down # 207 00:10:46,512 --> 00:10:49,174 - # I gotta leave # - #Get down, girl, go ahead, get down # 208 00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,079 - # I gotta leave # - #Get down, girl, go ahead # 209 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,380 - #She give me money # - #Cutie the bomb met her at a beauty salon # 210 00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:56,853 - #When I'm in need # - #W ith a baby Louis Vuitton under her underarm # 211 00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:59,220 - #She give me money # - #I can tell you rock, I can tell by ya charm # 212 00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:02,590 - #When I'm in need # - #Far as girls, you got a flock, I can tell by your charm and your arm # 213 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:06,154 - #But I'm lookin'for the one Have you seen her# - # No, we ain't seen her # 214 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:09,633 - #She give me money # - #Now, I ain't sayin'she a gold digger# 215 00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:12,000 - #W hen I'm in need # - #But she ain't messin'with no broke, broke # 216 00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:14,699 - #She give me money # - #Now, I ain't sayin'she a gold digger, uh # 217 00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:17,265 - #W hen I'm in need # - #But she ain't messin'with no broke, broke # 218 00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,210 - # I gotta leave # - #Get down, girl, go ahead, get down # 219 00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:22,941 - # I gotta leave # - #Get down, girl, go ahead, get down # 220 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,540 - # I gotta leave # - #Get down, girl, go ahead, get down # 221 00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,142 - # I gotta leave # - #Get down, girl, go ahead # 222 00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:30,120 - #She give me money # - #Eighteen years, 18 years # 223 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,657 - #W hen I'm in need # - #She got one of your kids Got you for 18 years # 224 00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:35,558 - #She give me money # - #I know somebody payin'child support for one ofhis kids # 225 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:38,290 - #W hen I'm in need # - #His baby mama car crib is bigger than his # 226 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,299 #You will see him on TV any given Sunday # 227 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,631 - #I gotta leave # - #W in a Super Bowl and drive off in a Hyundai # 228 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,103 - #I gotta leave # #She was supposed to buy your shorty Tyco with your money # 229 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,697 - # I gotta leave # - #She went to the doctor Got lipo with your money # 230 00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:51,334 #She walkin'round looking like Michael with your money # 231 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:54,777 - #Should have got that insured GEICO for your money # - #She give me money # 232 00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:58,408 #If you ain't no punk, holla We want prenup # 233 00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:00,679 #We want prenup # Yeah! 234 00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,850 All right, just like that. Ready? 235 00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,899 - Rachel, did you just throw up? - No. 236 00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:24,738 You missed the toilet. 237 00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:27,540 The girl who was throwing up before me left that. 238 00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:31,242 I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex. 239 00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:33,410 One day when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift. 240 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,477 Let's have a little chat, okay? 241 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:55,739 Rachel, bulimia is a very messy, serious disease. 242 00:12:55,808 --> 00:13:01,178 I don't have bulimia. I tried it and failed and won't ever attempt it again. 243 00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:03,340 - Okay. - Grossed me out. 244 00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,940 Okay. But I still want to talk about the feelings that you had... 245 00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:08,248 that led up to you wanting to puke your guts out. 246 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,880 I want to be thinner. 247 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:14,756 - Prettier, like that Quinn girl. - Mm-hmm. And, um, why is that? 248 00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,819 Have you ever liked somebody so much you just wanna... 249 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,730 Iock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry? 250 00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:25,368 No. 251 00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:28,770 #All by my # 252 00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:31,901 - #Self# - By myself! I'm by myself! 253 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,911 # Don't wanna be # 254 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:38,416 Uh, but a boy crush, huh? I know about that. 255 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:42,477 I mean, not now. It takes me back in the... Like a long time ago, I knew about that. 256 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:45,353 You know what? You need to remember, Rachel, to protect your heart. 257 00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:48,484 I don't care who he is. If he doesn't like you for the way you are... 258 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:51,496 If he's... you know, he's married with a baby on the way... 259 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:56,592 That's not worth the heartache. You don't want to compromise yourself for that. 260 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,569 Um... 261 00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:02,198 Have you just tried telling him how you feel? 262 00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:04,936 He doesn't even notice me. 263 00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:09,971 I see. Um... Okay. Well, here's what I think. 264 00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:13,018 Common interests are the key to romance. 265 00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:17,385 All right? So find out what he likes. Then he'll see you in a positive way... 266 00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:20,118 and maybe you'll end up doing something that you never would have expected. 267 00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:39,305 Would you like to tell Principal Figgins and Mr. Schuester... 268 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,505 what I caught you two doing? 269 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:44,071 It just sort of happened. 270 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,349 I don't mean to be rude, but I think she's overreacting. 271 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,820 You watch your tone, young lady. 272 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,358 Gay parents encourage rebellion. There are studies on this. 273 00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:56,952 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, tell me what happened, Rachel. 274 00:14:57,029 --> 00:15:00,192 Finn was worried about having to perform a solo at the pep assembly... 275 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,496 in front of his chromosomally challenged friends. 276 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,036 I was immediately concerned by his lack of self-esteem... 277 00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,095 and made a creative preemptive strike. 278 00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,140 Yeah, pretty much what she said. 279 00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:12,268 You know, one of the amazing things about being in the performing arts... 280 00:15:12,344 --> 00:15:14,574 is that you can parlay it into so many different fields. 281 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,581 LikeJustin Timberlake... 282 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,947 He's a singer, but he also has a clothing line. 283 00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:23,421 And, you know, he makes things like shirts and belts. 284 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:26,117 - Who's Justin Timberlake? - It was a twofold plan. 285 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:28,659 We figured that with the right marketing strategy... 286 00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:31,525 we could pull from the entire student body without having an assembly... 287 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,531 thus creating the diverse Glee Club... 288 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,363 this school has been craving. 289 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,903 That copy machine is for Cheerios use only. 290 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:48,071 Paid for by alumni donations. 291 00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:50,411 I can't begin to fathom the damage... 292 00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:53,315 you'd have done to the program had you broken it. 293 00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:56,513 - Hold on a second, Sue. - I resent being told to hold on to anything, William. 294 00:15:56,588 --> 00:15:59,819 I will not be treated like a second-class citizen because of my gender. 295 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:03,589 There is a very clear bureaucracy when it comes to photocopies... 296 00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:07,689 and you seem to think that these procedures don't apply to your students. 297 00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:10,667 It is my strong recommendation that both these students be hobbled. 298 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:16,907 - How many copies did you guys make? - Seventeen. 299 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:21,037 - Okay. And how much does a photocopy cost? - Four and a half cents. 300 00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:24,014 - How about they just pay for the copies? - I like this compromise. 301 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:28,281 Children, pay Ms. Sylvester, and we'll let you off with a warning. 302 00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:31,187 And, Sue, I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you... 303 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:34,521 to personally clean the congealed protein shake off the photocopy room floor. 304 00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:36,220 That's why we have janitors. 305 00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:38,627 Sue, we're in a recession, and concessions must be made. 306 00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:40,790 I've laid off half the janitorial staff. 307 00:16:40,866 --> 00:16:43,357 We all need to lend a hand. 308 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:52,007 LadyJustice wept today. 309 00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:57,645 - I'm sorry about that, Mr. Schue. - I'd like to get the flyers up... 310 00:16:57,716 --> 00:17:00,116 - before lunch tomorrow. - You know what, guys? I don't want to hear it. 311 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,983 Doing that song is gonna kill any chance the Glee Club has. 312 00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:05,250 - It's a terrible idea. - I have news for you, Rachel. 313 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:07,588 Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. 314 00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:10,787 We're doing the assembly, and you're not putting up those flyers. 315 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,058 Everybody loves disco! 316 00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:18,159 It's official. I'm a dead man. 317 00:17:20,005 --> 00:17:24,965 Look, I know you're nervous, but you're really, really talented. 318 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,536 - Stop it. - I mean, maybe it'll all be okay. 319 00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:33,785 Do you want to practice for the assembly tomorrow after school? 320 00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,979 I can't. I got a Celibacy Club meeting. 321 00:17:43,028 --> 00:17:46,555 Baby, I have some bad news. 322 00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,657 A wealthy relative died? 323 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,964 - I don't have any wealthy relatives. - Oh. 324 00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:53,698 I've just been pounding the pavement all week after Glee rehearsal. 325 00:17:53,772 --> 00:17:56,900 L-I can't find any extra work. 326 00:17:56,975 --> 00:18:00,433 That probably means no grand foyer. 327 00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:03,208 Why can't we ever be the ones to catch a break? 328 00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:05,216 No, no, no. It's going to be okay, baby. 329 00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:08,014 - I mean, we don't need a grand foyer to be happy. - No. You know what? 330 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,612 I'm so tired of the compromising. 331 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:13,157 I want my grand foyer. I want my dream house. 332 00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:16,490 I work hard. I sacrifice. I deserve it. 333 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:20,896 You know, we give and we give. 334 00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:22,900 Do you think that the big shots at Sheets 'N' Things care... 335 00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:25,994 that I sell more personal massagers than any other assistant manager? 336 00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,164 No. Or do you think that those kids... 337 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,004 that they give a damn that we go with so little... 338 00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:33,010 because you spend all your spare time... 339 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:36,206 choreographing those stupid dance routines? 340 00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:39,842 I mean, when does anyone start giving back? 341 00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:02,931 I thought you asked Sue to clean up after herself. 342 00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:05,169 Sue got a note from the school nurse... 343 00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:09,874 claiming that her lupus made it impossible to bend over a bucket of suds. 344 00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:13,907 I've been here till 10:00 p.m. Every night, up to my elbows in Vamoose! 345 00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:22,056 Any problem with me taking over one of those nighttime janitorial slots? 346 00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:26,293 I'll work at half salary. 347 00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:36,606 The Celibacy Club is now in session. 348 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:39,803 Thanks to a school rule that says we have to let anyone join the club... 349 00:19:39,878 --> 00:19:43,541 we're welcoming a new member this week... 350 00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:45,549 Rachel What's-her-name. 351 00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:48,245 - Where are all the boys? - Down the hall. 352 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,254 First half hour we separate... 353 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:52,586 then we come together to share our faith. 354 00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:56,560 I'm still on the fence about the Celibacy Club. 355 00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:59,995 I mean, I onlyjoined to get into Quinn Fabray's pants. 356 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,898 Still, it is a productive way for us guys... 357 00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:04,959 to get together and talk about sexual issues. 358 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:08,268 I think I'm gonna kill myself. I'm serious. 359 00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:12,868 We're bombarded with sexual imagery every day... Beer ads, those short skirts. 360 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,936 I'm supposed to be surrounded by temptation... 361 00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:18,813 - Not be able to do anything about it? - Are you kidding? 362 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:21,614 Those skirts are crunchy toast. 363 00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:24,178 Santana Lopez bent over in hers the other day... 364 00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,622 and I swear I could see her ovaries. 365 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,628 God bless the perv that invented these. 366 00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,630 Remember the power motto, girls. 367 00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:35,895 It's all about the teasing, and not about the pleasing. 368 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:39,267 - Oh! - Back it up like a dump truck, baby! 369 00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,499 So, how far does Quinn let you get anyway? 370 00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:44,167 We grind, make out. 371 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,644 But how do you keep from arriving early? 372 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,204 Whenever I grind... 373 00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:52,250 Cinco de Mayo. 374 00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:55,218 It's not a problem for me, man. 375 00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,113 Actually, it's a big problem. 376 00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:01,921 Somebody once told me that to keep from erupting too early... 377 00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,928 you should think of dead kittens and stuff. 378 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,930 But the only image that works for me happened... 379 00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:08,466 the day my mom took me out to practice for my driver's permit. 380 00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:12,765 Pretty good, honey. Who says a father figure's necessary, huh? 381 00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:14,328 - Driving's fun. - Yeah. 382 00:21:14,406 --> 00:21:17,034 Oh, my God! 383 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,304 Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, my God, you killed him. What are you gonna do? 384 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:24,248 Let's pair up for the "Immaculate Affection." 385 00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:27,251 Now, remember, if the balloon pops... 386 00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:29,810 the noise makes the angels cry. 387 00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:46,198 - You enchant me. - Yeah. 388 00:21:46,271 --> 00:21:49,365 - Just stop it! - Take it. Ah, yeah! 389 00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:52,933 - Finn! - It must have hit my zipper. 390 00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:56,447 You know what? This is a joke. 391 00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:58,983 Did you know that most studies have demonstrated... 392 00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:01,110 that celibacy doesn't work in high schools? 393 00:22:01,186 --> 00:22:04,383 Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. 394 00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:06,390 The second we start telling ourselves... 395 00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:08,392 that there's no room for compromise, we act out. 396 00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:11,190 The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. 397 00:22:11,263 --> 00:22:13,197 That's what contraception is for. 398 00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:15,233 Don't you dare mention the "C" word. 399 00:22:16,301 --> 00:22:18,292 You want to know a dirty little secret... 400 00:22:18,370 --> 00:22:20,930 that none of them want you to know? 401 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:23,099 Girls want sex just as much as guys do. 402 00:22:27,779 --> 00:22:29,747 L-Is that accurate? 403 00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:41,415 - Will? - Aaah! 404 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:44,485 Emma... What are you doing here so late? 405 00:22:45,797 --> 00:22:47,992 I do S.A.T. Prep on Tuesday nights. 406 00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:50,091 Are you, um... Are you a janitor? 407 00:22:50,168 --> 00:22:52,136 Aja... no. 408 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:56,971 Really? 'Cause you're dressed like a janitor, and your shirt says "Will." 409 00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:59,840 Um, Terri and I are trying to buy a house... 410 00:22:59,911 --> 00:23:02,471 and we're, you know, struggling to make ends meet, and... 411 00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:07,082 I'm really embarrassed. 412 00:23:09,454 --> 00:23:11,422 Would you mind keeping this between us? 413 00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:13,424 Yeah. 414 00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:16,689 Oh, yeah, your secret's completely safe with me. 415 00:23:16,762 --> 00:23:18,457 Thank you. 416 00:23:19,531 --> 00:23:21,590 Do you, um... Do you want a hand? 417 00:23:21,666 --> 00:23:23,793 Oh... No. L-I'm good, really. 418 00:23:23,869 --> 00:23:26,099 Really? Because I can see from here... 419 00:23:26,171 --> 00:23:28,105 that you've used window cleaner to mop the floor. 420 00:23:28,173 --> 00:23:30,664 And, uh, that keyboard is crawling in E. Coli... 421 00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:32,710 because I know for a fact Ms. Hoffmeyer... 422 00:23:32,778 --> 00:23:35,178 doesn't wash her hands after doing number twos. 423 00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:41,584 I really admire you working so hard for something you want. 424 00:23:43,321 --> 00:23:45,812 Let's make a deal. You're helping me with my problem. 425 00:23:45,891 --> 00:23:47,882 How about I take a stab at one of yours? 426 00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:51,395 Oh, no, I don't... I don't have a problem. 427 00:23:51,463 --> 00:23:54,023 You've been scrubbing that pencil sharpener for an hour. 428 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:56,033 Well, I mean, I have... 429 00:23:56,101 --> 00:24:00,970 I have a little trouble with messes, but it's not like it's a problem. 430 00:24:05,811 --> 00:24:07,779 Okay. 431 00:24:07,846 --> 00:24:11,748 When I was a little girl, it was my dream to work on a dairy farm. 432 00:24:11,817 --> 00:24:16,083 - Really? - Yeah. And when I was eight, we finally visited one... 433 00:24:16,154 --> 00:24:18,520 and after the tour and the yogurt tasting... 434 00:24:18,590 --> 00:24:22,253 my... my brother pushed me into the runoff lagoon. 435 00:24:22,327 --> 00:24:26,058 - What? - And, um, ever since then, I've just... 436 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:29,999 I've had a little trouble forgetting the, uh... the smell. 437 00:24:32,204 --> 00:24:35,264 Have you thought about... I don't know... maybe seeing someone about that? 438 00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:37,501 Oh, no. It's completely manageable. 439 00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:41,103 You know, I just... I take lots of showers and I, um... You know, I don't eat dairy. 440 00:24:41,179 --> 00:24:43,113 So it's... 441 00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:46,841 I want to try... 442 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,854 - a little experiment. - Oh, no. 443 00:24:50,922 --> 00:24:55,586 No, I'm not really, um, comfortable with... with that... 444 00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:09,768 There. 445 00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:12,105 Ten seconds. 446 00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:14,270 New record. 447 00:25:18,116 --> 00:25:20,516 It's late. I should, um... 448 00:25:20,585 --> 00:25:23,349 I should be, um, going. 449 00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:36,299 I officially call this meeting of Glee Club in session. 450 00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:38,495 - But Mr. Schuester isn't here. - Mr. Schuester isn't coming. 451 00:25:38,570 --> 00:25:41,004 I paid a freshman to ask him for help with irregular verbs. 452 00:25:41,072 --> 00:25:44,633 Ugh! I'm so sick ofhearing you squawk, Eva Perón. 453 00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:46,643 Let her talk. 454 00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:50,840 I have another idea for the assembly. 455 00:25:50,916 --> 00:25:54,079 Can I, once again, stress my most strenuous objections to this attempted suicide? 456 00:25:54,152 --> 00:25:56,985 They're not gonna kill us... Because we're gonna give them what they want. 457 00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:58,989 - Blood? - Better. 458 00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:01,685 Sex. 459 00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:06,824 Silence, children. Silence. 460 00:26:06,898 --> 00:26:09,298 First, an announcement. 461 00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:11,927 The toilets are broken again. 462 00:26:12,003 --> 00:26:15,734 We are fixing the problem. But let me warn you... 463 00:26:15,807 --> 00:26:20,608 there will be zero tolerance for anyone soiling school grounds. 464 00:26:20,679 --> 00:26:23,546 We're not going to have a repeat oflast time. 465 00:26:23,615 --> 00:26:26,880 We have a treat for you guys today. 466 00:26:26,952 --> 00:26:29,978 - Mr. Schuester. - Yea, Glee! 467 00:26:30,055 --> 00:26:32,990 - Glee kids, hooray! - Uh, hi. 468 00:26:33,058 --> 00:26:37,222 Uh, when I went to school here, Glee Club ruled this place. 469 00:26:37,295 --> 00:26:39,229 And we're on our way back. 470 00:26:39,297 --> 00:26:41,128 But we need some recruits tojoin the party. 471 00:26:41,199 --> 00:26:46,569 Now, I could tell you all about how great Glee is, but, uh... 472 00:26:46,638 --> 00:26:50,039 I think I'm gonna let some friends of mine show you instead. 473 00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:58,378 #Get up on this # 474 00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:00,680 #Get up on this # 475 00:27:00,752 --> 00:27:04,051 #Baby, baby B- Baby, baby # 476 00:27:04,122 --> 00:27:05,919 #Ooh, baby, baby # 477 00:27:05,991 --> 00:27:07,891 #B-Baby, baby # 478 00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:10,587 - #Get up on this # - Hey! 479 00:27:10,662 --> 00:27:13,392 - #Get up on this # - #P ush it # 480 00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:16,229 #Sa-Sa-Sa-Salt-N-Pepa's here # 481 00:27:16,301 --> 00:27:18,326 Now, wait a minute, y'all. 482 00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:20,337 Now, this dance ain't for everybody. 483 00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:24,205 Only the sexy people. 484 00:27:24,275 --> 00:27:26,209 So all you fly mothers... 485 00:27:26,277 --> 00:27:28,268 get on out there and dance. 486 00:27:28,346 --> 00:27:30,712 - Dance, I said! Holla. - #Sa-Salt-N-Pepa's here # 487 00:27:30,782 --> 00:27:34,513 #And we're in effect Want you to push it, babe # 488 00:27:34,586 --> 00:27:37,578 #Coolin' by day Then at night workin' up a sweat # 489 00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:40,955 #Come on, girls Let's go show the guys that we know # 490 00:27:41,026 --> 00:27:44,757 #How to become number one in a hot party show # 491 00:27:44,829 --> 00:27:47,354 - #Now, push it # - # Push it # 492 00:27:47,432 --> 00:27:51,129 - #P ush it good # - #A h, push it # 493 00:27:51,202 --> 00:27:55,070 - # Push it real good # - #A h, push it # 494 00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:58,598 - # Push it good # - #A h, push it # 495 00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:02,306 - #P u-Push it real good # - #A h, push it # 496 00:28:02,380 --> 00:28:04,940 - # Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh # - # Get up on this # 497 00:28:05,016 --> 00:28:07,883 - Hey! - #Get up on this # 498 00:28:07,952 --> 00:28:11,251 #Yo, baby pop, yeah, you Come here, give me a kiss # 499 00:28:11,322 --> 00:28:15,122 #Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed # 500 00:28:15,193 --> 00:28:17,286 #Can you hear the music pumpin' hard # 501 00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:20,126 # Like I wish you would Now push it # 502 00:28:20,198 --> 00:28:23,565 - #A h, push it # - # Push it good # 503 00:28:23,635 --> 00:28:26,661 - #A h, push it # - # Push it real good # 504 00:28:26,738 --> 00:28:31,072 - #A h, push it # - # Push it good # 505 00:28:31,142 --> 00:28:34,634 - #A h, push it # - # Pu-Push it real good # 506 00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:36,442 #Ah, push it # 507 00:28:36,514 --> 00:28:38,311 #Get up on this # 508 00:28:38,383 --> 00:28:41,011 #Ah, push it # 509 00:28:41,086 --> 00:28:43,452 - #Get up on this # - Holla! 510 00:28:43,521 --> 00:28:47,287 - #Get up on this # - #A h, push it # 511 00:28:47,358 --> 00:28:49,849 - Hey! - #A h, push it # 512 00:28:53,698 --> 00:28:56,132 Yes! 513 00:29:08,246 --> 00:29:12,012 Let me be the one to break the silence. 514 00:29:12,083 --> 00:29:16,281 That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching... 515 00:29:16,354 --> 00:29:19,323 And that includes an elementary school production of Hair. 516 00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:22,621 We've received angry e-mails from a number of concerned parents... 517 00:29:22,694 --> 00:29:25,527 many of whom thought that their children were going to hear... 518 00:29:25,597 --> 00:29:28,896 a Special Olympian speak about overcoming adversity. 519 00:29:28,967 --> 00:29:31,162 L-I really don't know what to say. 520 00:29:31,236 --> 00:29:33,704 Well, let me help you out then. 521 00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:37,708 My first thought was that your students should be put into foster care. 522 00:29:39,544 --> 00:29:41,774 But you're the one who should be punished. 523 00:29:41,846 --> 00:29:44,314 I demand your resignation from this school... 524 00:29:44,382 --> 00:29:47,715 as well as the disbanding of Glee Club. 525 00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:51,552 Now, hold on, Sue. The issue is content. Those kids are talented. 526 00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:54,649 And I have not seen the student body this excited... 527 00:29:54,726 --> 00:29:57,524 since Tiffany performed at the North Hills Mall. 528 00:29:58,763 --> 00:30:01,095 I took the liberty of calling my pastor... 529 00:30:01,166 --> 00:30:03,691 to provide a list of family-friendly songs... 530 00:30:03,768 --> 00:30:05,998 that reflect our community's values. 531 00:30:06,070 --> 00:30:08,561 Your kids can only perform these preapproved musical selections. 532 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:13,236 But all these songs have either "Jesus" or "balloons" in the title. 533 00:30:13,311 --> 00:30:15,336 But there are also songs about the circus. 534 00:30:15,413 --> 00:30:19,747 This egg is sunny-side up, Will. You need new outfits. 535 00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:22,013 I got several flashes of panty from your group today... 536 00:30:22,086 --> 00:30:24,577 and I'm not talking about the girls. 537 00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:27,420 So, Sue, I'm cutting your dry-cleaning budget... 538 00:30:27,492 --> 00:30:29,858 to pay for new costumes for the Glee Club. 539 00:30:29,928 --> 00:30:33,386 - This will not stand. - Oh, Sue. 540 00:30:33,464 --> 00:30:36,365 The dry-cleaners here are just as good as the ones in Europe. 541 00:30:45,376 --> 00:30:48,641 - Mr. Schuester, I'm so sorry. - Do you understand what you did today? 542 00:30:48,713 --> 00:30:50,681 You lied to me. And you ruined our chances. 543 00:30:50,748 --> 00:30:53,615 No parent in their right mind is gonna let their kid join Glee now. 544 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:56,210 Oh, and, uh, here's a list of the songs that we're allowed to sing. 545 00:30:56,287 --> 00:30:58,380 What's a "Luftballon"? 546 00:30:58,456 --> 00:31:00,947 Look, I know how much you care about Glee Club... 547 00:31:01,025 --> 00:31:03,653 and I understand why you did what you did... 548 00:31:03,728 --> 00:31:06,754 but I don't like the way you did it. 549 00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:29,816 They're for Tulip-A-Looza. 550 00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:31,879 It's a tulip festival down at the Columbus Convention Center. 551 00:31:31,956 --> 00:31:34,424 - It's supposed to smell pretty nice. - That's really sweet of you... 552 00:31:34,492 --> 00:31:37,154 but I have... a-asthma. 553 00:31:38,229 --> 00:31:41,164 What are you doing? Chasing a married guy. 554 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,925 I saw you playing house with him after hours, Emma. 555 00:31:45,003 --> 00:31:48,769 Look. I don't know a lot about relationships. 556 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,206 Most of mine are short and flame out once the sex goes... 557 00:31:51,276 --> 00:31:53,506 but I do know you never want to be the rebounder. 558 00:31:55,346 --> 00:31:57,280 I'm a good man, Emma. 559 00:31:57,348 --> 00:31:59,680 I'll treat you right. I'll put up with all your crazy. 560 00:31:59,751 --> 00:32:01,844 They can't fire me 'cause I'm a minority... 561 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,649 so I'll always be able to provide for you. 562 00:32:03,721 --> 00:32:05,621 You could do a lot worse... 563 00:32:05,690 --> 00:32:08,284 and in this town, you're not gonna do much better. 564 00:32:09,694 --> 00:32:11,662 Okay, I'm done talking now. 565 00:32:17,101 --> 00:32:19,035 - Try it. - # La # 566 00:32:19,103 --> 00:32:20,035 - Good. - That was good. 567 00:32:20,104 --> 00:32:23,073 - Okay, one more up. - # La # 568 00:32:23,141 --> 00:32:24,802 - That was really good. - Is that okay? 569 00:32:24,876 --> 00:32:28,744 Yeah, it's like the holy grail for a baritenor, so it's a good note. 570 00:32:28,813 --> 00:32:32,010 All right, I'll start at the bottom, and then we'll go up higher. 571 00:32:32,083 --> 00:32:34,244 Can we take a break? Singing kind of makes me a little hungry. 572 00:32:34,319 --> 00:32:37,345 Yeah, yeah, sure. Lucky I prepared for that. 573 00:32:37,422 --> 00:32:39,686 Wow. I was wondering what that was all about. 574 00:32:39,757 --> 00:32:43,022 - Want to sit? - Yeah, yeah. 575 00:32:43,094 --> 00:32:45,028 Absolutely. 576 00:32:45,096 --> 00:32:48,224 I was wondering why you asked me to help you with your singing. 577 00:32:48,299 --> 00:32:51,200 You kicked butt at the assembly. 578 00:32:51,269 --> 00:32:55,933 Well, this is my only chance to be, you know, good like you. 579 00:32:57,508 --> 00:32:59,100 You think I'm good? 580 00:32:59,177 --> 00:33:01,611 Well, when I first joined, I thought you were kind of insane. 581 00:33:01,679 --> 00:33:04,113 You talk a lot more than you should, and to be honest with you... 582 00:33:04,182 --> 00:33:08,209 I looked under the bed and made sure that you weren't hanging out under there. 583 00:33:09,487 --> 00:33:11,546 But then I heard you sing. 584 00:33:11,622 --> 00:33:15,023 I don't know how to say this, but you touched something in me. 585 00:33:16,194 --> 00:33:18,719 Right here. 586 00:33:19,964 --> 00:33:23,058 Your heart's on the other side of your chest. 587 00:33:23,134 --> 00:33:25,830 Oh. 588 00:33:25,903 --> 00:33:28,030 It's beating really hard. 589 00:33:30,108 --> 00:33:32,474 You're cool, Rachel. 590 00:33:33,544 --> 00:33:35,535 - Do you want a drink? - Yeah. 591 00:33:37,715 --> 00:33:41,116 - Virgin Cosmos. - Cool. 592 00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:43,745 That stuff you said at the Celibacy Club... That was really cool. 593 00:33:43,821 --> 00:33:45,652 Thanks. 594 00:33:46,691 --> 00:33:50,593 - Well, cheers. - Cheers. 595 00:33:50,661 --> 00:33:53,630 Cups are like the airplane cups. 596 00:33:57,502 --> 00:33:59,402 Oh, you got a little Cosmo right... 597 00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,440 You know, you can kiss me if you want to. 598 00:34:11,015 --> 00:34:13,040 I want to. 599 00:34:35,006 --> 00:34:36,940 What? 600 00:34:37,008 --> 00:34:39,841 Oh, my God! 601 00:34:39,911 --> 00:34:42,175 Did I do something wrong? 602 00:34:42,246 --> 00:34:44,544 No, no. Um, I just gotta go. 603 00:34:44,615 --> 00:34:47,641 Look, please don't tell anybody about this, okay? 604 00:34:58,429 --> 00:35:00,727 I don't want my baby to grow an extra arm just because... 605 00:35:00,798 --> 00:35:03,130 I live in squalor and I'm so stressed. 606 00:35:03,201 --> 00:35:05,829 So, I want you to run any and all tests you have. 607 00:35:05,903 --> 00:35:08,895 - Trust me. You're clear. - Are you sure? 608 00:35:08,973 --> 00:35:11,908 - Positive. - Is it a boy or a girl? 609 00:35:11,976 --> 00:35:13,910 Um... 610 00:35:15,213 --> 00:35:18,080 Don't quite know how to put this. 611 00:35:18,149 --> 00:35:20,845 - There's no baby. - Did it fall out? 612 00:35:22,587 --> 00:35:25,351 Uh, no. Uh, you're not pregnant. 613 00:35:25,423 --> 00:35:28,187 - But I've gained 10 pounds. - It's probably from eating. 614 00:35:28,259 --> 00:35:31,092 I can see a chicken wing in there that you must have swallowed whole. 615 00:35:31,162 --> 00:35:33,392 You're having what's called a hysterical pregnancy. 616 00:35:33,464 --> 00:35:38,026 You want a baby so badly that your body mimics the symptoms. 617 00:35:41,572 --> 00:35:44,166 If you're meant to get pregnant, it'll happen. 618 00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:56,052 I have to say, I'm really surprised you guys are trying out. 619 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,384 I'm sure you've read about this in the school paper. 620 00:35:58,456 --> 00:36:00,822 Finn and I have been an item for a while now. 621 00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:04,191 So what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't support him? 622 00:36:04,262 --> 00:36:06,890 Well, let's see what you got. 623 00:36:14,472 --> 00:36:18,374 #Say a little prayer for you # 624 00:36:18,442 --> 00:36:21,468 #The moment I wake up # 625 00:36:21,546 --> 00:36:25,141 - # Before I put on my makeup # - # Makeup # 626 00:36:25,216 --> 00:36:28,549 - #I say a little # - # Prayer for you # 627 00:36:28,619 --> 00:36:31,816 #While combing my hair now # 628 00:36:31,889 --> 00:36:35,791 - #A nd wonder what dress to wear now # - #W ear now # 629 00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:39,091 - # I say a little # - # Prayer for you # 630 00:36:39,163 --> 00:36:40,892 # Forever, forever # 631 00:36:40,965 --> 00:36:43,490 #You'll stay in my heart And I will love you # 632 00:36:43,568 --> 00:36:46,537 # Forever and ever We never will part # 633 00:36:46,604 --> 00:36:49,402 #Oh, how I love you Together, together # 634 00:36:49,473 --> 00:36:51,634 #That's how it must be # 635 00:36:51,709 --> 00:36:54,678 #To live without you would only bring heartbreak # 636 00:36:54,745 --> 00:36:57,771 # For me # 637 00:36:57,848 --> 00:37:01,181 Let me get this straight. You'rejoining Glee Club? 638 00:37:01,252 --> 00:37:03,117 I'm sorry, Coach Sylvester... 639 00:37:03,187 --> 00:37:05,781 but something is going on between Finn and that thing. 640 00:37:05,856 --> 00:37:09,314 You saw how it was undressing him with its eyes. 641 00:37:09,393 --> 00:37:11,623 Please don't kick us off the Cheerios. 642 00:37:11,696 --> 00:37:15,325 Cease fire on the waterworks. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to see it. 643 00:37:15,399 --> 00:37:17,993 You know, Q, when I first laid eyes on you... 644 00:37:18,069 --> 00:37:20,629 I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester... 645 00:37:20,705 --> 00:37:22,866 though you don't have my bone structure. 646 00:37:22,940 --> 00:37:25,602 But it wasn't until this very moment... 647 00:37:26,611 --> 00:37:29,045 I saw how alike we really are. 648 00:37:31,082 --> 00:37:33,550 You three are going to be my spies. 649 00:37:33,618 --> 00:37:35,950 I need eyes on the inside. 650 00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:38,853 We're going to bring this club down from within. 651 00:37:41,926 --> 00:37:44,053 And I'm gonna get my boyfriend back. 652 00:37:45,129 --> 00:37:47,154 I don't care so much about that. 653 00:37:55,172 --> 00:37:56,867 Hey, Emma. Guess what. 654 00:37:56,941 --> 00:37:59,136 I found these new disinfecting bleach wipes. 655 00:37:59,210 --> 00:38:01,041 What do you say? 656 00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:05,173 Boy's bathroom in the science wing? 9:00? 657 00:38:05,249 --> 00:38:08,707 Will, what are we doing? 658 00:38:08,786 --> 00:38:11,983 I mean, you're having a baby. 659 00:38:13,891 --> 00:38:17,486 Um, and anyway, uh... 660 00:38:17,561 --> 00:38:20,052 - I have a date. - Oh, that's great. 661 00:38:20,131 --> 00:38:22,599 - Yeah. - Yeah. With who? 662 00:38:22,667 --> 00:38:24,999 I'm gonna go to Tulip-A-Looza. 663 00:38:25,069 --> 00:38:27,003 With Ken. 664 00:38:46,490 --> 00:38:48,424 There's my man. 665 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:51,461 Bringing home the bacon. 666 00:38:51,529 --> 00:38:53,759 You... You made dinner. 667 00:38:53,831 --> 00:38:55,765 I thought you'd be asleep. 668 00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:58,165 Well, I wanted to talk to you about something... 669 00:38:58,235 --> 00:39:01,932 so I made you chicken pot pie... from scratch. 670 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,776 Terri, that's so thoughtful. I... 671 00:39:08,245 --> 00:39:10,611 Yeah, you know, I've been working so hard lately, some... 672 00:39:10,681 --> 00:39:12,945 Sometimes I forget what I'm doing it for. 673 00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:15,645 Family's what's important to me. 674 00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:19,554 You and the little guy or gal on the way. 675 00:39:19,623 --> 00:39:22,456 - I hope you know that. - Yeah. 676 00:39:22,526 --> 00:39:25,723 I'm sorry. What was it you wanted to talk about? 677 00:39:26,797 --> 00:39:28,788 I went to the baby doctor today. 678 00:39:28,866 --> 00:39:32,393 - And? - And... 679 00:39:34,138 --> 00:39:36,436 it's a boy. 680 00:39:38,309 --> 00:39:40,470 - Oh, my God. Terri, that's amazing. - Yeah. 681 00:39:40,544 --> 00:39:42,944 Oh, my God. Oh! 682 00:39:44,014 --> 00:39:46,244 Uh, I want you to give up being a janitor. 683 00:39:46,317 --> 00:39:48,945 - What? - Yeah. We don't need a new house. 684 00:39:49,019 --> 00:39:50,987 We'll turn my craft room into a nursery. 685 00:39:51,055 --> 00:39:53,853 - It's a compromise that I want to make. - Really? 686 00:39:53,924 --> 00:39:55,949 Yeah. 687 00:39:56,026 --> 00:39:59,928 You know, the only project that I want to work on now is us. 688 00:40:02,199 --> 00:40:04,167 I love you so much. 689 00:40:12,843 --> 00:40:17,337 You're giving Quinn Fabray the solo? That's my solo. 690 00:40:17,415 --> 00:40:20,782 You made this happen, Rachel. You were the one who wanted to sell sex at the assembly. 691 00:40:20,851 --> 00:40:23,342 Quinn's audition song was on Figgins's approved list... 692 00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:26,390 ...and frankly, she did a heck of a job singing it. - You're punishing me. 693 00:40:26,457 --> 00:40:30,120 Contrary to your beliefs, it's not all about you. 694 00:40:31,195 --> 00:40:34,358 Or, I've realized, about me. 695 00:40:35,366 --> 00:40:37,300 Look, I screwed up too. 696 00:40:37,368 --> 00:40:40,360 I'm as responsible for what you did at that assembly as you are. 697 00:40:40,438 --> 00:40:42,463 I should never have pushed disco so hard. 698 00:40:42,540 --> 00:40:44,974 When we did it back in '93... 699 00:40:45,042 --> 00:40:47,670 the disco revival was in its heyday. 700 00:40:47,745 --> 00:40:50,077 It was cool. We had fun. 701 00:40:50,147 --> 00:40:54,083 And that... That is what Glee is supposed to be about. 702 00:40:54,151 --> 00:40:58,884 If we're gonna succeed, we both need to change our mind sets. 703 00:40:58,956 --> 00:41:01,390 You're not always gonna be the star. 704 00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:04,690 But I promise to do my best to make sure you're always having fun. 705 00:41:04,762 --> 00:41:06,923 This is a good thing, Rachel. 706 00:41:06,997 --> 00:41:09,192 We're on our way. 707 00:41:10,267 --> 00:41:13,100 Can I use the auditorium later to practice? 708 00:41:13,170 --> 00:41:15,263 Our neighbors are filing a lawsuit. 709 00:41:15,339 --> 00:41:17,170 Sure. 710 00:41:30,154 --> 00:41:34,113 #You look so dumb right now # 711 00:41:36,060 --> 00:41:39,518 #Standing outside my house # 712 00:41:41,365 --> 00:41:44,391 #Tryin' to apologize # 713 00:41:44,468 --> 00:41:47,232 #You're so ugly when you cry # 714 00:41:47,304 --> 00:41:51,570 # Please, just cut it out # 715 00:41:52,877 --> 00:41:55,209 #And don't tell me you're sorry # 716 00:41:55,279 --> 00:41:57,975 #'Cause you're not # 717 00:41:58,048 --> 00:42:03,543 # Baby, when I know you're only sorry you got caught # 718 00:42:03,621 --> 00:42:07,387 #But you put on quite a show # 719 00:42:07,458 --> 00:42:10,757 # Really had me goin' # 720 00:42:10,828 --> 00:42:13,296 # Now it's time to go # 721 00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:16,026 #Curtain's finally closin' # 722 00:42:16,100 --> 00:42:19,592 #That was quite a show # 723 00:42:19,670 --> 00:42:23,162 #Very entertaining # 724 00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:26,437 # But it's over now # 725 00:42:26,510 --> 00:42:28,444 # But it's over now # 726 00:42:28,512 --> 00:42:32,676 #Go on and take a bow # 727 00:42:32,750 --> 00:42:35,810 #Oh, and the # 728 00:42:35,886 --> 00:42:38,912 #Award for # 729 00:42:38,989 --> 00:42:42,117 #The best liar # 730 00:42:42,192 --> 00:42:44,183 #Goes to you # 731 00:42:44,261 --> 00:42:47,992 # For makin' me believe # 732 00:42:48,065 --> 00:42:53,332 #That you could be faithful to me # 733 00:42:53,404 --> 00:42:56,373 # Let's hear your speech # 734 00:42:56,440 --> 00:43:00,137 #Y ou put on quite a show # 735 00:43:00,210 --> 00:43:03,145 #You really had me goin'# 736 00:43:03,213 --> 00:43:06,205 # Now it's time to go # 737 00:43:06,283 --> 00:43:08,911 #Curtain's finally closin' # 738 00:43:08,986 --> 00:43:11,853 #That was quite a show # 739 00:43:11,922 --> 00:43:15,187 #Very entertaining # 740 00:43:15,259 --> 00:43:20,925 - # But it's over now # - #But it's over now # 741 00:43:20,998 --> 00:43:25,799 #Go on and take a bow # 742 00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:31,735 # But it's over now #